The first time I realized I had larger than average boobs, I was in 7th grade; the boys in my homeroom class were sitting across from me, our desks in a horseshoe formation that our private school teachers insisted “fostered communication.” I could hear them whispering the only way preteen boys know how — badly — about the different size “mountains” of the girls in class; when they got to me, I heard the most popular boy in class say, “Caroline has big mountains,” and the rest of the wide-eyed boys, like wolves surrounding a pile of meat, heartily agreed. Despite this incredibly discreet approach, I figured they were probably talking about my breast size, rolled my eyes, and chided them, saying something that for sure sounded cooler in my head.
I’d be lying if I said a small part of me didn’t enjoy the attention though; as a chubby Italian girl, I was far removed from the standard object of desire in my preppy New England school. At 12 years old, I was already a 36DD but I don’t think I truly understood the power I wielded until that moment. I’m now a 32G (that’s DDDD for those of you who don’t speak cup-size) and I’m still incredibly proud of my rack. But in the nearly two decades since that fateful day, my feelings about my boobs — and by extension my body — have changed dramatically; they’ve become more nuanced, more fraught, more accepting, sometimes all at once. And these feelings have all been shaped in one way or another by what it means to move through the world as a woman with larger breasts — or big naturals, as they are often referred to online.
My boobs impact every part of my life. My experiences with men and women, shopping for clothes, work and social media, christ, even getting a good night’s sleep — no part of my life is entirely sequestered from being a woman with big boobs.
Big naturals are having something of a cultural moment, as the desirability pendulum swings between “big ass” and “big tits”, it sometimes feels hard to keep up with whether boobs are in or not. If the looks I get on the street, on Instagram, and in the office mean anything though, big boobs have never truly gone out of fashion. And while they play a role in the dynamic I have with my peers, as well as how I’ve been perceived at work, they feature most prominently in the romantic (and sometimes even platonic) relationships I’ve had with men. It runs deeper than the carnal attraction that my partners have expressed towards this part of my body and extends to their understanding of what it feels like to be a woman with larger-than-average boobs. Everything from the intrigue of how to properly stimulate larger breasts to the self consciousness and insecurity and even self loathing that can come with having them are things the cis male brain likely cannot fathom without it being explained to them.
So allow me to do just that.
To help guys look past big naturals and actually understand what it’s like to exist as a woman in this world with large breasts, I turned to other women I know with an above-average cup size.
Magdalene Taylor is a writer and fellow big boob haver, and when I knew I was going to be writing about big boobs, she was the first person I thought of; she wrote the seminal piece on the cultural significance of big naturals.
Like me, Taylor’s experience with big naturals is colored by the fact that she’s written about them, and so the interactions she’s had with men are contextualized by that. “I often get comments referencing the piece and in turn my own big naturals. People are usually humorous about it, even if in a semi-horny way. I’ve positioned myself as someone who is obviously fine with talking about boobs, so this is fine with me. But I can definitely imagine these comments would be unwelcome to someone who isn’t in this role,” she says.
The humor part is essential, she says. “I absolutely hate when men assume they can talk about my breasts in a straightforwardly erotic way (“I wanna cum all over your tits” or something brazen) just because I am a woman who is open about being boob-y.”
crazy how my boobs are just big and I didn’t even ask for it
— Magdalene J. Taylor (@magdajtaylor) August 4, 2021
And I agree; obviously, the way women like their breasts talked about will vary, (for example the term “Mommy Milkers” seems to be all over my FYP despite the fact that if a man ever referred to my boobs this way I would ghost him so hard he’d wonder if I died) but I find that when you have larger boobs, men immediately default to a hyper-sexualized tone. And there’s a time and place for that, to be sure; once a partner and I have developed intimacy and closeness, I don’t mind hearing that they want to cum all over my tits. But when we’re just starting to date, or seeing each other casually, going too hard too soon can be a major turnoff.
That hyper-sexualization extends beyond intimacy and romantic relationships though. There’s a unique cultural phenomenon to having big boobs, and no matter what you wear, no matter what you do, you take on a certain sexualized persona whether you like it or not. Clothing that looks business professional on a slimmer, flatter chested woman makes me look like Joan from Mad Men (at my college internship this was literally my nickname, and I wore simple tailored dresses almost every day).
