Ah, summer. A time to let loose, put your toes in the sand, do whatever you want because it’s Brat Season. And what better way to enjoy yourself than to grab an ice-cold can of your favorite beverage?
I come from the Twisted Tea capital of the country, so I’m no stranger to a moderately spiked premixed concoction designed for sipping on a hot day, but even I’ve had to stop and ask myself: Why is everything a canned cocktail now? Not even five years ago, spiked seltzers were having a moment, but these days it seems as if brands have shed the bubbles and are serving up anything they can mix with alcohol in a can.
Alcoholic beverages are typically divided into three categories: wine, beer, and spirits. But ready-to-drink products have earned enough market share to be broken out into their own category, which saw $10.7 billion in annual sales as of November, according to a NielsenIQ report provided to Slate. The sector includes hard seltzers, flavored malt beverages, canned cocktails, and canned wine—basically, anything that makes it more convenient to drink something other than beer straight out of the cooler.
I get it. Beers and seltzers can leave you feeling bloated. It’s much more appealing to grab a beverage that tastes like something you’d sip on sans alcohol, especially if you’re spending hours out in the sun. If you’re not part of the growing contingent of sober-curious people—a group that is largely either Gen Z or on Ozempic—a drink every so often can be refreshing, and we should be able to enjoy a little treat in the waning days of society as we know it. And who wouldn’t jump at the chance to share a $19.99 variety pack of spiked teas and lemonades, whether you’re at the beach or a friend’s backyard barbecue?
Some of the companies making canned cocktails are trying their very best to make the whole thing feel as sophisticated as sipping on something from a real glass. Blake Lively’s Betty Booze brand boasts “gourmet cocktails,” and the NielsenIQ report notes that alcoholic “functional beverages,” such as hard kombucha, are especially attractive to consumers.
Others are dispensing with such pretenses. Brands many of us enjoyed as kids are offering spiked versions of their classic drinks, in much the same way I might have mixed vodka with a Capri-Sun in high school. Why settle for a light beer when you could choose from Sunny D hard cocktails, Dunkin’ branded spiked iced coffees and teas, and Transfusions from Welch’s, a company perhaps better known for its kid-friendly 100 percent real grape juice. Even Arizona’s instantly recognizable can can now be found in the alcohol aisle (though it surely costs more than 99 cents).
But at some point, we have to acknowledge that these drinks are just glorified adult juice boxes. It’s a smart—and lucrative—play by the consumer goods companies to cash in on the nostalgia economy, which often leaves people ranking retro brands high in favorability. In a pinch, I’m sure I’d be perfectly content to sip whatever premixed can is presented to me, but I’d still prefer a made-to-order drink, preferably from the selection of spirits my fiancé has curated for our home bar, rather than the muted, and probably sugary, alternatives.
A Sunny D with a 4.5 percent ABV isn’t going to elicit fond memories of your childhood. And if you drink enough of them, it won’t help you make new ones either.