I love cucumbers. Raw, pickled, spicy or sweet, even daintily dipped in a dish of salt and eaten out of hand. I love cucumbers so much, in fact, I wrote a book about them (go ahead and order several copies. I’ll wait). Growing up largely on vinegary salads of sharp red onion and sliced raw cucumbers, I didn’t realize cooking cucumbers was even a thing until fairly recently. But cooking unleashes a sexier side I never knew cucumbers had, taking on that hard-to-define texture that we who write recipes are always telling you to look for: the elusive “crisp-tender.”
If cooking cukes is new to you, too, start with this recipe for spicy cucumbers and beef with black vinegar, garlic, and herbs: maybe my favorite from the book (you’ll graduate to the butter-baked cucumbers next). Cooked in rendered beef fat and showered with herbs, the cucumbers end up rich and unctuous but still retain some of their natural snap. There are a few keys to getting it right, though.
First, and I apologize for saying this: Don’t skip the black vinegar. Typically, I am all about substitutions and using whatever you have on hand, but, in this case, the black vinegar, made in part from glutinous rice and wheat bran, offers a specific smoky low note and is key to keeping the ingredient list short. A little of this, and you won’t need to add more soy, sugar, and black pepper. If desperate times are calling, you can use balsamic, but you’ll likely need to add more soy sauce and omit the sugar (but taste as you go—you just might like what you’ve created). The bottle I use is labeled Chinkiang Vinegar. Gold Plum makes it and it has a yellow label. Look for it at Asian markets or on the internet (I mean, you’re already here).
Next, a note about cooking the beef: You’re looking for a lot of crispy bits. It’s the contrast between these chewy nuggets and the slightly crunchy watery cucumbers that make this dish really sing. Go ahead and cook the beef through first, breaking up the chunks with a wooden spoon, and don’t worry about it too much. Then, and this is the important part, spread the beef in an even layer around your skillet or wok and press firmly so it sizzles. Let is sit there, undisturbed (that means no-touching), for a couple minutes. It might even start to stick a little—that’s OK! Scrape up the meat and repeat, spreading, pressing, not-touching, until there are a lot of irresistible crispy bits scattered throughout. I like an 80/20 ground blend for this recipe because the beef fat aids the crisping process. If all you have, or what you prefer, is leaner ground sirloin, that’s okay, you just might need to add more vegetable oil to the skillet. Ground pork would also be a good idea here.
Third, and this should go without saying: Pick the best cucumbers you can find. Yes, they’re getting cooked, and, yes, they’ll soften, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to start with slightly squishy, been-in-the-crisper-a-day-too-long cukes. Perky, crunchy specimens are best. I call for medium, but you could make up the difference with twice as many firm Kirbies or Persians if that’s what you find.
We’re entering my favorite time of year—end-of-summer-not-quite-fall. We have access to the very best summer produce, cucumbers included, but you can sleep with the windows open and my hair looks really good. So grab a light jacket and give these cooked cukes a try.
Cook up some cukes:
