Democrat Steve Israel just wrote a political satire, “The Global War on Morris.” Says the Queens congressman:
“I’ve made it all up. Bush’s statements are true — which is harder to believe than my story itself. And it’s dedicated to my dad and Cheney, who dad never liked.”
About this convolution, which sounds like it’s from the larynx of Chris Rock, he says: “Took seven years to write. The idea came listening to Bush and Cheney. But I’m bipartisan. I criticize both sides.” He waited for the laugh to die down, then:
“My parody’s about DC creating bureaucrats to spy on innocent Americans. Like once investigating innocent Quakers. Like September 2004, barring Sen. Kennedy from a plane because inanely his name made a Do Not Fly list. It’ll sell in Washington, if they can laugh at themselves. Some people will recognize themselves. In most cases I’ve changed names to protect the guilty.
“Like a certain powerful unnamed New York senator who’s good at getting press attention. I sent him a copy. He took it in good fun. I myself paid for that copy because Simon & Schuster is not big with giving free books.
“The name ‘Morris’ stands for every man who’s innocent, but had e-mails examined. Typical New Yorker who loves bagels, Chinese food, baseball, Italian takeout, his coffee place, pizza place, barber, whose wife is a yenta, who bitches about Queens-Midtown Tunnel traffic and just wants to be left alone.”
That’s how Sofía rolls
During the Golden Globes pre-party, Sofía Vergara, her Joe Manganiello and Kathrine Herzer inhaled sushi at Beverly Hills’ Yu-N-Mi . . . Babble Obama — burbling his formulaic “our thoughts and prayers are with France” — sends Eric Holder? Why not Biden, who likes cameras, or Kerry, who isn’t busy? . . . Marion Cotillard bitching and moaning that her nicely reviewed “Two Days, One Night” blew every Best Movies shortlist.
Odds & ends
Sunday, Marriott Marquis, Jewish school Ramaz honoring former Attorney General Michael Mukasey and giving New York’s Finest, who guarded the event, a standing ovation plus a moment of silence for France . . .
Golden Globe winner for “The Theory of Everything,” ex-model Eddie Redmayne’s the only dude who did not have a stylist select his BVDs . . .
Off the books
Carly Simon on Martha’s Vineyard scratching out her $2 mil advance life story while an ex-husband, James Hart, is also doing his . . .
Author James Fragale’s family hasn’t spoken to him since his autobio, “The Answer to Life,” came out. It’s “memoir fiction,” whatever that is . . .
Another author, James Hester, once escorted Radio One founder Cathy Hughes (first and only African-American woman on the stock exchange) to the White House, and in 2008 she helped Hillary, who now took down Hughes’ number for her is-she-isn’t-she campaign, which is an “is” come spring . . .
Fine art found
The National Arts Club has an astonishing, monthlong, free exhibition of mislabeled, lost for decades works by 18th/19th-century Francisco de Goya. Illness left the Spanish master deaf and withdrawn, thus his “Los Caprichos” (meaning “caprices”) collection is sketches, paintings, drawings, etchings that are dark, macabre. Following the Club’s Charles James, Rembrandt, Picasso, Munch exhibits, ladies like Elaine Sargent and Leesa Rowland hugged fine arts director Dianne Bernhard.
Besides robotics doing housework and shlepping groceries from your SUV, now techies are into our drawers. Pants that react if you do your yoga sloppily and savvy socks that monitor your movements.
Mumbled one senior guy: “So who needs a wife anymore?”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.