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Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse Paperback – August 25, 2016
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- Print length284 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateAugust 25, 2016
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.64 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-100997829087
- ISBN-13978-0997829082
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Shannon Thomas has written an important book about something ugly, hidden, and difficult to describe. Psychological abuse. How is it possible that one person can gain so much power to destroy another person s sense of worth, safety, and sanity? Shannon tells you how, but more importantly, she gives you a roadmap that helps you wake up, break free, heal, and rebuild your shattered life. --Leslie Vernick LCSW, counselor, coach, speaker, and author of The Emotionally Destructive Marriage and The Emotionally Destructive Relationship.
Few writers are able to connect research, experience, and intuitive understanding as Shannon Thomas does in her groundbreaking new book for survivors of emotional and psychological trauma. In Healing from Hidden Abuse, you will find not only evidence of Shannon's expertise as a therapist who has worked with clients suffering from the trauma of covert psychological abuse, but also her powerful mastery of the crucial questions that are needed in order to work through the trauma and heal. --Shahida Arabi, author of Becoming the Narcissist s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself and founder of Self-Care Haven.
About the Author
Bridging clinical advice with pop culture language, Thomas approaches her counseling work and writing from the lens of a therapist and as a fellow survivor of psychological abuse. Her first book, Healing from Hidden Abuse, is an international bestseller, has been published in multiple languages, and serves as a road map for book studies and host groups in eleven countries and thirty-five states across the United States. Thomas also coined the "Six Stages of Healing from Hidden Abuse" model, which has been met with favorable reviews and high applause from readers and medical professionals across the world.
Thomas has been featured in top media outlets including The Oprah Magazine, Associated Press, Business Insider, Reader's Digest, Yahoo!, Yahoo! Finance, Teen Vogue, Elite Daily, and Bustle.
Product details
- Publisher : MAST Publishing House (August 25, 2016)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 284 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0997829087
- ISBN-13 : 978-0997829082
- Item Weight : 12.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.64 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #20,809 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #19 in Domestic Partner Abuse (Books)
- #27 in Abuse Self-Help
- #36 in Personality Disorders (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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Journal and questions at the end great for self reflection
Allyssa
About the author
Shannon Thomas, LCSW is the international bestselling author of Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse and Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon, and the owner/lead therapist of an award-winning counseling practice. Thomas is the co-founder of Keep Dreaming Big Project, a IRS-approved 501 (c)(3), which grants life-enriching wishes for survivors of abuse.
Bridging clinical advice with pop culture language, Thomas approaches her writing from the lens of a certified trauma therapist and as a fellow survivor of psychological and financial abuse. Her first book, Healing from Hidden Abuse, an international bestseller, has been published in several languages and serves as a road map for book studies and groups in multiple countries and across the United States. Thomas also developed the "Six Stages of Healing from Hidden Abuse" model, which has been met with favorable reviews and high applause from readers and mental health professionals worldwide.
Thomas is a content expert in media outlets including The Oprah Magazine, Associated Press, Business Insider, Reader's Digest, Yahoo!, Yahoo! Finance, USA Today, and Teen Vogue.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book an aid for the wounded soul, very kindly but straightforward. They also describe the writing as articulate, straightforward, and refreshingly transparent. Readers say the content is full of helpful information for survivors of psychological abuse and has a good introduction on Cluster B personality disorders. They find the content relatable and validating.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book full of helpful information for survivors of psychological abuse and enlightening points. They also say it's written in a down-to-earth, hard truth approach perspective with warmth, intelligence, wisdom, and compassion. Readers say the book helps them see the behaviors and patterns so that they can keep from being abused by others. They appreciate the specificity and gentleness of the book. They mention that the author also facilitates leading or participating in support groups on a website noted in the book, and that it has a good introduction on Cluster B personality disorders, focusing on narcissistic personality.
