I'm a hugely successful radio star who hid a crippling secret for years… until I moved to Australia and decided to finally face my demons
- Radio host moved to Australia six years ago
- It led to him coming to terms with his past
- READ MORE: Radio host officially becomes an Australian citizen five years after being hired by Melbourne station
In 2018, when Christian O'Connell moved from the UK with his family to work in Melbourne radio, his clothes were not the only baggage he brought with him.
The 51-year-old had also been hiding a crippling secret for years, until moving to Australia finally forced him to face his demons - anxiety, panic attacks and breakdowns.
Dealing with it made him realise just how long his mental health had been a part of his life, he told Andy Coulson's Crisis, What Crisis? podcast, where he also spoke about a 'men's mental health crisis' in Australia.
'I can probably see that anxiety was around in my life in my nervous system as a teenager, but in the '80s that word hadn't been invented. You were told just to stop being so sensitive and man up,' he said.
Like many young men in that era, he found a temporary solution in alcohol. He admitted there was 'an unease in my system and fearing fear, and not knowing what to do'.
Christian O'Connell (pictured, with his wife Sarah) has opened up about his history of crippling anxiety, panic attacks and breakdowns
Like many young men in the 1980s, O'Connell (pictured) found a temporary solution in alcohol. There was 'an unease in my system and fearing fear, and not knowing what to do'
'And so when I got to like 17, 18, that would mean drinking two litres of cider on a park bench with my friends,' he said.
'That's what we did. You looked for those things, you didn't realise at the time what you were trying to do with that, to try and relax yourself, to try and basically not feel what was trying to come through you.'
For almost 12 years O'Connell was the breakfast host on Absolute Radio in the UK, winning awards and entertaining millions of listeners.
He stunned those listeners when, at the peak of his presenting powers, he upped sticks with his wife Sarah and their children and moved to Australia.
His audience had no inkling that he had suffered a breakdown, a series of panic attacks so bad they sometimes left him unable to go on air.
'I suddenly out of nowhere started to have very bad panic attacks, and they only would happen about half an hour before the show,' O'Connell, who is the host of The Christian O'Connell Show on GOLD104.3, told Coulson.
'I'd never been nervous before a radio show ever, suddenly I'd walk into my radio station and I'd start to have panic attacks.
'I didn't even know what they were at the time. I'd walk back out blaming that I wasn't feeling very well and going home, and I was breaking apart.'
For a year or two before that, O'Connell had started to feel very unhappy and wasn't enjoying radio for the first time in his life.
He describes what happened to him as 'a life quake'.
'It stripped away everything and it forced me to listen to it. And I am eternally grateful that I did turn around and stop and get help. It changed my life and changed me as well.'
O'Connell confided in his wife, who said the words he needed to hear - 'I think you need help'.
At first, though, he didn't realise he needed to hear those words. He thought her concern meant she was really saying 'I think you've just f***ed up'.
'It's not what she meant, it's not what she said, but it's what I interpreted it as,' he said.
O'Connell (pictured) confided in his wife, who said the words he needed to hear - 'I think you need help'
Christian O'Connell's image, and his radio station's logo, is pictured on a wall in Melbourne
O'Connell (pictured) stunned his UK listeners when, at the peak of his presenting powers, he upped sticks with his wife Sarah and their children and moved to Australia
With some nudging from his wife, it led to him going to see a therapist for the first time, even if he didn't want to be there and was angry about it.
The therapist realised what he was facing once the radio star was sitting across from him and said, 'You don't want to be here, do you?'
'No. I think therapy is for people who have f***ed up, and I'm not a f*** up,' O'Connell replied.
The therapist asked him why he had come at all then, and O'Connell said something bad had happened and 'I just want it cut out. This is fear, I just want it cut out of me'.
This made the therapist laugh, and he said, 'I'll go and get a knife. Where do you think is it in your body? I'll cut it out for you, and I'll be the richest surgeon in the world if I can cure people of panic attacks just by cutting it out of them.'
He explained that the problem wasn't an 'it', it was part of who O'Connell was. '
And that is going to be your journey, is befriending that part of you that actually has got something to say to you,' he said.
O'Connell eventually told his therapist the family was going to move to Australia and 'start all over again'.
But life was not plain sailing Down Under for a long time. He was still getting panic attacks, his radio show was not rating well and he found it very hard to make new friends.
At one point he was so lonely he asked an Uber driver to go for a beer with him.
He had to pay very close and serious attention to his mental health again.
'And it's a real effort to begin with. It's like, suddenly this horse has gone wild in the paddock and he's smashing all the fences.
'And you have to quietly go up to this wild part of you and go, "It's okay, it's okay. Let's breathe, sit down, slow down, we're here right now. It's safe right now. Comeback into your body and get out of this noisy thing here, and have a focus".'
Christian O'Connell launches new mentoring service - Finding fire
Radio host Christian O'Connell said the response he got from readers of his book No One Listens to Your Dad's Show - where he wrote about being vulnerable and his struggles - has led him to create Finding Fire, a new mentoring service.
'I'm building a community for fellow seekers, makers and leaders with mentoring, courses, workshops, and podcasts,' he said.
Christian O'Connell (pictured) has launched a new mentoring service
'Maybe even retreats. I’m lighting a small fire and this is your invite to come sit around it with me as we work to shift what may feel stuck in your life and turn it into a free-flowing stream of possibilities and potential.'
The first offering from Finding Fire is The Heart of Speaking, a live four-part online program with a session every fortnight across eight weeks.
The course is designed to help participants awaken their truest voice and express themselves more authentically.
Drawing on over 25 years of hosting a daily radio show without a script, O'Connell will share practical insights and techniques to help individuals find their voice and connect with their inner creativity.
'My mission has always been to wake people up every morning; now, it's also about igniting your inner fire to help you show up in your full power and creativity all day, every day,' he said.
There are more details at www.christianoconnell.com/mentoring
Things eventually improved in O'Connell's life, helped by his radio ratings taking off and his success in Melbourne matching what he'd previously enjoyed in the UK.
But, given his own experiences over the years, he is very concerned with mental health in his adopted home.
'In Australia there is a massive men's mental health crisis - and it's actually getting worse. The danger zone is men, early 40s to mid-50s, and it's really bad here,' he said.
He said a lot of men find it very hard to ask for help.
'You see the way that men are treating women, and treating kids at times, underlying all of that.
'Part of that is there is a real problem with men in that how we are raised and how we're not allowed to feel our emotions safely, and that can only manifest itself in bad ways. Whether that's alcoholism, whether that's self-harm,' he said.
Ultimately, O'Connell has come through the other side after decades of mental health issues that were first hidden in a haze of alcohol when he was a teenager.
Andy Coulson (pictured right, with John Reid) interviewed Christian O'Connell for his podcast Crisis, What Crisis?
Christian O'Connell (pictured) said he's 'very grateful to my radio career. It's actually saved my life a couple of times'
'It wasn't until many, many years later that I had to learn that's a skill, you have to learn (to cope with it without alcohol).
'And it's something which is always going to be around in my life. I've got different ways of dealing with (mental health issues) now, which is a lot kinder to me.'
O'Connell also realises that he chose well in the career he has pursued.
'I've been very, very grateful to my radio career. It's actually saved my life a couple of times.'
Christian O'Connell was 'talking to Andy Coulson's Crisis, What Crisis? podcast.'
