Ed Note: This Opinion piece is part of our Underground Good series, which focuses on providing a window into the mindsets of ordinary people doing good work in their community. It’s written by sociologist, coach and evaluation consultant Sharon Brisolara. You can find the rest of our Underground Good series here. Want to nominate someone? You can do that here.
If you live in Randy’s neighborhood, you know him. He has waved to you, stopped to say hi, exchanged pleasantries with a smile, and perhaps helped you take in a garbage can or introduced you to other people on your block. He seems to know everyone and to embody a belief that we’re here to care for each other. Perhaps you know Randy, perhaps you know someone like him, or perhaps you yourself are the mayor of your community. To him, them, and you: thank you.
For a variety of reasons, Randy has asked that we use only his first name.
You seem to know the community you live in very well. How long have you lived here? What did you think about the neighborhood when you first moved in?
I moved here in 2006. My parents were getting up in age and they needed some assistance. So, I moved in with them. They passed in 2009 and 2010, and I’ve just stayed on.
I was a little concerned about a neighbor that had high volumes of traffic, but otherwise, the neighbors all around here are just wonderful. They looked after my parents when I couldn’t be here. We would take the neighbors food or they would come over and cook for my parents. It was give and take.
What kind of neighborhood did you grow up in?
Up until the second grade, I lived here in Redding in the Garden Tract. A lot of the big business people lived in that area back then. When I was in second grade, we moved west of town in Sunset Terrace. We were one of five houses in one section of the neighborhood. I really didn’t have playmates, except for one girl across the street and one guy down the street. It was a pretty rural existence back then; I moved up there when I was in second grade and went to Manzanita school.
You do many things on your daily walks that we might think of as being neighborly. Where did your ideas about what it means to be neighborly come from?
Down in the old Garden Tract neighborhood, Mom had her set of friends and they would have coffee every day at ten o’clock for fifteen minutes. And then it was back to doing your household chores and whatnot. But she or my Dad could call on a neighbor, anywhere in the neighborhood and say, “Where’s Randy? Have you seen him?” And they would say, “Oh, yeah, he’s over at Craig’s house.” Or if I was doing something wrong, Mom and Dad would find out about it. Of course, I never did anything wrong.
Of course not! Was there anything else that influenced how you thought about being neighborly?
I think it was the way my parents interacted with the neighbors. Because I was pretty shy as a kid. The parents were outgoing, and always talking to everybody. Dad was a businessman here in town. I really didn’t like going uptown with him because he stopped at every other business to see how his friend Nick Germani was or how the Thompson boys were. But I think I got most of my outgoing nature and ideas about friendship, neighbors, and whatnot, from my parents. They always interacted with everybody in the neighborhood.
My sense is that everyone in this neighborhood knows you by name. How would you describe your morning routine?
I’m bad at names. I learn neighbors’ dogs’ names before I learn their names. But I’ve been getting some of them figured out after twelve years of walking around here after my folks passed. I don’t know. . . I take people’s garbage cans in. Normally, it’s after I see someone out there, struggling to take it in. One lady had her walker in one hand and the garbage can in the other. And I said, “No, no, no, let me do that for you.” I’ve been putting their garbage cans away since. Or if I see somebody trying to pick up their newspaper using one of those grabber tools. I’ll start putting it up by the garage door so they don’t have to walk all the way out. One time, I put a lady’s garbage can up and she said, “I’m perfectly capable of taking in my own garbage can.” And I said, “That’s fine.” So, I don’t do her garbage.
They keep calling me the Mayor of Country Heights. I’m not the mayor — maybe a liaison! It’s amazing how many times people will stop to ask if I have seen a particular neighbor lately and I might have to let them know she passed away a month and a half ago. Or they’ll ask, what’s going on up the street where they’re doing the new roof?
It sounds like they know that you observe and interact with people and they want to learn what’s going on.
Yeah, that’s kind of what it is. They want to know what’s happening in the neighborhood. In our day and age, a lot of people move a lot, or they come in and don’t get to know their neighbors. I get a lot of people that wave to me who I’ve never spoken to. And I think well, gosh, who are they? I may know they’re in the green house down the street. I would say as I walk every morning, I get waved at by forty to fifty people going into work every morning.
And you wave back?
You have to! That’s just being friendly and interacting with your neighbors. There’s one lady, she takes dogs to the park every day, but she stops and lets me pet them if she sees me out on the street. She’s got these two wild, crazy dogs but they’re sweethearts.
Several people appreciate that I’m looking around their property as I walk by, and, if there’s something weird, and it’s weird for a day or two, I’ll go up and knock on the door. I’ll ask, did you realize this was going on? Like today some guy’s American flag was all tangled up. Just simple little things that I just watch out for. And if it’s something small that needs attention, I’ll just do it or bring it to their attention.
There’s a lot of care and kindness in what you are mentioning. And that’s good for others and for us. What’s the meaning for you? How does it affect you?
It’s easier to be a nice person and tell the truth than to be a pain in the side and lie. Because if you lie, you’re going to have trouble remembering who you told what. Just be truthful, and a kind person. Life is much, much easier that way.
What does creating community mean to you?