"...uncannily accurate, and the complexity of this subject really is well documented and so incredibly well understood and written about by this author...." Read more
"...There is a ton of specificity to validate your current reality and a gentle, compassionate tone...." Read more
"...Im in shock completely and outer shock. This has been one of the most interesting, well written, easy to understand, very helpful book I’ve read in..." Read more
"...Read this book and it will help you clearly understand the mind games, manipulation and other things that you are dealing with from your abuser...." Read more
Customers find the book articulate, practical, and thorough. They also say the author writes with genuine warmth, intelligence, wisdom, and compassion. Readers describe the book as a work of literary science and art, straightforward, and strong on the survivor. They say the stages are incredible and the author is refreshingly transparent, open, and real.
"...The complexity of the subject is so well treated in this book that it left me wanting the author to continue and will be a source of reference and..." Read more
"...Shannon Thomas is spot on about all of the stages and writes with such compassion and hope...." Read more
"...This has been one of the most interesting, well written, easy to understand, very helpful book I’ve read in years...." Read more
"...The book is easy-to-read, straightforward, and strongly "on the survivor's side"...." Read more
Customers find the book sympathetic, insightful, and liberating. They also appreciate the supportive and encouraging attitude. Readers also say the book provides tools to help them heal and recover. They mention the author is comforting and easy to listen to.
"...This book has a very supportive and maturely compassionate listing of the affects of this kind of abuse and many different complicated ways this..." Read more
"...that Shannon emphasizes throughout the book: you really can heal from psychological abuse. It takes time. Be gentle on yourself...." Read more
"...I bought the audio book as well, I love the reader! She is so comforting and easy to listen to...." Read more
"...This book is helping me heal myself, and it has taught me this is important because--the thing about psychological abusers is that they almost never..." Read more
Customers find the book relatable, informative, and honest. They appreciate that it provides professional insight into an often challenging topic. Readers also appreciate that the book is research-based and written by a practicing psychologist. They say it's profound and significant in their journey so far.
"I've recommended this book to many. It's very validating and informative!" Read more
"...Readers will feel validated, less alone, understood, and hopeful in restoring trust in their own intuition." Read more
"...It provides validation and knowledge, deconstructing and demystifying a type of abuse that is often hidden and dismissed...." Read more
"...It was validating, and therefore healing, to finally realize why I felt so traumatized,... to understand why it was difficult to "just let it..." Read more
Customers find the book's emotional resonance amazing, stunning, and real. They also say the author is honest, compassionate, and encouraging. Readers appreciate the real-life examples.
"...confirm what I saw from the beginning that it is a very accurate description of the phenomenon of psychological abuse right down to words I'd been..." Read more
"...Also the author (an LCSW) is refreshingly transparent, open & real. To me Freud did the world great harm in many ways...." Read more
"I thought this book was very well written, is honest and holistic in approach...." Read more
"...She is realistic, knowing, for example, that a blanket prescription for No Contact does not serve those coming out of a long marriage who must..." Read more
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I've now finished reading this book and listening to the audio version of it and can confirm what I saw from the beginning that it is a very accurate description of the phenomenon of psychological abuse right down to words I'd been using to describe my experiences with it so that was quite a reaffirming experience. The complexity of the subject is so well treated in this book that it left me wanting the author to continue and will be a source of reference and study for me going forward so I got the ebook version too because it will be easy to search for topics that are all throughout the writing even in addition to the headings of various sections, there's just so much information in the writing that highlighting will also be helpful. The comparison of the subject to dealing with deprogramming from a cult was something I'd thought of too and a very important aspect of the book is that it treats the subject as situational rather than looking for some particular biological or chemical reason for the disastrous affects of being the victim/target of psychological abuse and this factor of looking at the entire situation and all players in it is something that is sorely missing from modern psychological theories and practice from what I've seen. One can imagine too and probably do the research to find these kinds of patterns of psychological abuse all throughout history so it's nothing new and a very good idea to get educated to it which is recommended in the book as stage 2 of the process of healing. Apparently there are also study groups organized around this book and they can be found from a reference in the book to the author's website that is the title of the book. I hope to see many more such works by this author and others further delineating this important subject it is ground breaking and breathtaking in it's clarity and exposing this extremely important subject in my opinion.
