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Caffeinated Clint�s DVD Drivel Dome New!
Date : January 5, 2008 Writer : Ramius
Clint's just emailed me his brand-new column.... under the "Caffeinated Clint" label.... and asked me to put it up. What, he gets to sit in a pub somewhere knocking back cold ones whilst I do all his dirty work? Well, Well, You, I, Hey, What about... Oh, don't worry. Ok. I'll do it. Enjoy the boss's new column!
Clint here. And I should be drinking Coffee � but it�s too frickin� hot. But for the sake of whatever salty comments I�m about to make, just pretend I am. Wouldn�t want you thinking that�s �me� talking and not �caffeine�. I have a diet Creaming Soda on the desk � does that count as fuel for abuse?
Anyway, enough tom fooley, you probably want to know why the heck Caffeinated Clint�s doing a second column. Right? No? Well, fuck you. I�m going to tell you anyway.
Braveheart - Special Edition
Region : 1
Who's in it? : Mel Gibson
What is it? : Instead of trying to pick up loose chicks from Malibu bars, the Jew-hating 'Mad' man blows his beer breath into the face of Catherine McCormack here - it too doesn't end well. After sharing a couple of Tequila Sunrise's together, William Wallace's Mrs is taken from the family Thunderdome and murdered by English soldiers. He goes after them with an army. They reclaim their "freedom". Its essentially "Dances with Kilts". Oh, besides showing us what's under his kilt (looked like a 'Bird on a Wire' to me) Gibbo gets to bang Sophie Marceau.
Good flick. Doesn�t exactly call for repeat viewings, but one worth having in your collection anyway.
Extras : Couple of featurettes but more so a commentary by Mel Gibson. He�s as boring as a Radha Mitchell-Morgan Freeman sex drama most of the time, but he does offer the odd insight.
Buy me Dog! : Here
The Ten
Region : 1
Who�s in it? :Paul Rudd, Jessica Alba, Adam Brody, Winona Ryder � and about twenty other names who no doubt knew the director and did a favour for him.
What is it? : A silly little comedy that does for absurd story anthologies what �Being Human� did for absurd story anthologies starting Robin Williams. I can�t quite tell whether it�s supposed to be funny, clever or merely something to entertain the kids on �Ice�, either way I didn�t really get into this wacky thing. It�s essentially a bunch of ridiculous stories � boy gets stuck in ground and turns celebrity, being one � playing out, one after the other. Anyone that casts both Jessica Alba and Winona Ryder in a movie together and doesn�t write-in a scene set at a Bikini car-wash deserves several lashings.
Extras : Lots of stuff. If you loved shaving your ass for that cross-country bike ride, you�ll love this! (some knob�s going to use that quote on the African DVD release of the film, you watch!)
Buy me Dog! : Here
Underdog
Region : 1
Who�s in it? : James Belushi, Peter Dinklage, and the voices of Jason Lee and Amy Adams.
What is it? : My friend Amy Adams (�Enchanted�) is in this flick, so I don�t wanna be too rough on it�� oh fuck it! This sucks harder than Paris Hilton at a skateboard park! Why anyone thought bringing the forgettable 60s cartoon �Underdog� to the big screen is a good idea, I don�t know! The show wasn�t that good in the first place (where�s �Speedy Buggy : The Movie�?) but more so kids won�t remember it � heck, most kids I talk to don�t even remember Basil Brush or The Wombles, so there�s no chance in hell they�re going to remember a scratchy technicolor cartoon about a magical dog named Shoeshine. Jason Lee, seemingly going steady with kiddie movies at the moment (he�s also in �Alvin and the Chipmunks�), provides the voice of Underdog. Kevin Smith must be busting a gut. I�d much prefer my daughter watch �Mortal Kombat : Annihilation� over this bowl of shit soup.
Extras : Lots of stuff. If you loved shaving your ass for that cross-country bike ride, you�ll love this! (some knob�s going to use that quote on the African DVD release of the film, you watch!)
Buy me Dog! : Here
E-Street : The Best of Mr Bad Vol 2 : Mr Bad�s Revenge
Region : 4
Who�s in it? : Marcus Graham, Melissa Tkautz, Toni Pearen, Adrian Lee and the fat fella that looks like Santa Claus who runs the bar.
What is it? : A show I used to watch religiously. Yeah, I don�t know why either. Seems strange that I used to speed home after doing my radio shift (back in the 90s, I was a D.J � or �Disc Jerkey�) to catch that night�s day-in-the-life-of-Westside. Maybe I had a crush on the Teen Queens; maybe it was Toni Pearen (actually, I think it was Toni Pearen there for a while � I wanted her to walk into my �room and try on all my clothes�) or maybe I got hooked on the show because it was everything �A Country Practice� and �Neighbours� wasn�t � twisted, hilarious, cheesy, and a tour-de-force for Bruce Samazan. The whole �Mr Bad� storyline was one of the highlights of the show�. This psychopath with his face-painted was terrorising the beauties of Westside, and ultimately, he got his comeuppance. This be Sir Bad�s last stand.
