New Book Reveals Women Struggle With Monogamy More Than Men Do

Trending News: Women Cheat Far More Than You Might Expect, New Book Reveals

If Hollywood is your point of reference, men have wandering eyes and are always the ones to stray from the relationship – but a book released in September begs to differ.

Wednesday Martin’s book, UNTRUE: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free, challenges the popular belief that women are always the ones to stay committed. Rather, they might cheat far more frequently than you think.

RELATED: Can Relationships Survive Affairs? Here's Everything You Need To Know

Monogamy Is Difficult for Everyone

Martin wrote the book for personal reasons – because she wondered (as many of us do) if she could stay committed to her newlywed forever. "Is monogamy going to suit me and my husband forever?" she wondered aloud to Tonic. "How do other couples handle this? What's the evolutionary prehistory of pair-bonding—and specifically of female sexuality—and what can it tell me about my conundrums now?"

In her research, she found that we have a skewed perspective of what women want sexually and out of their relationships. 

"In the US, we've embraced the notion that women step out because they want "emotional intimacy," she said in the interview. "But research by numerous experts including Alicia Walker suggests that many women are cheating for the same reason men are—they want great sex."

Wired to Roam

Martin says that studies which showing how often people cheat might not be accurate, as women tend to underreport this sort of thing. As it stands, stats range from 13 percent of women who've had sex with someone other than their spouse compared to 50 percent, according to the author.

In another study, Martin found that as many as a third of women cheat even when they describe their relationship as "happy" or "very happy," so it's not like women only cheat as a last resort.

"We're so sure that it's men who are wired to roam' and get bored with monogamy faster than women do," said Martin to Tonic. "But women are the ones who struggle especially with the institutionalization of roles and domesticity dampening their desire, as experts including Esther Perel and Meana have found."

I think the point here is that -- like it or not -- we can't put men, women or anyone identifying as a particular gender into a particular box. Some cheat, some stay faithful. Monogamy works for some, alternatives like polyamory work for others. All that to say: communicate, communicate, communicate!

You Might Also Dig

• If You Want A Successful Long-Term Relationship, Read This
• If You've Ever Fantasized About A Threesome, You Need To Read This
• Everything You Need To Know About Polyamory - And We Do Mean Everything