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Shahida Arabi
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Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Kindle Edition

by Shahida Arabi (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
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Although clinical research has been conducted on narcissism as a disorder, less is known about its effects on victims who are in toxic relationships with partners with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Individuals with this disorder engage in chronic devaluation and manipulation of their partners, a psychological and emotional phenomenon known as "narcissistic abuse." Unfortunately, the full extent of what narcissistic abuse entails is not taught in any psychology class or diagnostic manual. Since pathological narcissists are unlikely to seek treatment for their disorder, it is difficult to pinpoint what exactly makes a narcissistic abuser tick and the manipulative tactics they use, which are likely to differ from those of other types of abusers as they are more covert and underhanded. What is even more baffling is the addiction we form with our narcissistic abusers, created by biochemical bonds and trauma bonds that are also unlike any other relationship we experience. In this book, survivors will learn: •The red flags of narcissistic behavior and covert manipulation tactics, including subtle signs many survivors don't catch in the early stages of dating a narcissist. •The motives behind narcissistic abuse and techniques to resist a narcissist's manipulation. •Why abuse survivors usually stay with a narcissist long after incidents of abuse occur. •How our own brain chemistry locks us into an addiction with a narcissistic or toxic partner, creating cravings for the constant chaos of the abuse cycle. •Traditional and alternative methods to begin to detach and heal from the addiction to the narcissist, including eleven important steps all survivors must take on the road to healing. •Methods to rewrite the narratives that abusers have written for us so we can begin to reconnect with our authentic selves and purpose. •How to rebuild an even more victorious and empowering life after abuse. Narcissistic partners employ numerous stealthy tactics to devalue and manipulate their victims behind closed doors. These partners lack empathy and demonstrate an incredible sense of entitlement and sense of superiority which drives their exploitative behavior in interpersonal relationships. Their tactics can include verbal abuse and emotional invalidation, stonewalling, projection, taking control of every aspect of the victim’s life, gaslighting and triangulation. Due to the narcissistic partner’s “false self,” the charismatic mask he or she projects to society, the victim often feels isolated in this type of abuse and is unlikely to have his or her experiences validated by friends, family and society. Using the latest scientific research as well as thousands of survivor accounts, this book will explore how the emotional manipulation tactics of narcissistic and antisocial partners affect those around them, particularly with regards to its cumulative socioemotional and psychological effects on the victim. It will also address questions such as: What successful techniques, tools and healing modalities (both traditional and alternative) are available to survivors who have been ridiculed, manipulated, verbally abused and subject to psychological warfare? What can survivors do to better engage in self-love and self-care? How can they forge the path to healthier relationships, especially if they've been a victim of narcissistic abuse by multiple people or raised by a narcissist? Most importantly, how can they use their experiences of narcissistic abuse to empower themselves towards personal development? What can their interactions with a narcissistic abuser teach them about themselves,their relationship patterns and the wounds that still need to be healed in order to move forward into the happy relationships and victorious lives they do deserve?
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  1. Print length
    598 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publication date
    23 April 2016
  5. File size
    2322 KB
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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
3,520 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the content very useful and helpful with techniques and methods for recovery. They also appreciate the brilliant list of resources. Opinions differ on the writing style, with some finding it authoritative and well-written, while others say it's repetitive and muddled.

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ContentWriting style
33 customers mention ‘Content’33 positive0 negative

Customers find the content very useful, giving guidance to recover from toxic relationships. They also say the book is professionally informed, properly written, and a great survival tool. Readers also mention that the book provides empowering and inspirational content that is concise and practical.

"...The pages of this book, allow for awareness and understanding on all levels of abuse, victims suffer at the hands of Narcissists...." Read more

"Yep this is very helpful no doubt about it...." Read more

"...would have gone through in such toxic relationship and gives guidance to recover from it." Read more

"...Some women may still find this position empowering and inspirational, though, so if you're not sure about it, just give it a go and see for yourself..." Read more

21 customers mention ‘Writing style’14 positive7 negative

Customers are mixed about the writing style. Some find it authoritative, well written, and coherent. They also say the book is easy to understand and provides lots of links and recommendations. However, others find the book repetitive, muddled, and hard to read. They mention that the organization is a bit random in places and that there is'significant amount of mumbo jumbo'.

