My advice to Lauryn Goodman, by BEL MOONEY: The Mail's legendary agony aunt explains how and why Kyle Walker's ex-lover needs to change in the latest BEL MOONEY IMAGINES
Our brilliant advice columnist Bel Mooney has answered thousands of readers’ letters over the years. But what if the rich and famous turned to her for peerless advice about their own problems?
Each week we invite Bel to look behind the headlines and ponder an imaginary celebrity dilemma that we have made up for her (tongue firmly in cheek). In turn, Bel will take the letter at face value, just as she does with all those that pour into her famous column each week.
She will give an honest answer – so celebrities and politicians, listen up! This week, we imagine what Kyle Walker's ex girlfriend Lauryn Goodman, with whom he has two children, might write in a letter to Bel.
Lauryn Goodman dressed her son in a football top with the word 'dad' written on the back, as well as Kyle Walker's shirt number. It is strikingly similar to the tops worn by Annie Kilner's children
Dear Bel,
I fell in love and now I am being unfairly vilified for listening to my heart and doing what's right for my children. It's a bit of a long story, but it all began when I met Kyle four years ago. He was a notorious lothario, but I could not resist and he was on a break from his marriage. Eventually it ended and Kyle went back to his wife, but not before we had a son.
We've been on and off since then and had another child. He is back with his wife and three children now, but Kyle is not my main concern. How can I explain our family situation to my children?
I want my eldest son Kairo to have a bond with his father, but Kyle's wife has banned all contact. I took Kairo to see Kyle play this week, and my son loved it even if his father did not acknowledge him. Now his friends have accused me of creating a spectacle and putting Kyle off his game. Surely that's unfair? I am just doing what any good mother would do.
What's more, this whole thing has led to a falling out with my sister who banned me from her wedding. She says I create 'too much drama'. But I refuse to be cowed into silence. And I will never let my complicated family situation make me or my children feel ashamed. What's your advice?
LAURYN
*As imagined by Mail+
Bel Mooney replies: You are not the first woman to fall for a rich and sexy chancer, nor will you be the last. You are also not the first to throw morals to the wind at the prospect of bedding a well-known married man with children. Plenty more women will follow you – even if their liaisons end up leaving them alone and in tears.
I won't pass judgement on any of that, because I'm hardly a plaster saint myself and know many men and women who have broken their wedding vows. It's very common and causes much unhappiness. But what does bother me is the fact that you seem determined to make a spectacle of yourself and your innocent little son, on the spurious grounds that you are 'doing what any good mother would do.' Your actions aren't about Kairo, they're all about you.
The facts reveal a lot. Kyle Walker's wife Annie jetted out to Frankfurt to support her husband of two years. But her support was overshadowed when you followed suit with the son you had by Kyle. You had also claimed that Kyle had invited you and Kairo out to the game so his son could see him play in the match - but this was untrue.
You did it all yourself. But why?
Just as people can become addicted to being treated badly, they can also become addicted to the attention this brings them. My instinct puts you in that category – and that is surely also behind your sister's sad decision not to have you at her wedding. Rejected by Kyle twice you did the only thing you thought possible: make life difficult for him. Embarrass him publicly. Make his wife feel unhappy, humiliated and angry – with no escape. It had nothing to do with a small boy being subjected to the crowds and tedium of a football match. He'd have been happier at home with Lego.
Husband and wife Walker and Annie Kilner get dressed up to the nines for a gala in Manchester, in 2019
It's about revenge, isn't it? Not your children's welfare and wellbeing. The best thing for them would be for you to focus on being a superb mother - quietly and out of the public eye. To act with dignity and no more attention seeking. In time you might find the man and his wife both shift their attitude to your children and accept that some contact is only fair on your children as they grow older. But that could only happen (and it's an outside chance) if you stop seeking publicity.
Your children have nothing at all to be 'ashamed' of – but you need to change. The only important 'influencing' you have to do now is on their lives. They need you to focus attention on them. But that can't happen if, like an addict, you crave your photograph in the newspapers and online, boasting that you are the ex-lover with claws of steel. My advice is to stop – for your own good.