Shannon Thomas is spot on about all of the stages and writes with such compassion and hope. There is a ton of specificity to validate your current reality and a gentle, compassionate tone. She even mentions that in Stage 6, Maintenance (where I am now), it is common to look back at the earlier stages to gain a deeper healing. I have friends who keep admonishing me to “Move on. You’re in such a better place now. Let it go!” But I can’t. There’s something pulling me back to look at it, and now I understand why. After reading this book, I do feel I can let it go more. But not totally. And that’s important: to move forward but never forget. Thank you for this, Shannon.
The parts about how family members are won over by the abuser and play into the abuse are particularly helpful too. Mine did and still do, and it’s devastating. What is true about psychological abuse is that it is always with you: I still question myself: did this really happen? (Yes.) Was it as bad as I though it was? (Yes.) Was it ME? (Hell no.) My ex, who, because of our children is a “detached contact” situation, stilll engages in the gaslighting/crazymaking behavior but it is so ridiculously subtle. It is crucial for survivors to read and re-read books like this to maintain their groundedness in the healed space.
The thing I am still stuck on is Shannon’s emphasis on the personality disorder aspect of the psychological abuse behavior. I am sure my ex is not a psychopath or sociopath. But is he a covert narcissist? I don’t know. I can’t wrap my head around that most days. So if he is not, does that mean that this (the abuse, all of the trauma, and my life changing journey because of it...) didn’t happen the way I thought it did? Was it actually something else? That is the part that leaves me stumped and still seeking. That would be my only slight criticism of this book. It feels like a requirement that the abuser have a personality disorder, and that leaves me in a confused state where I circle around and around it in my brain. I imagine that Shannon would argue that he IS a covert narcissist in that case, though, because his tactic is to keep me off-balance and questioning myself.
Other books that helped me validate the abuse without the “requirement” of a personality disorder were Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He DO That?” And Patricia Evans’ “The Verbally Abusive Relationship”.
I want to leave with the message that Shannon emphasizes throughout the book: you really can heal from psychological abuse. It takes time. Be gentle on yourself. I feel I have discovered my Purpose and Power from this devastating experience and even considering that I lost so much, I am really happy with my life and have become the woman I have always wanted to be, not only for myself but also for my kids.
Top reviews from other countries
Post divorce , I happened to read this book by chance. It changed my perspective about an abusive relationship with a BPD-Borderline Personality Disorder
(Diagnosed after divorce)
Even knowing about her BPD condition , I was still under the belief that her love was genuine most times and she had gone astray unintentionally which led to divorce.
The book opened up the exact patterns of abuse my Ex was practising during our relationship and made me realise the depth and the reasons for co-dependency I had with my partner for a shorter period post divorce.
A true guide for a person to come out of any abusive relationship they are undergoing.
An incredible eyeopener .Thanks a million Dr Shannon
Who is a psychological abuser?
What is the difference between Narcissist, Sociopath, and Psychopath?
Do abusers know what they are doing?
Where, when, how, and why do they harm others?
Why can't they change?
The aha-moments of this part finally lead to a sobering realisation. The relationship was all a lie and the abusive behaviour was intentional.
The description of the six phases of recovery begins on page 65. It is the largest part of the book.
1. Despair: Life of survivors has become unmanageable
2. Education: Terms related to psychological abuse are explained like Gaslighting, Smear Campaign, Flying Monkeys, Narcissistic Offense, Intermittent Reinforcement, Idealize, Devalue, and Discard Phases
3. Awakening: Become aware of the abuse dynamics; you are not crazy; you are not alone; toxic people are everywhere
4. Boundaries: Healing can occur when boundaries are implemented and enforced. No Contact or Detached Contact are key elements
5. Restoration: Regain an enjoyable life, restore financial stability, physical health, emotional well-being, replace material items
6. Maintenance: Guard against future abuse, carefully select people who belong to the inner circle, shift away from old thought patterns and habits
The final part begins on page 187 with the Personal Reflections Journal. Here the reader is encouraged to write down personal episodes, events, insights, and opinions to strengthen their comprehension.
In addition to the profound educational content, this book was particularly helpful to me because it also contains the practical part. Writing things down allowed me to clarify my own experience with toxic people. Journaling is a powerful method of therapy.