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9 Women on How We’re Connecting Now

Special moments with your quarantine partner or Zoom party of 9?

We’re all grappling with the emotional impact of social isolation right now: We’re restless, bored, lonely—or crowded, and missing our friends and family (never mind that other thing: overwhelming dread). While technology and social media are often blamed for the erosion of authentic personal relationships, they have ironically become a lifeline of meaningful connection while the coronavirus keeps us apart. Here, nine people share stories of how they’re still hanging out with their friends or reconnecting with the people they’re face to face with 24/7.

 

“We decided to throw a surprise Zoom party for her birthday.”

“My best friend was planning a big 27th birthday party for herself that all of my friends and I were looking forward to. But as the date got closer, we all grew uneasy about attending a big gathering. One by one, we dropped off, quietly letting her know we didn’t think it would be safe to attend. She was understanding but also really sad about the turn of events (in addition to the state of the world) so we decided to throw a surprise Zoom party for her birthday, the night of the party. We sang “Happy Birthday,” watched her eat her glorious ice-cream cake solo, did face masks, toasted with Champagne and chatted for hours. It wasn’t the birthday party she was hoping for, but our little celebration made us all feel a bit more hopeful and connected.” —Lara

 

“It feels like a gift to spend more time with the people I love the most.”

“Years before I was married with a child, I saw the movie Before Sunset, which is about a pair of former lovers (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) reuniting in Paris. There’s a line in  it—when Ethan Hawke is speaking about his deadened marriage—that hit me with the force of a honey-tipped bullet: ‘I feel like I’m running a small daycare with someone I used to date.’ DEVASTATION. There, in the darkened theatre, I vowed never to succumb to such hopelessness. My romances would be electric, alive, the equivalent of a Nina Simone song. For a while, they actually were. My husband, James, and I used to be the kind of people who would make dinner reservations for 10 p.m. on a weekday; we once crashed a conference cocktail party at a luxury hotel pretending to be ‘from the London office’—complete with British accents—and made friends with Steve from accounting.

But, then, you know, life. Pre-quarantine, most of our conversations could be mistaken for passive-aggressive co-workers nearing the end of their rope. (‘Oh, I thought you were going to make coffee.’ ‘I made tea.’ ‘Yes. Yes, I see that.’) I find so much of this self-isolating so hard, but it feels like a gift to spend more time with the people I love the most. I watch James with our 5-year-old son at the dining table, both colouring the same toucan with great concentration, and feel near tears with gratitude. Every evening, the three of us go on a family walk, and last night, as our son ran up and then down the same hill a hundred times, James pulled me close and whispered, ‘There’s no one I’d rather be quarantined with than you.’ It’s a very lovely silver lining to fall back in love with your own husband.” —Laura

 

“We’ve been sending daily video messages to one another.”

“After a week of COVID-19 WFH life, my partner downloaded an app called Marco Polo, as suggested by a friend who lives in Berlin. The friend said it was similar to Snapchat, and they quickly began sending video messages. Curious, I downloaded it, too, and to my delight, discovered that one of my my best friends from university,  Robyn, who moved to New York, is on it, so I sent her a message. We’ve always been close, but our communication over the last eight years has consisted mostly of texts and a few in-person visits. Robyn sent a Marco Polo video message back to me, mentioning that she rarely uses the app—it was a fluke that she even opened it that day. And so began our new and preferred way of keeping in touch. Since then, we’ve been sending daily video messages to one another, ranging from 35-minute-long house tours to two-minute check-ins while one of us prepares lunch or lounges on the couch with the dog. A couple weeks into the conference- and video-call-filled world, Marco Polo has provided a welcome change in format. We can send each other messages in our own time—without having to set up yet another Zoom or FaceTime date—but we still get the thrill of seeing each other on video. And we don’t feel like we need to cram everything into one call; it’s an ongoing conversation that we can keep coming back to. After eight years of long-distance friendship, it’s just what we needed.”  —Dominique

 

“We all downloaded a Monopoly-style app and ended up playing each other for over two hours.”

“One of the things keeping me going is video chats and lots of text messages with friends. The most fun night I’ve had so far was a virtual board game night with three other pals. We all downloaded a Monopoly-style app and ended up playing each other for over two hours while video chatting via Zoom at the same time. We had so many laughs and it was such a great distraction. I also realized how competitive my friends are! We’d planned to get together in person soon, so to be able to still have some type of fun together that we could bond over was a blessing. Can’t wait for round two!”  —Lora

 

“I’ve had to reject a lunchtime FaceTime from my toddler’s daycare pal because I’m WhatsApping with friends from London who are deep into happy hour.”