It’s all what you put into it. We have some people in this county who are trying to drag down the community, in my opinion. Others are working hard, very hard, to build it up. And those two factions are fighting against each other, to do what is right in their book, but not necessarily what’s right in everyone’s book. That’s not making a community. You’ve got to find ways to compromise. How about you read part of my book and I’ll read part of your book, and we’ll try to write a book together that’s compatible?
What ideas do you have about how people who want to do good can participate in positive ways in public meetings?
I don’t know, it’s sticky. I’m afraid to even voice my opinion, because of the possibility of backlash, or to let them know that I am gay, or living alone. There are so many close-minded people that cannot see the truth. They have their own vision of how things should be and they do damn well what they want to do. When I was growing up, people were still civil to each other. Now it seems that they have more of an “eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth” approach.
It can be discouraging to see the fighting.
Especially being a gay man. I mean, the way this county is going, I’m fearful. I’ve even given thought of moving. But I can’t. This is my home. I’ve been here nearly 70 years.
It was hard at first to tell people that I was married to a man. We’ve been together 27 years now. My husband just had some medical issues and I went to the hospital with him. He didn’t want me to go at first, but I said, “No, I’m going. If I am going to take care of you I need to know what’s going on.” And none of the staff at any of the hospitals have said anything other than, “Oh, okay.”
What other sort of neighborly acts have you witnessed?
There’s a lady near here that has been having some issues. She lost her husband three or four years ago. Some days she is down and upset. Other times she’s madder than hell, because the neighbor’s tree is dropping leaves in her yard.
Finally, the neighbors began talking to each other.They asked me, “Have you been talking to her? What’s going on? We try to talk to her and she gets upset with us.” It turns out she thought that people were wanting her money. I kept trying to tell her that we were just concerned about her and wanted her to be safe and happy. By all of us getting involved and reaching out, she’s improving. And now the county is coming by once a week to visit or take her grocery shopping. It has been a huge improvement.
It’s a hard thing to be by yourself. That’s why I moved in with the folks, to help take care of them. It is why I finally quit my catering business; it was just taking too much time away from caring for my parents. That is probably part of the reason why I keep an eye out if an elderly person hasn’t picked up their newspaper in a couple of days. I’ll grab the papers and knock on the door. I don’t come right out and say, are you okay? What’s wrong? But I may ask if I can take the garbage out for them and pick up after their dog. It’s no big deal.
Hopefully, someday when I get older, somebody will bring my newspaper up. We need more people caring for each other. Looking out for your fellow man.
What is the best piece of advice you’ve received?
I’m not sure if it’s advice, but my parents always said, “You’re just the same as everybody else. We all put our pants on one leg at a time.” And “When you stand up, you’re equal.” That’s how I was raised.
My parents were also very active in the Masonic Lodge and the Shriners. The Potentate, the president of the Shriners, was coming to the house one day and I asked my parents, “What do I say to him?” And they said, just say “Hi, Mr. Jones, I’m Randy, and shake his hand. They’re just people.” We all go to the bathroom every morning, right?
It sounds like they were both very service-minded as well.
The Shriners and Lions Club, the Moose Lodge, the Elks Lodge …we were always out doing something. The Lions always had the broom sale and Dad would sell brooms door-to-door.
I’m involved in the Masons locally. I gave my Dad my Masonic application on my 21st birthday which thrilled him. But it wasn’t until probably ten years later that I started to get really active in the Lodge. I’ve been active ever since; I’ll be a fifty-year member next year.
What has been important to you about your involvement?
Well, my favorite part about the actual meetings is the ritual work and the memorization. I always kind of dreaded that, but once I got into it, I thought, gosh, this is really cool. I like this!
I also love the service. This year, we’ll be helping with Toys for Tots. Before COVID, we would sponsor a science fair at Turtle Bay School where students in different grades would do their science projects and we would go down and judge them. Whoever won in each class got a $500 scholarship.
What do you see as some of the bigger needs in our community?
The main thing on most people’s minds is homelessness. Sometimes on my walk, I’ll see people going through recycling bins getting cans, trying to put a morsel of food in their mouth.
Personally, I just don’t understand how people can refuse help when they’re living in a tent, and it’s 30 degrees outside or driving rain or whatever. But I think a lot of that is related to mental health issues. When, in the 1980s, the president closed all the mental health hospitals, people had to go somewhere. There are a lot of people that are one paycheck away from being homeless. Thank goodness, we have a lot of places like the Rescue Mission and Northern Valley Catholic Social Services and others that provide care. There is a lot of community participation in trying to help these folks.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
You have made me think of things that I hadn’t thought of in many years.
Just treating people the way you want to be treated. It doesn’t hurt you to go over and rake a lawn or something when you know that someone is laid out. When they try to pay you can say, “No, that ruins the whole thing to be paid.”
There’s a guy around the corner and I put his newspaper up against his garage door in the morning. And about every other week, he’ll stop at Trader Joe’s and pick up a box of cookies and put them on my shelf outside my basket. I’ll say, “Please don’t do that! You know, I don’t need it.” This last time, I told him that I took it to the Lodge and let the guys chow down on what he gave me and he said, “Fine.”
Thank you is enough for me.
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