"...It is all consuming, easy to read and comprehend just what is going on in your relationship. I have been unable to put this book down...." Read more

"...this book not only explains that personality type in an easy way to understand, it gives you lots of ways to spot someone with narcissistic..." Read more

"Yep this is very helpful no doubt about it. I did find the organisation of it a bit random in places and it could have been condensed down to make..." Read more

"...than parent but having said that, the advice in here is so clear, straightforward and accurate that it can easily be applied to other narcissist..." Read more

Poor printing by Amazon!!
1 out of 5 stars
Poor printing by Amazon!!
((NOT A REVIEW ON THE CONTENT OF THE BOOK!!))The printing and the binding of this book is terrible Amazon. The front page won't lie flat and other areas within the book are not binded correctly, leaving the book with a 'wobbly look' and the cover images being misaligned.Printing is extremely poor. Type is slanted, leaving the formatting being all over the pages! Some pages with large margins on one side, others with the text so close to the end it's near to be cut off the page. I find this so irritating as it's hard to look past these errors and take in the content of the book when the words seem as if they're making an abrupt stop at the very edge of the page.Please see photos for examples of the varying page margins and text alignment.Yet to read, so this is no reflection on the content of the book itself.It is a shame the author has to see her work printed in such a manner.
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Top reviews from United Kingdom

Ade A
5.0 out of 5 stars Empowering Victims to Survivors and Thrivers!!!!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 December 2020
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Abuse comes in all forms, but we often don't speak up about narcissistic abuse which happens so often and covertly in intimate relationships. The pages of this book, allow for awareness and understanding on all levels of abuse, victims suffer at the hands of Narcissists. These emotionally undeveloped and disordered Indvidual's cause so much havoc and chaos in relationships and life in general due to their lack of empathy, complete emptiness and deep-rooted inner-shame which drives them to hurt and abuse others as they are completely entitled and broken within. Reading this book, you're able to put the pieces of the crazy puzzle together and escape the sunken place, fully awoke and forever empowered. Narcissists really do exist but differ greatly from their representation in movies and media. They are just insecure bullies who need desperate help, they are not as "special", intelligent or confident as they would like you to believe. They feed off your unawareness to their manipulative behaviour and cowardly tactics, all to extract supply (fuel that feeds their fragile ego). This book outlines in grave detail all you need to know on how to deal with these toxic/broken people and defeat them for good. You won't be the same after reading this book, the knowledge and awareness provided is life changing.
20 people found this helpful
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alice
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant Author \Highly recommend this book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 2 August 2023
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If you need help to try and make sense of a crazy making relationship then this book will help and guide you. It is all consuming, easy to read and comprehend just what is going on in your relationship. I have been unable to put this book down. I am understanding and finding my true self with thanks to this Author and Debbie Mirza. I am going to survive, I do want to live. Highly recommend this Author together with Author Debbie Mirza. Books have helped me through the most difficult of times. I have purchased this book in Audible and kindle version I am about to order it in paper back just in case my kindle should die as so many of my belongings seem to end up broken, just trying to sort out where to hide the paperback version! Thank you to both Authors for giving me the help to see a future and to want to carry on living.
3 people found this helpful
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J H
4.0 out of 5 stars Stay strong and read this.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 14 April 2017
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Yep this is very helpful no doubt about it. I did find the organisation of it a bit random in places and it could have been condensed down to make it a more punchy read (would have been helpful as I was reading it secretly at night for my BNPD partner didn't find it!) but I also learned a lot...I now know he is BNPD. Whilst I had come to terms with his behaviour pattern as abusive and unacceptable before reading this book, it really helped to drive that message home. I also discovered that I have been using the Grey Rock technique for years and that I had a pretty good understanding of what he was even if I didn't have a name for it. All in all though a really good read if you are experiencing abuse of any kind in any relationship.Stay strong and read this, it will give you perspective and the will to get out of the other side...but also see a good lawyer and build a network of supportive friends.
8 people found this helpful
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Masanlo
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 1 November 2023
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It provides a lot of insight into relationships with narcissistic people. It also explains a lot of things you would have gone through in such toxic relationship and gives guidance to recover from it.
One person found this helpful
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George
5.0 out of 5 stars This book has put me on the road to getting my life back
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 15 May 2020
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If there was the option of a 10 star rating, this book would have it. I have to say, hands down that this book has literally been my survival guide after I left my husband three months ago. I only stated reading it this week. I never even knew what was happening to me until we went to marriage guidance and the psychologist asked to see me alone and told me that I was a victim of severe domestic abuse. I read books on coercive control and domestic abuse during the last few months but my husband didn’t quite fit that profile. I stumbled across this by accident when I read a quote by Shahid about narcissistic abuse that summed up my relationship. I was gob smacked when I starting reading this book which is literally a blow by blow account of my entire relationship. I am so glad I found it as the “hoovering” has started and I can at least be prepared for the “smear campaign” I have gone “no contact” this week thanks to this book. If you are a SURVIVOR of a controlling, manipulative or psychologically abusive relationship or think you may be in one, I urge you to buy this book. I purchased the kindle copy but will buy a hard copy just to be able to make my own notes in the margin and will take it with me every day to read parts to keep me strong. Please please please make available in Spanish language. I live in Spain and they are way behind here on awareness and literature on this subject.
50 people found this helpful
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CarolinaBE
3.0 out of 5 stars Okay
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 2 November 2017
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Don't really know what to think about it. As someone who studies psychology & communication, I somehow feel it's overlooking certain important areas of dynamics with other person (ie. narcissist) and fails to include behaviours which are proven to be useful when dealing with toxic people (including narcissists).
In the past I've read and watched many more useful materials, so this book seems ordinary in comparison. Arabi's "Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care" was much, much better. Some women may still find this position empowering and inspirational, though, so if you're not sure about it, just give it a go and see for yourself if you like author's way of approaching the subject.
18 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Farouk
5.0 out of 5 stars Most important to find a therapist who can validate that your partner is a Covert Narcissist
Reviewed in Canada on 18 February 2023
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We have been married for 56 years. Over the years we have seen 4 different psychologists. These couples session have been initiated by my wife. I always felt that I was suffering from mild spousal abuse. One therapist told me "it FEELS like spousal abuse". When I corrected some of her small lies the therapist would state that it is "her perception of reality and she is filling the gaps in the story".