 

“Am I the only one finding my newly packed calendar of digital socializing rather taxing? I’ve found myself having to reject an incoming lunchtime FaceTime from my toddler’s daycare pal because I’m WhatsApping with friends from London who are deep into happy hour. I’ve considered starting a spreadsheet to coordinate all the video hangouts so I don’t leave anyone hanging.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy it! I’m a social animal: It really recharged my batteries to attend a Zoom party of nine on Saturday night (plus one dog gazing fondly into his own monitor throughout). And I love being able to see my mum’s face when I check in on her daily during her 14-day post-travel quarantine. It’s just a question of volume—everyone, everywhere, is at home, with their devices at their fingertips, some level of anxiety and a sweet, pure instinct to reach out. Plus, boredom. It’s a very nice problem to have.” —Rani

 

“My friend sent out an invitation on Instagram to join her the next evening for a live painting session.”

“The message is clear: Keep your social distance always. Stay home as much as possible. I’m trying to do my part but I started to feel isolated and anxious. I normally turn to Facebook and Instagram as a distraction but now it’s a constant stream of information about the pandemic. But one day, my friend Kareen sent out an invitation on Instagram to join her the next evening for a live painting session. Just what the doctor ordered: a distraction.

Now, we gather online most nights at 8 to work on filling our art books with paint mixing, textures and brush strokes. ‘Just experiment,’ she says. The goal is to create for five to 10 minutes a day, but that becomes the challenge when you get hooked on painting. I look forward to these daily lessons to ease my mind after the worries of the day. I can’t thank her enough for sharing her gift with us in an intimate but socially distant manner.” —Sandra

 

“I hosted an all-hands Microsoft Teams cooking class.”

“In times of uncertainty, it’s important to maintain some sense of normalcy. My team at Faulhaber PR and I have tried a few things that worked: We held a virtual bar cart Friday, which allowed the team to unwind and update each other on how our weeks had gone outside of work hours. I hosted an all-hands Microsoft Teams cooking class and made my vegan bean bourguignon. On the romantic connection front, our senior account manager organized a fancy date with her boyfriend, her quarantine partner. They both dressed up—her in a dress, her boyfriend in a suit—and enjoyed a candlelit dinner with no digital interruptions.”  —Christine 

 

“My sister and I challenged our significant others to do our makeup.”

“We needed some comedic relief last week amid all the anxiety and unknown. So my sister and I challenged our significant others to do our makeup. Her boyfriend did hers, my husband did mine, and we We FaceTimed during the process. They did it at the same time with the same rules. Essentially: We weren’t allowed to tell them how to use any of the products, and they couldn’t google anything. The end result was hilarious (and horrifying). We posted some of the process on our Instagram stories and our friends were highly entertained by it. We then challenged other couples to do the same thing, and it took off for a few days, with about five or six other couples posting their process and end result. That was our little bit of fun amid the craziness we’re in!” —Ivana

 

“I was surprised at how intimate chilling through screens can be.”

“These times are unprecedented and deeply unsettling. I’m of Italian blood, and I miss hugs, a LOT. Yet there is so much beauty springing up all around like the first shoots of spring battling frost. A lot of my peers have set up their older folks with ordering groceries and other essentials online, and taught them how to take video meetings for both work and leisure.

While all of our routines are shaken up, it’s a vital time to reframe our priorities, and this is where I have the most hope. I’m noticing that my partner and I are caring more about reading to each other, making art and singing together, and moving our bodies. We’ve been making more nourishing meals, and treating mealtime as sacred. More of my good friends have reached out, and it feels noticeable that we’re all uninterested in small talk, and more quick to share where our true priorities lie. We’re asking each other how we can help, and when we ask ‘How are you?’ we mean the no-bullshit, emotional, human, real stuff. 

We had our first video hang with two of our best friends the other evening, and I was surprised at how intimate chilling through screens can be. It feels bizarre to say, but as someone who has worked from home with my cat for five years, I feel more connected to the people I love now than during a regular Canadian winter. I feel like my mission as a designer, to make more beauty in the world, is more needed now than ever. Let’s share a virtual toast to focusing more on lifting each other up and pursuing what really matters.” —Chris

 

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