can i bring a plus one to a wedding

Help! I Don’t Want to Go to a Wedding Alone

Expert tips for navigating the tricky art of plus-ones

Ask The Kit Weddings is our new bi-monthly wedding etiquette column. Wedding expert Alison McGill tackles the pressing—sometimes uncomfortable—questions that everyone from almost-marrieds to attending guests have on their minds. Send your Qs to [email protected].

“I just received an invite to a wedding next year and it’s just for me, there is no plus-one! I feel strange attending a wedding alone, and I have a new partner the couple are aware of, so I am not sure why this invitation is for one. Is it a big deal if I RSVP back for two people and include my partner’s name? —Robert A.

In a word, yes! It’s a huge deal. There is no way to slide in a bonus RSVP for the wedding invitation that came addressed to you, and only you, and have it fly under the radar.

For comprehensive expert counsel on the perennially hot topic of plus-ones, I checked in with event planner Melissa André, principal at Melissa André Events with offices in Toronto, New York, L.A. and Miami. Not only is Melissa a wildly creative event planner (celebs like Cassie have her on speed dial), but she’s also not shy about sharing anything you want to know about wedding planning. (Her weekend “Ask Me Anything” Instagram Stories are one of my favourite things on social—follow her, you’ll learn a lot!)

I asked Melissa anything and everything about wedding plus-ones. 

If the invite isn’t for two people, can you RSVP back that you will bring a guest?

Absolutely not. The guest list for a wedding is often determined by much more than whether someone wants to bring a date. There may be a space restriction at the venue, or a budget the client is working with that doesn’t allow an additional number of plus-one guests (which require more tables, chairs, centrepieces, plates, food, beverage, escort cards, menu cards, linens, etc.). It’s not as simple as just adding another place setting. If you cannot live without a date, you could very casually let a family member, or someone close to the couple know and let them subtly pass the message along that you’d love to bring a date if space allows, and perhaps they could let you know closer to the event date. This gives the couple time to receive their RSVPs, and if there happens to be a bit of room once people respond with regrets, you’ve made your interest in bringing a plus-one known to them.”

Most people feel weird going alone to a wedding. Is it cool to ask for more details about the seating plan so you know who you’ll be sitting with?

“Of course you can, but always keep in mind planning a wedding and managing a guest list of hundreds of people is also a lot of work for the couple having the party. People describe planning weddings as the most stressful thing they’ve ever done in their lives. Forbes has even ranked the job of event planner as the fifth most stressful job in the world! Anything you can do to avoid adding stress to the couple’s plate on the day is truly the greatest gift. If you really feel you need to bring it up, hop on a call and be gentle with your approach. Share that as you will be alone at the wedding you would love to sit beside someone you know or has things in common with you.”

If you’re planning a wedding, what should you consider before mailing out a solo invite?

“Start by making a list of who must receive a plus-one. That will include your wedding party, anyone who’s married or engaged and couples who have been dating a year or more and live together. Once you’ve included all the essentials, it’s time to see how much room you have left and who you can accommodate. If you have groups of friends or co-workers who know other guests at the wedding, you can get away with not extending a plus one to them.”

What are some creative ways at a wedding to make single guests feel more comfortable?

“Try to introduce single guests to one another before the wedding at a social event if possible, or even on a Zoom party. Be strategic with your seating chart. Don’t squeeze a single person in with a family or table of couples. Try to group people based on shared interest if you can. You can even make introductions ahead of time in a group text or on social media.”

 

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