After each episode of House of the Dragon, Slate writers will gather to answer a crucial question: Who is the worst person in Westeros? This week: senior editor Rebecca Onion and pop critic Jack Hamilton answer the call.
Rebecca Onion: Jack! We are back. Our television is again serving up scenes of toddler-murder aftermath, an identical-twin murder-suicide, and a row of mostly innocent men—who were just trying to keep the Keep pest-free—summarily hanged outside the castle walls. I don’t know why I find all this so relaxing, but I do!
In this week’s episode, as the Greens absorb the grisly nighttime murder of the small prince Jaehaerys, everyone is mourning in their own way. Aegon II is my first candidate for this week’s worst person in Westeros. The young king and father of the dead kid is deeply, shoutingly upset to have lost his heir. But I’m really not sure whether he is sorry in the way a less narcissistic parent might be sorry, or whether he is taking this murder as a blow to his pride—and a reason the Greens should break the fragile standoff with the Blacks and move on Dragonstone, where his half-sister Rhaenyra is holding court. “I! Declare! War!” he bellows, listening to absolutely nobody, especially not his much-wiser grandfather and Hand of the King, Otto Hightower. When he ignores Helaena—his sister-wife and mother of his child—as the two newly bereft parents happen to pass each other on the stairs, I found myself shockingly angry at Aegon. Do you think he deserves the WPiW crown for this week?
Jack Hamilton: Hey Rebecca! Great to be back chopping it up in the Seven Kingdoms with you. I have to say, through the first two episodes I’m very impressed with this season—after a slow and choppy start it felt like the show really found its pace and footing in the back half of last season, and so far it’s really stayed in that groove and built on it. And I actually think King Aegon (second of his name, blah, blah, blah) is a great example of this: He’s a character that, in the hands of lazier writers, very easily just could have slid into Joffrey Redux, but instead he’s emerged as something different than that, both more sympathetic but also just more pathetic. I think he’s genuinely mourning the loss of his son, but I also think you’re right that he’s making it about himself. And yet, in a way, he’s kind of right, at least in that his narcissistic response betrays an awareness that he is a weak ruler, that people don’t take him seriously, and that he’s both upset and rightly frightened by this. Not to belabor the comparison to a later Westerosi era, but if Joffrey was just a straight-up monster, I think part of Aegon wishes he could be that. But he can’t, because he’s not. If anything, he seems to desperately want people to like him, even (especially?) the smallfolk. (It seems notable that Hugh, the smith who we met last episode during the court petitioning scene, shows up again in this episode—I’m interested to see where that thread goes.)
So while I do think Aegon generally sucks, I’m a little inclined to give him a pass this episode, given all he’s been through, and the fact that he’s one of those characters who’ll probably have a case for this award most weeks for the foreseeable future. Instead I’d actually like to nominate Aegon’s newest Hand, Ser Criston Cole, who was busy screwing his boss’s mom while said boss’s kid was getting decapitated. (Rough night at the office!) And then we see Criston, in a combination of resentful guilt and general assholery, orchestrating the aforementioned twin-on-twin violence that’s the real set piece of this episode and that directly results in the deaths of both Arryk and Erryk Cargyll. (I’d love to meet the Cargyll parents—talk about naming your kids for the bit.) What are your thoughts on Criston for WPiW, and just as importantly, what did you think of all that gory twinsanity? When I saw where that plot was going, I was kind of doubtful of the show’s ability to pull it off without being totally ridiculous, but I think they mostly made it work!