Extras : There�s an audio commentary on one episode. One of Ernie�s old condoms is in there, too�. Oh shit, unless it wasn�t one of Ernie�s? unless it fell into the case from� oh, yeah, I see what�s happened. Er. Yuck.
Buy me Dog! : Here
The Kingdom
Region : 1
Who�s in it? : Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Jeremy Piven
What is it? : Adam�s already gushed all over this � anyone got a tissue? � in his review, so I probably don�t need to go into any long-winded rant about how good this movie is, just to say he was right, it�s good stuff. Good storyline (nice history lesson for those that don�t read Google News, too!); Good cast (Jennifer Garner can have the keys to my Kingdom any day!), and some proficient direction from Dr. Billy Kronk, er Peter Berg, whose really proving himself as quite the formidable director. Pity that �Splinter Cell� movie fell apart for him � I think he could�ve rocked an action movie big time. What about doing the next �Spider-Man�, Berg?
Extras : A few bits and pieces but the guts of the disc lies within the film.
Buy me Dog! : Here
Gone
Region : 4
Who�s in it? : Scott Mechlowicz Amelia Warner Shaun Evans Victoria Thaine Yvonne Strzechowski Tony Barry
What is it? : When I interviewed one of this film�s young stars for its DVD release I hadn�t yet seen the film � but after talking to Shaun Evans (who was as nice as pie!), I wanted to watch it immediately. The guy seemed genuinely pleased with the film � emphasizing the great performances of his co-stars and the nail-biting story, and whilst most would say that about a film they�re legally bound to promote, this dude was straight-up telling the truth � it is a good film, sometimes very good. It�s similar to �Wolf Creek� in a lot of ways, but it�s probably more akin to �Dead Calm� � except instead of being set on water, its set on dry land� very dry land. You�ve seen it all before, but this is a fun little time-passer. Unfortunately though the hot lead actress keeps her gear on.
Extras : You actually get a �free� movie with it � and no, it�s not some shitty never-heard-of-it title starring Oliver Grunner or Kari Wuhrer � and it�s not a bad one, �Fear� starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon. Wonder if they�ll start doing this more � giving away an extra movie with a new release?
Buy me Dog! : Here
Seventh Heaven : Season 2
Region : 4
Who�s in it? : Jessica Biel, Barry Watson, Stephen Collins, Catherine Hicks
What is it? : The DVD equivalent to get an AIDS-infected needle shoved in your rectum�. Only with Barry Watson standing by and clapping as it emerges from your prickly never regions (�yay!� screams Barry, �yay!�). Look, I�m sure there�s people out there who honestly love the show� but for anyone that hasn�t been to church for ten years (I went once, I think, and ran home screaming after they asked me to join in on a song about Jesus and some hooker he got with � true story), nor seen those magazine pictures of Jessica Biel near-nude, there�s really no reason to put yourself through it. I hear if you run the DVD backwards it contains satanic messages� or makes Jessica Biel sound like Rick Astley.
Extras : Unfortunately, ear-plugs were left out of my set.
Buy me Dog! : Here
National Treasure : 2-Disc Collectors Edition
Region : 1
Who�s in it? : Nicolas Cage, Justin Bartha, Diane Kruger, Jon Voight, Sean Bean
What is it? : An entertaining but terribly cheesy Nicolas Cage/Jerry Bruckheimer piece that essentially ripped off all three �Indiana Jones� movies - replacing Sean Connery with Jon Voight, Alison Doody with Diane Kruger, and Nicolas Cage as, well, the monkey brains. The sequel sucked balls, but this one�s actually quite clever, and rather fun, in parts. If you do get bored at any time during the movie a fun game to play is �count how many times you see Nicolas Cage�s hair-plugs throughout the entire movie�.
Extras : Heaps and heaps and heaps of stuff � featurettes, deleted scenes and so on � to keep any young Nicky Coppola fan happy.
Buy me Dog! : Here
Lost : Season 3
Region : 1
Who�s in it? : Matthew Fox, Terry O�Quinn, Emilie de Ravin, Jorge Garcia and that hot chick from �Gia� and �Frequency� who Jack really should�ve played pin the tail on the donkey with.
What is it? : One of my reviewers has this set at the moment and he�s taking his time giving it back (nothing unusual � �I�m using the set to hold up a book shelf at the moment Clint, you don�t mind do you pal?�); that could mean either two things � it�s so good he�s watching not only all the extras but he�s working his way through the entire season again, or, it�s so trite he�s watching an episode only when there�s a repeat of �Late Night with Conan O�Brien� on.
I think it�d be the former. �Lost : Season 3� wasn�t half bad; to be honest it started off slow, but towards the second half of the season, the once-great show started to show signs that it was on its way back to becoming the quality show it originated as. Personally, I�m still missing Maggie Grace � and her legs � but everyone in this show is darn great � especially Terry O�Quinn, whose �John Locke� would have to be the man�s finest hour. Considering O�Quinn�s made more movies than Michael Jackson�s had kids in his bed, that�s saying something. Here�s to Season 4!
Extras :Featurettes, commentaries, behind-the-scenes footage.
Buy me Dog! : Here
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