The last time I stood up for Ally McCoist, it totally backfired. About a decade ago, Rangers were in the doldrums and Celtic fans were taking great delight in calling the Ibrox legend ‘Fat Sally’. So we brought the debate to the Off The Ball studio: is he Fat Sally or Super Ally? And it was a unanimous decision.

“He’s one of the best guys to get in a press conference or interview situation - the copy writes itself,” said football journalist Brian Marjoribanks. “He’s the funniest guy on the park,” insisted man of many clubs James Grady. “Even when he scored against your team it was hard not to like him.”

Me and Stuart Cosgrove were singing from exactly the same hymn sheet as our guests. How could you NOT love a guy who - thanks to his exploits on and off the park - has provided our show with so much material since we first hit the airwaves in the mid-1990s? Nope, no doubt about it - he’s Super Ally. Cue a torrent of abuse from Celtic fans (hardly surprising, I suppose).

But that was followed by a lot of flak from Rangers supporters who, despite the verdict in the studio, hated the fact we’d even mentioned the words ‘Fat’ and ‘Sally’. You cannae win!

Nevertheless, I’m happy to once again put my head on the chopping block for Coisty as the outburst on the back of his comments about the Hate Crime Bill is absolutely ridiculous. He was simply talking about how Rangers and Celtic hate each other. It’s hardly news. It’s been happening since the 19th century (or the 17th century as some historians may argue).

He wasn’t suggesting he was going to get dragged out of the TV gantry by cops after launching into a rousing chorus of The Billy Boys. The kind of “hate” McCoist was talking about can also be described as good, old-fashioned football rivalry.

As a Motherwell fan, I’ve seen it in action (and yep, I’ve joined in the songs) against our North Lanarkshire foes Airdrieonians. “Stand up if you hate Airdrie, stand up if you hate Airdrie…”. “If you hate the f****** Airdrie, clap your hands!”. “Oh, we hate Airdrie and we hate Airdrie, we hate Airdrie and we hate Airdrie, we hate Airdrie and we hate Airdrie, we are the Airdrie haters!”.

Yep, there’s clearly a lot of “hate” in those ditties, but nothing to trouble Police Scotland. It’s not REAL hatred. It’s just football rivalry. And that was Coisty’s point. At no point on Talksport did Ally mention the singing of any dodgy songs. He merely pointed out that both halves of the Old Firm hate their rivals during a match - like ALL sworn enemies in football.

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To the Coisty critics who have now upgraded Fat Sally to Religious Bigot, can I just remind you this is the same fella who, whilst in floods of tears, helped to carry the coffin of the late, great Celtic legend Tommy Burns? Don’t talk guff, bhoys.

To be honest, dear reader, I was in two minds about jumping to Coisty’s defence this week. You see, folks, I host a monthly show at Blackfriars pub in Glasgow’s Merchant City called Aff The Baw - it took me MONTHS to come up with that title - and Super Ally was pencilled in as my star guest on Thursday, April 25. But he can’t do it.

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Why? Well, I was cruelly snubbed because he’s got a night out with Jimmy Nisbet, the laser-haired ultra-annoying guy fae Cold Feet. Slap the cuffs on me if you want, Humza, but I REALLY hate that ****…

P.S Talking of football, I’m on holiday in Benidorm for a week. Easy peasy to watch tomorrow’s Old Firm derby in 101 different pubs, but I thought I’d struggle to see the mighty Motherwell’s game at Dundee. Silly me. It’s on Netflix...

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