By 
You probably recognize Eric Dane as the plastic surgeon who, in season three of Grey's Anatomy, saunters out of the bathroom just as Patrick Dempsey's Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd announces to his wife he wants a divorce. Dane's Dr. Mark Sloan wore just a Wet-Nap–size towel, exposing supertoned buttock flank; the nickname "McSteamy" naturally Mc-stucky. Since then, his character has mounted much of the cast of the ABC hit, a notable exception being Derek and Meredith's pooch, Doc. But every dog has his day, and the 35-year-old San Francisco–reared Dane performs alongside one very bad canine (as well as Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston) in Marley & Me, a handkerchief wringer sure to become the Terms of Endearment for the dog park set. Dane buried his own doggier traits five years ago when he wed actress and onetime Noxzema girl Rebecca Gayheart.
ELLE: I first encountered your name several years ago when you and Jack Nicholson were concurrently dating Lara Flynn Boyle. What's it like competing with Jack?
Eric Dane: Jack Nicholson is Jack Nicholson. The guy's a colossal personality and I'm sure he's charming, and I bet she had a lot of fun with him, but my take on the whole thing was, I'm 30. He's 70. This is not going to go down like this. I couldn't comprehend a 35-year-old woman gravitating toward a 70-year-old man.
ELLE: So you just walked away gracefully?
ED: Some would say gracefully, some would say not so gracefully, but I walked away.
ELLE: Have you ever been in a room with a man who possessed a sexual magnetism with which you couldn't compete?
ED: I met George Clooney at a Jeffrey Katzenberg party not too long ago. I didn't want to fuck him, but it seemed like everybody else in the room did.
ELLE: Over the years, what have you learned that you should never, ever say to a woman?
ED: Never ask a woman when she's due unless you know for a fact she's expecting.
ELLE: Naturally, but you never made that mistake, did you?
ED: I did. I asked, and she said, "I'm not pregnant."
ELLE: Oof. How did you respond to that?
ED: "Then why are you pushing your stomach out?"
ELLE: The story's just getting worse. You didn't actually say that.
ED: I did. I was trying to flip it into a joke. It didn't fly.
ELLE: Do you agree with the old saying, "Pizza is like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good."
ED: I think you've gotta add an addendum: "The next day, it depends on whether you're into cold pizza or not, because sometimes you wake up and it's absolutely disgusting."
ELLE: So then, one should have the pizza hot—whether it's good or bad—but then immediately call the leftover pizza a cab?
ED: Or else you'd really better be into cold pizza.
ELLE: Chris Rock once said, "A man is only as faithful as his options." Agree?
ED: After five years, I still love sleeping with my wife. And for me, that's the best option out there.
ELLE: But you're McSteamy! How do you avoid temptation?
ED: They're not taking their tops off for me in elevators, man. I'm not getting panties thrown at me. There's no free love anymore.
ELLE: If you could destroy one photo that's been taken of you over the years, which would it be?
ED: Any photo with my shirt off.
ELLE: Did you have a busty period I'm not aware of? You're famously fit.
ED: Listen, dude, I go eat a sandwich for lunch and have a milk shake and miss going to the gym for 10 days, and somebody snaps a picture of me on the beach, and all of a sudden, I've lost it. Why do I need to be perfect all the time? I don't give a shit. Why should you?
ELLE: You haven't made it onto one of those tabloid "Bad Beach Body" lists, have you?
ED: Are you kidding me? Yeah.
ELLE: What one trait have you seen other men demonstrate in relationships that you envy?
ED: Sometimes I feel like I'm lacking a playfulness. I envy guys who are consistently able to maintain a playful, optimistic
perspective on things.
ELLE: Do you think women you've been with would all say, "Oh, Eric always had a little storm cloud hovering above his head"?
ED: "Storm cloud" is a bit extreme. Maybe a tinge of sadness.
ELLE: Your father died suddenly when you were quite young. Do you think this event explains that sadness?
ED: You talking to me as a shrink? I'm sure some would say, "Yes, it's rooted in this tragedy that happened when you were seven years old." But I have an acceptance and deep understanding of it. I'm sure there were a few relationships I had as a kid that were directly affected by those circumstances, but you grow out of stuff.
ELLE: If your guy friends ever set you up on dates, what might have been their disclaimer about you?
ED: "He's very quick the first time."
ELLE: You and your wife introduced Brooke Mueller to Charlie Sheen, whom she recently married. What kind of disclaimers did you offer Brooke about dating your friend?
ED: For Charlie? It was basically, "You're on your own, kid."