“When you have bigger boobs, literally anything can look revealing or like you’re trying to show them off,” says Taylor. “Sometimes I am actually trying to flaunt it, other times I’m just existing with big boobs.”
There’s a different set of (entirely fake) rules when you have big boobs too; you can’t wear low-cut things in professional environments, and your body is a de facto distraction to the men around you and an implied disrespect to their wives and girlfriends.
Both men and women look at you differently when you enter a room with big boobs; it’s not uncommon for your first conversation with a person to involve them glancing down at your chest and back up at your face. I guess they think it’s covert, but it never is. Whether I’m on a romantic date, in a meeting with coworkers, or in the checkout line at Whole Foods, chances are someone will look at my chest at least once. Sometimes it’s a man who gazes at it like a dog eyeing a plate of raw meat; sometimes it’s a woman who then meets my eyes with judgment and prudishness. Men who are attracted to you engage in the obvious behavior, but women in particular act like your body is public property, too; They think that because they’re not openly sexualizing you or sexually attracted to you, they can comment on your chest without hesitation. I cannot tell you the number of times women have commented on my body in a way that has made me feel as uncomfortable or more uncomfortable than a horndog guy. (This piece from Carmen Azzopardi breaks down this phenomenon perfectly.)
When you have big boobs, you live at the intersection of people constantly envying and fawning over your breasts and a culture that makes living with big boobs as fraught and, frankly, as weird as possible; I often like content about larger bras and big boobs on TikTok because it’s relatable and fun, but it wasn’t long before this meant I was also seeing loads of content around breast reduction surgeries. Having large breasts also means parsing through an entirely big-naturals-specific set of insecurities and beauty standards; men DM me asking how big my nipples are; meanwhile, I wasn’t even aware areola size was something anyone paid attention to. I get self-conscious about the shape of my breasts, the placement of my nipples. Do they look droopy? Are they losing plumpness? I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve been told to wear a bra at all times lest my boobs “sag.”
Summer in particular presents a unique set of challenges for the large-breasted; sundresses seem to be built almost exclusively for women with boobs the size of Dole fruit cups. Those armor-like bras turn the entire top half of our bodies into ovens, but going braless or wearing a skimpy bralette means accepting the swimming pool of sweat that collects between them and our ribcage. And while we’re navigating all this, we’re still bobbing and weaving through a real-life video game where men are constantly hurling sexualized comments at us that only get worse as temperatures rise.
“I’ve been ruminating upon how insane the attention boobs get in the city in the warmer months,” says Taylor. “Not wearing a bra seems to entirely strike some men as an opportunity to be as brazen as possible. If I dare to let them be unencumbered by a bra, I am almost certainly going to get several comments, kissy noises, whatever. It doesn’t particularly bother me more than it does surprise me — like these men are totally unconcerned about behaving publicly horny. I don’t know for sure, but I speculate that the bigger a woman’s breasts are, the more she experiences this, particularly when braless.”
But that discomfort, physical and emotional, is hardly confined to the warmer weather. Taylor and I commiserated on how sore our breasts get when we have our period; lower back pain; and the ever-changing sensitivity and arousal of them. Sometimes, stimulation feels amazing, other times not so much. Bras for larger breasts are expensive, and the ones that fit and are supportive can feel (and look) like armor.
All that being said, I wouldn’t trade my big naturals for the world.
For all the pesky and annoying attention they get, there’s ten times more satisfaction from seeing myself in the mirror and knowing I have a rack that men would go to war for. The delight my partners take in them makes me feel special and desirable, and I’ve grown to love dressing them and purchasing lingerie that fits and accentuates them for the treasures they are. So while the frustrations big boobed women feel about their chest certainly vary, that might be the one universal that men should understand: whether you call them massive boobs, big naturals, huge tits, or *shudder* mommy milkers, if you’re lucky enough to come in contact with them, treat them with love, affection, respect, and praise. Because like the woman they’re attached to — and like boobs, and bodies — of all sizes: they’re magnificent and special.
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