Onion: I’ve been watching screeners for Season 4 of The Boys alongside screeners for House of the Dragon Season 2 (I know … brag), and there’s a fight scene in The Boys that features a superhero who can create copies of himself. It’s a bit of a curse that I watched the Arryk/Erryk fight scene after this Boys battle, because I was still feeling the Boys vibes and couldn’t help but process this very sad situation as just a little bit farcical. Especially when the Kingsguard who comes in to help Rhaenyra, having been alerted to the situation by the maidservant, can’t tell the twins apart, and goes, “Which one is which?” I thought there was going to be a last-minute reversal after the Green twin (Arryk) dies, where the victorious Black twin (Erryk) was going to reveal himself to have been Arryk all along, and fall upon Rhaenyra anew! But, much like my inkling that the sewn-on head of the murdered Jaehaerys was going to pop off in the street as the royals paraded his tiny corpse in a cart that was dangerously jiggly, this fear came to naught. Instead, we “just” got Erryk literally falling on his own sword, out of grief at having killed his brother.
All of which brings me back to Ser Criston Cole, who set this train of events in action. One hundred percent, Ser Criston is a huge, self-deceiving jerk in this episode. He can’t seem to stop having sex with Alicent, or maybe just doesn’t want to, and since he was in bed with her when the heir was killed, his guilt makes him aggressive and unthinking. He lashes out at Arryk because Arryk’s white cloak is literally sullied with mud, when it’s Ser Criston who’s done the most to figuratively soil the Kingsguard’s honor. He’s now fallen in bed with not one, but two, lady royals! I think I was initially deceived by actor Fabien Frankel’s melting brown eyes into believing that Ser Criston was going to be a good guy. But this is a dark turn, indeed. Aegon as king with Ser Criston as Hand is going to be a mess.
Before we settle on Cole for the crown, though, I want to bring up a couple more candidates. Maybe Daemon, who refuses to take any responsibility for the death of the child, because he told the assassins to go for Aemond, and it’s not his fault that mistakes were made? Otto Hightower, for coming up with the idea to parade the grieving mother Helaena in the street, in order to sway public opinion? Or even Alicent, who convinces her daughter to go along with Otto’s plan?
Hamilton: I’m so glad you brought up Otto Hightower, because it gives me an excuse to quickly mention what might be the funniest moment I can remember on this show, which is when Otto is upbraiding Aegon and Criston for the twin-switcheroo plan and derisively refers to it as a “prank.” A prank! I don’t know if it was just Rhys Ifans’ absolutely perfect delivery, but something about that line made me laugh so hard. (Hearty shout-out to Ifans, who continues to deliver an incredible performance in what’s frankly a pretty thinly written role.) I totally agree that Ser Otto’s immediate impulse to shamelessly politicize li’l Jaehaerys’ death, and to drag both Jaehaerys’ grieving mom and grandmother into this maneuver, is grotesque even for him, even though it does appear to achieve its intended effect.
I also agree that Daemon’s utter remorselessness for the death of an innocent small child who’s actually one of his pretty close relatives (grand-nephew, if my incestuous-family-tree math is right?) is appalling. It also further muddies the issue of whether Daemon is actually looking out for what’s best for Rhaenyra or if his motivations are much darker and more self-interested than that, which isn’t a question I expect to be resolved anytime soon. But for me, Daemon falls into a similar category as Aegon, where he’s really more jockeying for a WPiW lifetime achievement award. And as for Alicent, have things ever gotten so out of hand for someone so quickly? She’s an intriguing character because I do think there’s a large part of her that’s actively deluding herself about her own complicity (or maybe just her own responsibility) in all the chaos that’s unfolding around her, but I also think she’s someone who once fancied herself as in charge and is now faced with the harsh fact that she’s not. Part of me still feels for her, though—maybe it’s just Olivia Cooke’s affecting performance, but I think Alicent’s a little too much of a prisoner of her own reality to be the worst person, at least this week. I’m going to hold my vote steady for Cole, though I imagine he’s got some much rockier times ahead of him. As you allude to, being named Hand under a king like Aegon is really one of those “be-careful-what-you-wish-for” sort of promotions.
Onion: It’s settled, then. Until next week, Ser Criston Cole holds the triple crown: Hand of the King, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and worst person in Westeros. What a feat!