My Official And Objectively Correct Ranking Of Every John Carpenter Movie

Sadly, Carpenter's worst film is his most recent one. Nearly a decade after his last movie, Carpenter returned to the director's chair one final time for The Ward, which focuses on a woman in a psychiatric ward who thinks she is being haunted by a former inmate. By this point, Carpenter's frustration with the studio system had become noticeable in the quality of his films, and you would never guess that this mediocre, forgettable psychological thriller comes from one of the most brilliant minds in filmmaking. It would be a shame if this was Carpenter's last-ever film, but there's been a recent glimmer of hope that he may return to directing, as an article from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette last month reported that "Carpenter said that he has a few projects ‘lined up and percolating’ that will involve him flexing his skills as a director, writer, and composer." Hopefully, this isn't just rumor, and Carpenter delivers us another classic.

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Remakes have always been in the DNA of horror and Carpenter decided to give his own spin on the 1960 horror cult classic of the same name. A group of children are born in a small coastal town in California at the same time under mysterious circumstances and share a telekinetic bond that they use to take down anyone in their way. Sadly, this is a remake that fails to justify its own existence. The worst thing about Village of the Damned is that it is boring, which is not how you might expect to describe a movie about psychic demonic children terrorizing a town. The best part of the movie is that the kids do look genuinely creepy, as the dead-eyed, white-blonde hair, and pale skin is an effectively eery look.

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Jack Crow (James Woods) is the leader of a Vatican-sponsored team of vampire hunters who is determined to keep an ancient and powerful cross from getting into the hands of Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith), the master vampire, who would use it to make himself virtually invincible. It's a fun premise, but sadly the execution is squandered, as Vampires often feels unfocused and almost none of the characters are very charming or likable or even particularly memorable. Carpenter still was a capable director with a few tricks up his sleeve, but by this point in his career, it felt like his heart was no longer in filmmaking.

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Nick (Chevy Chase) is a slightly shady stockbroker who accidentally ends up becoming invisible due to napping in the wrong place at the wrong time. While he tries to figure out a way to become visible again, he is hunted down by multiple parties hoping to use him for their own nefarious ends. Despite being one of the icons of horror, the invisible man has proven to be a tough figure to translate successfully onto the screen. And that remains the case here, as Memoirs of an Invisible Man doesn't really do anything imaginative or fun with the concept and instead mostly serves as an early glimpse into the decline of Chase. Though, to Carpenter's credit, some of the visual sequences of Nick's invisibility are pretty impressive

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In the 22nd century, a cop (Natasha Henstridge) and a notorious criminal (Ice Cube) reluctantly join forces to fight off possessed miners on Mars. While Carpenter may be most strongly associated with horror, it's clear that he has a deep love for Westerns and he manages to incorporate elements of the genre into Ghost of Mars. But even though a supernatural space Western starring Ice Cube sounds like a slam dunk on paper, the actual movie itself is mostly a mess with a few exciting sequences sprinkled in. Even Ice Cube himself spoke poorly of the movie, saying years later that he was excited to work with Carpenter, but the lack of a budget tanked the movie. Ghost of Mars was a bomb financially and critically, and its failure seemed to affect Carpenter deeply, as he took a nearly decade-long hiatus from making movies.

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Sequels are always a tricky gambit and, for the most part, Carpenter has avoided them (except when he happily collects checks every time studio execs decide to make more Halloween movies). The only exception is Escape from LA, which has Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) heading into a ravaged Los Angeles in search of the president's daughter. Nothing about New York suggested the need for a sequel, but who am I to complain about more Snake in our lives? And even though it doesn't live up to the magic of the original Escape and has some genuinely terrible special effects, LA remains a chaotically good time in its own right.

Watch in on Prime Video via Showtime.

