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I try to write a 'sonnet' a week (12 linje statement in iambic with two line denial), but I've been lagging of late (have a few in manuscript roughs, but need to sort 'em out into first typescript drafts)..
I 'write' something most every day - but not all pomes/lyrics, most often various miscellaneous notes and observationms on things. Got notebooks full of them.
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I would love to read as many as you would like to post. Thanks, Margo
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Here's few lyrical variations tat will fit the pattern of Dylan's Angelina' (i have a whole lot more, but seek not to bore).
If you play with the melody a little, you can morph it into an entirely different (new) song...
(With regard to 'sonnet forms', 14 line structure does not readily lend itself to song BUT a friend of mine has asked me to set some 'spoken' sonnets over 12 bar blues. Watch this space & I'll let you know how I get on!!! I'll post a cuple if you want to play with 'em melodically)
By the river of chance
Where the red wine flows strong
He walked the razor's footpath
Listening to her song
Learning from experience
Finding right from might and wrong
In revelation
Oh, oh revelation
Oh, oh revelation
When you're down on your knees
Do you remember me
Can you cure my burning heart
Can you set me free
Can you raise me from my coffin
Into new dream reality
By transmutation
Oh, oh revelation
Oh, oh, sweet revelation
Sorry to disturb you
In your delicate hush
But we only get three score and ten
And I don't mean to rush
But this door will never open
If one of us don't push
For some variation
I can see your future
I can see your past
It's written in your body
In the forms of things you cast
In the shadows of the evening
But none of them will last
When the new days come
Oh, oh revelation
Oh, oh revelation
Naked under the trees
Seeking sweet salvation
He turns away his heavy head
From sad indoctrination
Lost neck deep in the clinging swamp
Of empty words and fascination
No preservation
She practices sex magic
In bed at night alone
With Tarot Cards and candles
Works her fingers to the bone
But these symbols were a metaphor
And she really should have known
The right translation
Oh, oh revelation
Oh, oh, sweet revelation
I only gave you freedom
To see if you would sin
And just look what you did with it
Oh where should I begin
To show you love and gentleness
It just seems that I can't win
In this desolation
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First read I love it. I must read it many times to absorb it. Thank you,Morph33!
COOL!
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This change in my life is hard on my soul
My heart says stay ,my mind says go,
Over to you, morph, or ?????
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This change in my life
Is hard on my soul
My heart says stay
My mind says go
The compass needle's steady
And my eyes blaze like burning coal
over to you
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I'm ready to speak my mind
tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
You now.
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We re born into this world under protest, we go through life joining every protest we believe in, we die under much protest, because in life there are really not that many choices.
My son's 21 year old friend was shot and killed 2 nights ago. Why? He was intelligent, kind, passive and was loved by all that knew him.Shot in the back! Cowardly 'people' make me sick!!!!
I PROTEST violence and ignorance,it is tragic that they go hand in hand. Say a prayer for knowledge and a peaceful world.
Say a prayer for John Bibb. ,May his soul rest in peace.
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Not at all new, but I heartily recommend the Carcanet collection of all the poetry that Benjamin Britten set to music: www.carcanet.co.uk/cgi-bin/indexer?product=9781857540222. It's an odd attribute around which to theme a collection, but Britten choose a range of such wonderful and unexpected poetry, some of it not in English. I posted a blog post about it on my hardly-ever-updated-and-never-read blog: dumbledad.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/my-favourite-poetry-an...
Originally posted ages ago.
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dumbledad edited this topic ages ago.
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I'll check it out dumbledad. Thanks !!!!!
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I Don't Give a Damn
(An 'acoustic' type love/regret song in the manner of Joni (Mitchell or Baez). Watch that odd rhyming pattern in the verses from line 2 to line 6 spanning another rhyme in lines 3 and 5. It works at a very sublime level on the listener if you are aware (as the singer) it's coming & time/emphasise it correctly (have a listen to verses in Emmy Lou Harris' 'Boulder to Birmingham', a beautiful song that she buggered up with a crap chorus.)
The deal is this: come up with some music/a demo to my liking (don't change the lyrics), and you get your name added 1/3 of the rights (the original is the work f two f us, but I float it here in my name). Rip me off, and i'll sue... (and i expect the same of you).
There's plenty more where this comes from (I write one a day) - I float on here as a trial...
I Don't Give a Damn
(Acoustic Intro)
Sparkling glasses in restaurants
Gypsy violins playing in ti-ime
Soft voices merging in candlelit dancing
You must have hyp-notised me
With those well rehearsed words and warm romancing
It was so subli-ime
Now you tell me that you love me forever
And that you'll come back if you can
Well if you want my honest opinion
Darling
I don't give a damn
I don't give a damn for those lies you tell
I don't give a damn
Through these tears I'm crying
I don't give a damn, you can go to hell
And stay there till it freezes over
I don't give a damn no more
Sweet darling
I don't give a damn
Locking limbs in feather beds
I always was a fool for love
That carries me to sweet high ecstasy
You must have hyp-notised me
In the after glow I felt so uneasy
Couldn't get eno-ugh
Now you tell me things have changed a little
That you got a different plan
Well, if you want my honest opinion
Darling
I don't give a damn
I don't give a damn for those lies you tell
I don't give a damn
Through these tears I'm crying
I don't give a damn, you can go to hell
And stay there till it freezes over
I don't give a damn no more
Sweet darling
I don't give a damn
Sparkling glasses in restaurants
Gypsy violins playing in ti-ime
Soft voices merging in candlelit dancing
You must have hyp-notised me
With those well rehearsed words and warm romancing
It was so subli-ime
Now you tell me that you love me forever
And that you'll come back if you can
Well if you want my honest opinion
Darling
I don't give a damn
I don't give a damn for those lies you tell
I don't give a damn
Through these tears I'm crying
I don't give a damn, you can go to hell
And stay there till it freezes over
I don't give a damn no more
Sweet darling
I don't give a damn
Oh no no no no no
I don't give a damn
© 15/01/2009 Dave Williams33
(davewilliams3 at hotmail.com)
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Great lyrics. Dave. Thanks Morph. If anybody rips you off I'll help you hang them!
