SURREAL

WHY'D WE HAVE TO GO AND MAKE THINGS SO COMPLICATED? We've got a new marketing campaign and it might just be the most complicated thing anyone's ever done. Imagine the Da Vinci Code meets a Rubik Cube with a bit of time travel and 5D chess thrown in for good measure. Oh, and just to make it even more complicated, there's some free oat milk from Minor Figures too. Good luck trying to wrap your heads around it.

DO NOT READ THIS POST WHILE OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY It is very boring and will probably put you to sleep. In fact, you probably shouldn't read anything while operating heavy machinery. Except maybe a heavy machinery operation manual. Not that we'd tell a Heavy Machine Operator how to do their job or anything. Just seems like good Health & Safety advice. Which is in itself very boring. Like this post.

We do protein, Gymshark do gym

Had some feedback that the logo wasn't big enough on our latest designs. Is this big enough now?

If you DON'T work in marketing PLEASE DON'T READ THIS POST THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS THIS IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO WORK IN MARKETING HR Rep? Keep scrolling. Sales Exec? Keep scrolling. Fishmonger? DON’T YOU DARE READ ANY FURTHER. GO SELL SOME TROUT. THE PEOPLE NEED TROUT. This post is ONLY for people who work in marketing. You see, whenever we post an advert on here, we always get comments saying “this is just marketing for people who work in marketing”. So, we've decided to do some marketing that is DEFINITELY just for people who work in marketing. If you work in marketing, please look at these adverts and then buy our cereal. If you don’t work in marketing WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? WE TOLD YOU NOT TO. IS NOTHING SACRED ANY MORE?

"Hope this email finds you well" OBVIOUSLY IT DOESN'T FIND ME WELL TODAY, STEVE YOU MORON

WE WANT TO COME CLEAN It's confession time. We haven't been entirely truthful with you. And now we'd like to set the record straight. Ish. Here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And also some more lies.

CUNNING MARKETING STRATEGY Our cereal is in Sainsbury’s so we’ve stuck a big sign outside Sainsbury’s to tell people that our cereal is in Sainsbury’s. Before you ask, yes, we did work really hard on this one.

BUZZFEED BUT FOR BUZZINESS Back in 2007, the internet was obsessed with lists: - 53 things you’ll remember if you were alive in 1796 - 29 shower thoughts we’ve all had in the shower - 31 times we started a list with a prime number for no reason - XVI reasons why Roman numerals are great - 5 lists we just made up to pad out this post Anyway, for some reason we’ve been popped on a Sunday Times hot start ups list. This was probably a clerical error, but it's nonetheless gone straight to our boss’ heads, so they’ve asked us to pass on some of their words of, uh, "wisdom".

Took us a while to find the right name for our new cereal flavour, but we got there in the end.