Space films usually tell the stories of great heroes on epic adventures but Dark Star gives us a glimpse of the final frontier's working stiffs. We follow the lovably rough crew of Dark Star, a ship that is sent out to search for planets that may allow future habitation for humans. This is Carpenter's directorial debut, which he made shortly after he finished film school at USC. And, honestly, it feels a bit like a film school student's first movie, as Dark Star is shaggy, a little aimless, and doesn't totally come together the way you hope. But Carpenter shows his talents behind the camera from the very start, as he had a natural eye and his intuition for efficient, succinct camerawork was on display in this hang-out space adventure. The low budget and short timeframe also forced Carpenter to wear a ton of hats, as he made the score for the film (something he would continue to do to great success) and was the co-writer, alongside Dan O'Bannon (who would go on to write a little movie called Alien).

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There is no writer affiliated with horror more than Stephen King, and so, it seems only natural that one of the biggest directors in horror would eventually take on one of King's legendary stories for the big screen. Christine is about an evil car that manages to take over the life of Arnie (Keith Gordon), an awkward teen who buys it in the hopes of improving his social standing around school. It's not King's most beloved or well-known story, but Carpenter works best with a premise that doesn't get too complicated, which is why he is a perfect fit for a plot that can be boiled down to "evil car fucks shit up." 

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After winning a bet, Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) accidentally gets caught up in the secret underground world of San Francisco's Chinatown and finds himself facing off against secret evil organizations and an ancient sorcerer. Nobody understands how to use Russell onscreen better than director John Carpenter, and he pulls it off again here; Burton is a clever subversion of the badass action star who sees himself as the hero even though he's mainly just along for the ride, and Russell nails that unearned cockiness perfectly. Big Trouble flopped at the box office and was met with mixed reviews from critics, but in the decades since its release, it has become a cult hit and is now seen as one of the smarter and funnier action blockbusters of the '80s. The fact that this is only Carpenter's tenth best film (according to my objectively correct ranking) shows just how incredible and deep his filmography truly is.

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Carpenter is an expert at making the most out of the least, and that is especially true of story. Rather than overcomplicate things, Carpenter likes to keep his movies as simple as possible, which allows for him to fill in the gaps through visuals. One of the best examples of this approach is Assault on Precinct 13, which tells the refreshingly clear story of a police officer (Austin Stoker) and a ragtag group of prisoners and staff members who are forced to defend a precinct from Street Thunder, a local gang that has sworn revenge on the LAPD. Carpenter dives immediately into setting everything up so that once the invasion begins, it is nothing but wonderfully crafted action.

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On its 100th anniversary, the serene small town of Antonio Bay is visited by a mysterious glowing fog that coincides with members of the town turning up dead with no explanation. Father Malone (Hal Holbrook) discovers a diary from a previous priest which reveals the origins of the fog and the vengeful force that has come to wreak havoc on Antonio Bay. Once again, Carpenter simply knows how to make a really entertaining movie by putting thought into the details that most directors wouldn't bother with. Its this level of craft that makes a movie like this transcend its elementary plot, as the well-developed characters and innovative effects make The Fog a delightfully spooky watch.

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Carpenter is often labeled as a cynic (which, to be fair, is not entirely inaccurate, at least when it comes to his movies), but he shows his capability for sincerity in this story of an alien exploring earth in the form of a young (and extremely dreamy) Jeff Bridges. While the premise obviously invites certain sci-fi elements to the film, Starman mostly functions as a romantic drama, as "Scott" (Jeff Bridges) encounters and connects with Jenny (Karen Allen), a recent widow. The chemistry between Allen and Bridges pops off the screen and confirms that Carpenter is every bit as capable of creating romantic tension as the tension he is most known for in horror. Starman feels like an anomaly perhaps more than any other film in his career yet that does not mean that it is any less essential to understanding the genius of Carpenter.

