Chynna Phillips has admitted that she and her brother had 'squirt gun fights' with her drug addict father's used syringes when they were children - confessing that the 'disturbing' practice has left her terrified of death.
The musician, 56, who is the daughter of The Mamas & The Papas band members John and Michelle Phillips, took to YouTube to detail on her 'morbid' anxiety surrounding dying.
In the candid clip, Chynna - who recently lifted the lid on her struggle with drugs and alcohol - gave fans an inside look at her troubled childhood as she shared that she and her younger brother, Tamerlane, once used drug addict John's syringes as toys.
She confessed that this 'sad and ugly' game caused her to develop a 'paralyzing fear' of death as she revealed she 'can't even function due to her terror.'
Chynna spoke about her overwhelming horror about dying, despite believing in 'eternal life', as she admitted that she tells her husband, Billy Baldwin, that's she 'can't believe she is going to die 24/7'.
Chynna Phillips has admitted that she and her brother had 'squirt gun fights' with her drug addict dad's used syringes when they were children
The musician, 56, who is the daughter of The Mamas & The Papas stars John and Michelle (seen with their daughter and son), took to YouTube to reveal her 'morbid' anxiety about dying
While on a walk, Chynna held her camera up and spoke briefly to her followers about her fears.
She revealed that she is scared about the idea of dying - adding that she has been throwing herself into a practice known as Terror Management Theory, which notes that people should manage their anxiety about death by maintaining faith in their cultural worldviews, self-esteem, and close relationships, according to the National Institutes of Health.
'I've been having these really disturbing dreams. I had a dream that I was on an airplane and it started going down.
'I had another a dream that I got tackled by a dog and the dog came up right over my face and he was about to rip my neck off, really graphic horrible dreams,' she said.
The musician admitted that her spouse can vouch to her fear about dying as she said that she discuses it 'several times'.
Chynna confessed that 'it's not surprising' she has this paralyzing fear as she opened up about a shocking incident she had as a child that may have contributed.
She recalled the moment she and Tam played with her dad's used syringes as they didn't realize how 'ugly and sad' the incident was at the time.
'When I was probably six years old, I went to New York to visit my father and my brother, Tam, was there and we were staying in this apartment in New York City and we saw all of these syringes laying around, just random empty syringes.
She confessed that this 'sad and ugly' game caused her to develop a 'paralyzing fear' of death as she revealed she 'can't even function due to her terror' (seen with her dad in 1991)
Chynna confessed that 'it's not surprising' she has this paralyzing fear as she opened up about a shocking incident she had as a child that may have contributed
'They didn't have needles, they were just syringes. So, we thought it would be fun and exciting to fill them with water and have a squirt gun fight.
'So, we proceeded to do that for days, we would just sit around and have these squirt gun fights all day long with my dad's syringes and it's so ugly and it's so sad and it's very disturbing,' Chynna explained.
She noted that she doesn't often discuss this moment in her life but it is plays a large part in her fear of death.
Two weeks ago, Chynna opened up about her challenges with substance abuse and addiction.
She spoke out about her 'traumatic and painful' upbringing, admitting that she went through so 'many things' that she 'wouldn't wish upon her worst enemy.'
The singer has been open about how she turned to drugs and alcohol as a teen after being 'abandoned' by her drug addict father at a young age.
Chynna has previously opened up about her challenges with substance abuse and addiction
Chynna got sober at age 19. She went on to marry actor Billy Baldwin in 1995, and together, they welcomed three children. She and Billy are seen in 2004
In addition, her half-sister, Mackenzie, claimed that her father had raped her when she was just 19 years old - before engaging in an incestuous relationship that lasted nearly 10 years.
Chynna got sober at age 19. She went on to marry actor Billy Baldwin in 1995, and together, they have welcomed three children.
In 2022, the star also spoke in detail about how her father's 'horrible, horrible addiction to drugs and alcohol' marred her childhood in a YouTube video.
She said her dad was 'obviously very troubled and tortured,' and 'did some things' and she 'knows he's not proud of.'