Our daughter in her teens was having issues with mother. About 20 years ago she told me that the school councillor told her to read a book "How to live with a narcissistic mother".

This stimulated me to read a few books and I was convinced that my wife a mild narcissist. My wife found that word very offensive and the psychologist used the term "extreme extrovert"

My wife has always been analyzing family members in our country psychologically after a visit there. She has no training in psychology but does watch Dr Phil regularly. In the past she used to watch Judge Judy.

I was extremely busy in my profession. I am hyperfocused and had a successful career. Our children have diagnosed me as ADHD partly in jest. I replied that I might have a touch of Aspergism! My wife has now become hung up on Aspergism. During a recent conflagration which probably was "narcissist rage" she got her friend search for psychologists specializing Aspergers syndrome and she wanted me to make an appointment. I did an on-line test and I am convinced that I do not have Aspergers.

I read a book by Debbie Mirza and for the first time heard about COVERT narscissm. The book does not have much depth. I then found this book "Arabi, Shahida. Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare"

Reading this book was a Eureka moment. I come from a neuroscience background reading the it was like reading a thesis. This book has been incredibly helpful in understanding my wife's condition. I am adopting some techniques to reduce conflicts after reading the book. I am looking for a therapist who has special expertise in covert narscissm and see him/her single therapy to guide me on how to minimize future conflict. Couples therapy is likely to be a waste and she hates the word narscisst. During couples session in the past she would talk excessively and this left me frustrated. Recently she has been harping on how I did not support her when she had issues my sister in our mother country 52 years ago. Couples therapy is a lost cause. I turned 80 a few months and I want to spend the next 10-15 years of my remaining life with the least amount of stress. Giving her the silent treatment is having some beneficial effects. This book has been God sent.
12 people found this helpful
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Samantha Brown
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent to help you get hid of the psychopath next door
Reviewed in Germany on 24 February 2024
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Is somebody devaluing your every move, but you didn’t manage to keep your distance? Read this book and your life will change - for the better!
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Kunal Nehra
5.0 out of 5 stars Give yourself a fighting chance!!
Reviewed in India on 18 July 2022
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If you are an abuse survivor, if you are some one who doesn't know what's happening with you in your one sided relationships...... Read this book, liberate yourself and see the wonders happen...
One person found this helpful
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Emiel
5.0 out of 5 stars "Feest" der herkenning
Reviewed in the Netherlands on 22 March 2022
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Het boek der herkenning voor mij. Als je halverwege bent, kun je het eigenlijk wel wegleggen. Daarna volgt vooral herhaling van het 1e deel. Daar is natuurlijk wel een goede reden voor.

Als je beschadigt bent door een narcist, is het heel goed en nodig er steeds aan herinnert te worden hoe doortrapt dat iedere keer weer gebeurd. Zodat je niet toch weer de fout in gaat bij de narcist, want jij voelt wel wat de narcist niet voelt. Zodat je niet toch weer aan jezelf gaat twijfelen. De herhaling dient vooral om dat te blijven beseffen en accepteren.

Dit boek krijgt her en der ook wat kritiek. De schrijfster is niet academisch geschoold (geen MSc/psycholoog of ander labeltje) maar ervaringsdeskundige.

Dat maakt haar voor mij juist wel de auteur om te lezen.

Dit boek is in mijn ogen een standaardwerk voor iedereen die met een narcist te maken heeft (gehad). Lees dit boek.
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KURT MENDONÇA, AUTOR DO "GUIA DE SOBREVIVÊNCIA PARA VÍTIMAS DE NARCISISTAS MALIGNOS"
5.0 out of 5 stars LIVRO ILUMINADOR!
Reviewed in Brazil on 23 September 2019
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Shahida Arabi exerceu um papel fundamental sobre mim na compreensão do puro mal narcísico. Quem ler o meu livro perceberá logo a influência da autora no que eu escrevo.
8 people found this helpful
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