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One a day.
Strikes me the 'Music' business is all about $$$, and since to make a breakthrough into the circle of 'haves' then you have to demonstrate that you are/have the potential of a CASH COW (and this works/has worked frm the time of Steven Foster (who died penniless) through Israel Baline (who died wealthy and scrupulously defended his copyrights) through to The Beatles (who only got the leeway they did from EMI owing to their money making capacity), one needs to fly a few kites.
As said, I target one song a day - and I can write in most genres - and have studied widely and deeply in psychlinguistics, NLP and memetics such as to discover what makes songs (and other things) catch on.
Accordingly, in terms of kite flying, i shall put a few more demonstration samples in here (from time to time), with the 'deal' as explained in my previous post. Meanwhile, I am working with local musicians on producing good quality demos of some of my stuff - and I 'll let you know when and wher t0 look on Youtube (currently working on several C&W tracks).
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This change in my life
Is hard on my soul
My heart says stay
My mind says go
The compass needle's steady
And my eyes blaze like burning coal
I'm ready to speak my mind
tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
Don't know why and when
Will we ever know
My mind is clear
My heart says no
That taxi outsides's ready
But have I've lost my self control
I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
(now up to 4th degree of scale for you to write the Mid 8...)
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The fight is now over, Im on my way out,
I was sure I loved you ,but
this 'ain't what loves about.!
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In the taxi my tears are flowing,
as my thoughts are stuck on you.
I keep thinking that you loved me ,
truth is it's not true.
Lies lies lies...............thats all I got from you.
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It just takes one! Let me know.
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I'm Ready to Speak My Mind
Acoustic intro then Subchorus thus:
I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
V1
This change in my life
Is hard on my soul
My heart says stay
My mind says go
The compass needle's steady
And my eyes blaze like burning coal
I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
V2
Don't know why and when
Will we ever know
My mind is clear
My heart says no
That taxi outsides's ready
But have I've lost my self control
I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
Mid 8
The fight is now over, I'm on my way out,
I was sure I loved you ,but
This 'ain't what loves about.!
In the taxi my tears are flowing,
As my thoughts are stuck on you.
I keep thinking that you loved me ,
Truth is it's not true.
Lies lies lies...............thats all I got from you
And I'm ready to speak my mind.
V2 rep
Don't know why and when
Will we ever know
My mind is clear
My heart says no
That taxi outsides's ready
But have I've lost my self control
I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
Mid 8
The fight is now over, I'm on my way out,
I was sure I loved you ,but
This 'ain't what loves about.!
In the taxi my tears are flowing,
As my thoughts are stuck on you.
I keep thinking that you loved me ,
Truth is it's not true.
Lies lies lies...............thats all I got from you
And I'm ready to speak my mind
V1 rep/Outro
This change in my life
Is hard on my soul
My heart says stay
My mind says go
The compass needle's steady
And my eyes blaze like burning coal
I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind
Lies, lies, lies
I'm ready to speak my mind
Lies, lies, li-ies
Oh I'm ready to spe-eak
My mind...
(c) January 2010 Wyker/Williams
(we may need to knock off a coupla corners & tidy the rhymes so it scans smoothly)
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SO far so good.It can be a good thing. You can do it! Awesome .Thanks,Morph.
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The critical 'hub' of this song, the bit that will 'stick' (or not) when you've heard it a coupla times, lies in the lines:
'I'm ready to speak my mind
Tell you lies that never were told
Didn't think I could go without you baby
I'm ready to spe-eak my mind'
...the key (memetic) line comprising: 'I'm ready to speak my mind'
The line: 'Tell you lies that never were told' fits well with the sense (but would perhaps scan better as: 'Tell you lies that were never told'). The line that could do with tidying is 'Don't think I could do without you baby', in that we have (sequentially), 7,8,10,7 syllables, which is a bit too irregular. Maybe (Baby) we drop 'baby to make it' 7 8 8 7???
The secondary hub sits in the Mid 8 at the lines:
'Lies lies lies...............thats all I got from you
And I'm ready to speak my mind'
In the triple repeat (lies) and then the re-iteration of the phrase: 'I'm ready to speak my mind'
Over to you... ...Boogaloo
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PS I'm getting the feel of Joni (Mitchell or Baez) on this with open tuning, and that's the background arrangement I have running in my head as I'm writing.
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I feel you. Clean it up as needed! I like it! After all I am a Southerner. LMAO.
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Did we ever finish the song?
115 months ago
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