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Nada (Roddy Piper) is a drifter who is shocked to discover that an alien race has secretly taken over Earth and subdued humans via subliminal messaging that puts them into a complacent trance. Nada must now try to expose the truth to humanity while also avoiding being killed by the alien overlords. This is yet another example of a Carpenter film that was misunderstood by critics at the time, but thankfully, it is also yet another example of a Carpenter film that has gained a dedicated cult following who rightly reclaim They Live as a sci-fi action masterpiece. It also has perhaps the best single fight scene in movie history, which lasts nearly six minutes and manages to be simultaneously brutal, cinematic, realistic, and funny.

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A priest (Donald Pleasence) invites a team of quantum physicists to his parish to investigate an ominous container that is filled with an unidentified green substance. As the team tries to make sense of what they are seeing, it is revealed through dreams that inside the cylinder is the corporeal embodiment of Satan. They have to figure out a way to stop this unspeakable evil from entering the world before it's too late (and before they all become possessed members of Satan's army). Carpenter knows that the key to making a horror movie work is tone, and he unsurprisingly nails it yet again, as the vibes are creepy from the opening credits all the way to the very last shot. It's also a pretty gnarly and gross film, with the use of larva and different kinds of bugs doing some powerful work toward making the audience feel unsettled.

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Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) is given the chance to avoid a life sentence if he can rescue the president from Manhattan, which has become a maximum security prison that nobody is ever allowed to leave. Escape from New York is skewering the lazy tropes of the action genre while simultaneously functioning as a rad-as-hell action movie. And at the heart of that is Plissken, as Russell is doing a hilarious parody of the badass action star, complete with an eye patch and a gravelly delivery that would make Clint Eastwood proud. Yet he is so naturally badass that you almost forget that it's tongue-in-cheek and watching him navigate through the strange, borderline apocalyptic society built in Manhattan absolutely rules.

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John Trent (Sam Neill) is an insurance investigator who is looking into the disappearance of successful horror author whose work supposedly caused readers to lose their minds. As Trent dives deeper into the investigation, he finds the lines between reality and fiction becoming increasingly hazy and tries to make sense of what is happening around him. Neill is phenomenal in the lead role, always holding onto Trent's humanity even as he slowly but surely loses his tenuous grip on reality and his own sanity. This movie is the last truly great piece of work Carpenter has made, and yet it remains criminally underrated and under-watched even by fans of the director. If you have not seen In the Mouth of Madness, I encourage you to do yourself a massive favor and watch it ASAP. You can thank me later.

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Even if you had no idea who John Carpenter was before reading this list, you were aware of his most popular film. Halloween did not just redefine Carpenter's career; it redefined an entire genre, as no single movie has had as much of an impact on horror over the last 40 years than this classic. Carpenter wrote Halloween in 10 days and completed the whole thing on a shoestring budget but you'd never know it, as watching Michael Myers hunt down Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) remains a chilling and brilliant spectacle. So much of what we would come to know about Carpenter as a director is present here, including a simple premise, the examination of evil in the world, and instinctively knowing when to embrace expectations and when to subvert them. It's the one that Carpenter will be remembered for, and in 100 years, Halloween will still be scaring the shit out of teens and making everybody just a little nervous about who or what might be watching us.

Watch it on Prime Video with AMC+.

A group of researchers based in Antarctica come into contact with an alien life form that has the ability to perfectly imitate any life form. As the crew tries to figure out how to stop this evil thing, they also have to figure out who can and can't be trusted. Despite being a box office bomb that derailed Carpenter's rise up the ladder of success in Hollywood, The Thing has been the subject of massive cultural re-appreciation in the 40 years since its release. These days, it's not just widely considered the best picture in Carpenter's stacked filmography; it's become a popular shortlist answer for the greatest movies ever made. And it's tough to argue with that, as The Thing is a flawless film that continues to thrill and terrify each new generation of movie fans. The utter paranoia that permeates every interaction is a masterclass in tension and the simple, straightforward premise allows Carpenter to flex his muscles as a visual storyteller. The Thing is the crown jewel of Carpenter's incredible career and showcases exactly why he is one of the most celebrated filmmakers of all time.

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