Hi! My name is Samantha and I'm a superfan of The Office. I've watched the complete series 16 times.
![Michael puts his foot on Jim's desk](https://cdn.statically.io/img/img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2021-08/10/8/asset/7984cf42edae/sub-buzz-2126-1628583272-1.jpg?downsize=700%3A%2A&output-quality=auto&output-format=auto)
The simplest answer as to why I keep doing this is that I love television, and The Office is a well-written, well-acted show so chock-full of meticulously crafted detail you could probably keep watching it forever and still keep noticing new things.
I just watched the series all the way through again, solely so I could gather the 50 all-time-greatest quotes from The Office — just for you!
So strap on your hydration backpack and do one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel, because here's all the great quotes — in chronological order!
1. "I think that pretty much sums it up...I found it at Spencer Gifts." — Michael Scott (holding a mug reading "World's Best Boss")
2. "Uh...nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising because you didn't expect it, but you will...you'll know it when you see it." — Michael Scott
3. "Could you mean a vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered." — Meredith Palmer
4. "No, no... 'cause then the ice melts and it's, like, ~second drink~." — Pam Beesly
5. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
6. “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” — Ryan Howard
7. "Boy have you done lost your mind, 'cause I'll help you find it!" — Stanley Hudson
8. “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” — Michael Scott
9. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” — Michael Scott
10. "Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… pretendinitis.” — Jim Halpert
11. “I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” — Stanley Hudson
12. "Dwight, you ignorant slut!" — Michael Scott
13. "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica." — Jim Halpert
14. “Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” — Angela Martin
15. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin Malone
16. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael Scott
17. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” —Michael Scott
18. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” —Michael Scott
19. Michael Scott: “I think you’re over-thinking it.” Jim Halpert: “I think you’re under-thinking it."
20. “Darrell Philbin is the most complicated man I've ever met. I mean...who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?” — Kelly Kapoor
21. (Dwight plays Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" on the recorder) "Man, Angela really had a hold on him." — Pam Beesly
22. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” — Michael Scott
23. “I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: 'Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet.' But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: 'You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.'” — Kelly Kapoor
24. "I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something: a lot of people in the room, you need more space, viola, right into the wall." — Michael Scott
25. “It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” — Stanley Hudson
26. "The real crime, I think, was the beard.” —Oscar Martinez
27. "I have a warm blanket and several cozy pillows. I read a chapter of a book and then it's lights out by 8:30.That's how I sleep at night." — Angela Martin
28. "I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs." —Phyllis Vance
29. "Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them...or he quits because they are unfair." — Andy Bernard
30. “Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” — Phyllis Vance
31. "My philosophy is basically this, and this is something I live by, and always have, and always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you're with or...or where you are going, or where you have been, ever, for any reason whatsoever." — Michael Scott
32. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way, like an improv conversation....an improversation.” – Michael Scott
33. “It’s true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” — Stanley Hudson
34. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott
35. “Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.” — Phyllis Vance
36. “I got six numbers. One more and it would have been a complete phone number.” — Kevin Malone
37. “I am Beyoncé, always.” — Michael Scott
38. “You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.” — Kelly Kapoor,
39. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.” – Kelly Kapoor
40. “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.” — Kevin Malone
41. "I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream of equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.” — Stanley Hudson
42. “I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” — Creed Bratton
43. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” — Michael Scott
44. “As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.” — Phyllis Vance
45. "Why waste time use lot word when few word do trick?" —Kevin Malone
46. “We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.” — Phyllis Vance
47. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson
48. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” — Kelly Kapoor
49. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” —Dwight Schrute
50. "That's what she said!" — Michael Scott
There you have it, the 50 best quotes from The Office, in order! Now you know exactly when all those lines were said, which feels....
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