David Hirshey is a book editor and Michael Solomon is a book author. This is the advice they have for scoring a seven-figure book deal.
1. Basic literacy is a plus, but not essential.
2. Write a novel about a magical world filled with one or more of the following: dying high school students, bondage enthusiasts, murderous wives, or drifters who solve crimes. Or: Write a one-paragraph nonfiction proposal about your hideous childhood, drug addiction, sex tape, or years as president.
3. Never use the word literary in your proposal. Publishers know that means selling five thousand copies—at most.
4. Assume the reader/editor/publisher suffers from attention deficit disorder. Don't be shy about using LARGE PRINT or blank space between chapters as a "design element."
5. Write a "selling blurb," attribute it to a best-selling author, and wait until after you have a deal to ask permission to use it.
6. Don't seek out the most accessible editor at the publishing house. The easiest person to reach has the least amount of money to spend.
7. Act needy and insecure—it's the only way a publisher can be sure you're a real writer.
8. Cite successful comparative titles in your proposal. Writing a book about organic bodybuilding? Sell it as "a cross between Hillbilly Elegy and The Handmaid's Tale."
9. Don't have a track record. If a publisher can check out the pitiful sales of your last book, you're looking at a low-five-figure deal.
10. Reconsider. Are you sure you want to write a book? Why not just land a TV deal based on your Instagram feed?
This article comes from our guide to bullshitting your way through any situation. Read the entire syllabus for an advanced course in the art of B.S. here.
