Sorry, I can't write a proper intro this week. My mind is entirely consumed by Ariana DeBose's BAFTA performance, which I'm unironically obsessed with. (She's right — HANGELA BASSETT did, in fact, do the thing.)
Ariana DeBose, condragulations, you're the winner of this week's internet.
Make sure you follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!
1.
three suited men in my coffeeshop. one of them just said, "my personal idea of progress is moving things forward," which is actually just the definition. everyone's nodding. guys like this are in charge of every industry and it's clearly why trains explode
2.
My dad actually took me to my first appointment at the transgender clinic and I was like "This is so cool of you, it's like we're going to Thunderdome! 'Two men enter, one man leaves'"
3.
So… a girl got her hair done, got in a fight, snatched her opponents wig, brought it in to her stylist with her original wig hanging off, and got her opponents wig installed 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣 WTF y’all young bitches got it
4.
I asked my boyfriend did he feel like God blessed him when he gave him me & this man said “nah, more like God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers” LMFAOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂
6.
"humor was much better in 2017" humor in 2017: whomstve the fucc ate my spaghet
7.
Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time.
8.
many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son's teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her " he NEVER speaks", I asked him - " Gabo, what's going on?" he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman"
9.
Tiktok comment: Is that vase from Target? Reply in the form of a video: Ok you guys I know I look crazy, just ignore that, I don't know what the filter is doing. It's been a long day. So I've been getting a lot of people, um, asking if that vase I showed is from Target. Firstly,
10.
Putting on lotion is such a task it’s like I don’t want to be dry but damn
11.
Sometimes I think about how my husband told me once there was a girl in high school who would invite him to sit in her car at lunch and put on music that she’d joke was good make out music and he thought she just really enjoyed music.
12.
the second i *notice* the necklace i’ve been comfortably wearing all day
13.
EVERYONE STOP WHAT THEYRE DOING AND LISTEN TO ME!!!! WE ALL KNOW TO MUCH ABOUT ONE ANOTHER. https://t.co/chjfJqxtPf
14.
Beyoncé saying “I know you had it rough growing up but that’s okay I like it rough” is insane girl he need therapy not pussy
15.
on the day i was planning on coming out to my trans sister i was wearing tights shorts and mascara with my nails painted and she randomly looked at me and said "how does it feel to be the only cisgender sibling in the family" and i still couldn't tell her for like another 6 hours
16.
does anyone know a good divorce lawyer? my husband asked what I was reading and I said, "a room of one's own" and he replied, "I actually prefer rooms with two or three zones"
17.
We did it.
18.
controversial take but I think Will Smith should slap Chris Rock again this year
19.
you cant deny the hollywood walk of fame would be a lot more fun if the stars were those people's graves
20.
When I was 14 my mom found a condom in my room and was like crying so she got my dad to take me to a Mexican restaurant and all he did was get margarita drunk & trauma dump on me & tell me about how much he cheats on my mom. Then he drove us home and we almost died like 6 times
21.
Having a boyfriend is so awesome like there’s just a guy in ur house whose job it is to know where countries are and what exactly Watergate was
Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women!
20 Hysterical Tweets By Women That Made Me Laugh So Hard The Wind Was Knocked Right Out Of Me