• Pete Davidson posed as a Ken Doll for the newest cover of Paper magazine’s Break the Internet issue.
  • Pete fully has a dickless Barbie crotch, and it’s very upsetting.

Wow, I don’t even know how to prepare you poor souls who were brave enough to have the gall, the courage, the GUTS to actually click on this article! If you made it this far, I fully commend your strength and dedication to the enigma of a man that is Pete Davidson. Y’all are gonna want to strap in for this one.

I’m not exactly sure what Pete is promoting at the moment that required him to grace the cover of Paper magazine’s Break the Internet issue, but boy, the artistic choices really are...something!

Pete poses as a dickless Ken Doll, which I think is supposed to be a weird play on that moment in pop culture when he inspired the now widely used term Big Dick Energy (BDE). What a time to be alive! And by that, I mean I wish I were never born so I didn’t exist at a time when pictures of dickless Ken Doll Pete are casually floating around on the world wide web.

Prepare yourself for this madness in 3, 2, 1 (I am sorry to your eyes in advance):

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Have you ever seen anything so unsettling? Have you ever desperately wished for a tall f*cking glass of Unsee Juice? I have, thanks to this cursed image of a Ken crotch on a magazine cover. BRB, I’m gonna take my eyes out of the sockets and place them in a cup of Clorox bleach reaaal quick.

Alright, now that I feel somewhat cleansed, allow me to tell you that Pete took a moment in the corresponding interview (done by Tommy Dorfman of 13 Reasons Why) to briefly talk about his past relationship with Ariana Grande. Well, kinda.

“I don’t ever make public statements about relationships ’cause I just don’t think it’s right, you know?” he said when asked about Ari. “I usually express how I feel about anything through work. So, I hope she’s well. I hope she’s very happy. And that’s pretty much it. And print doesn’t usually age well.”

That being said, please attempt to have a good day after this. And again, I am truly sorry!