Colton Underwood revealed that he contemplated suicide as he struggled to come to terms with being gay.
The former “Bachelor” star, who came out in a “Good Morning America” interview that aired Wednesday, said that during a particularly dark period, he didn’t want to be alive anymore.
“Overall the reason why [I came out] now is because I got to a place where … I would’ve rather died than say I’m gay,” he shared.
“There was a moment in LA that I woke up, and I didn’t think I was going to wake up,” he continued. “I didn’t have the intentions of waking up. I think that for me was my wakeup call.”
Since coming out to his family, who he said wished he had come out earlier, he’s been “the happiest and healthiest” he’s ever felt.
Underwood first appeared on on Becca Kufrin‘s season of “The Bachelorette” in 2018 and then became “The Bachelor” in 2019, choosing now-ex Cassie Randolph as the winner.
He said during the interview that he thanked God for “making him straight” by selecting him for the show but now has regrets about participating in ABC’s dating competition.
“Do I regret being ‘The Bachelor?’ Do I regret handling it the way that I did? I do. I do think I could’ve handled it better,” he admitted. “I just wish I wouldn’t have dragged people into the mess of figuring out who I was.”
He did, however, credit the series with giving him the courage to come out publicly.
“… But I can sit here and say I’m sorry to all of those women, and I can also say thank you because without them and without ‘The Bachelor’ franchise I don’t know if this would’ve come out,” he admitted.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or text Crisis Text Line at 741741.