1. First up, either not having central heating in your home, or having it and refusing to run it for more than one hour per day.
2. And instead relying on a single, crappy Kmart heater that chews through electricity and provides warmth exclusively to those within a 2-metre radius of it.
3. Or not owning a heater at all and having a really weird, unexplainable superiority complex about it?
4. Wearing a minimum of six layers indoors at all times.
5. And sometimes gloves and a beanie.
6. Stripping off at least four layers when you go outdoors, because for some reason it's 10 degrees cooler in the house.
7. And as soon as you step foot on public transport, where heating levels are set permanently to "Satan's scrotum".
8. Telling all your friends about how much you love your Oodie and convincing them to also pay $100 for a glorified polyester cocoon.
9. Wearing said Oodie for every occasion — from work meetings to dog walking.
10. Electing to wear a face mask absolutely everywhere because it keeps your face gloriously warm.
11. And your snotty nose out of sight.
12. Panicking the minute you get a sore throat, a blocked nose, or a tickling cough.
13. And attempting to self-diagnose whether it's COVID-19, a seasonal flu, a crappy winter cold, or just allergies.
14. Having at least one mate who offers an unprompted "It's not even that cold!" to the conversation every 15 minutes.
15. And then watching them attempt not to shiver in their Bintang singlet and thongs.
playing the "is it a cold or is it covid" game but either way i can feel my soul leaking out my ears
16. Complaining bitterly about how cold it is on the one day of the week that you have to trudge into the office.
17. Despite previously surviving it for five days every week, every winter, for the last five years.
18. But being pretty grateful to be there once the central heating thaws your frozen bones.
19. Wearing your Uniqlo puffer jacket everywhere.
20. And ranting to anyone who will listen to you about the ~ultra light down~.
21. Or being bougie as hell and owning the Patagonia or North Face versions.
22. Drowning your lips in Lucas' Papaw Ointment to stave off intense winter cracking.
23. And your nostrils, too, following a bit too much vigorous snot blowing.
24. Living off a diet of Continental Cup-a-Soups, instant noodles, and Woolies' roast chooks.
25. And guzzling more Milo in a day than water.
26. Fucking off to Europe when it all gets too unbearable.
27. And absolutely battering your social circles with pictures of you in Greece, Italy, and France.
28. Or being left behind and steadfastly maintaining that "winter in Australia is not even that bad!"
29. Watching your Instagram stories light up with temperature statuses from everyone as soon as it dips below 8 degrees Celsius.
30. Being more concerned about your pet's well-being than your own.
31. And waking up throughout the night to make sure they're tucked in and cosy.
32. Feeling a little nostalgic for the oppressive humidity of summer.
33. Even though it caused your entire home to be infested with mould.
34. Showering at least twice a day just so you can stand under the scalding water and get warm.
35. And then watching as the mould returns to your bathroom ceiling.
36. Putting your PJs in the tumble dryer so they're toasty warm for you.
37. Then freezing regardless as soon as you get into bed because the sheets are inexplicably icy cold.
38. Looking up flights to Hamilton Island but balking at the exorbitant prices.
39. So changing tact and hunting through Jetstar for sales to Bali.
40. Hosting Christmas in July so you can get drunk on mulled wine and stuff yourself on roast potatoes.
41. But getting sad that it's not the true Australian Christmas, when things are toasty warm and sweaty.
42. Telling yourself you're going to experiment with winter fashion this year.
43. Then wearing the exact same trackies, hoodie, and Uggs for at least six days running.
44. And finally, announcing every year that "It definitely wasn't this cold last year!" but outright refusing to invest in warmer clothes and better heating for the following winter.