Everyone treating me like I am dead ... I am truly broken: emotional Vinesh Phogat on Tokyo Olympics loss
Vinesh Phogat was a medal favourite but nothing went right for the star Indian wrestler at Tokyo 2020. She is even contemplating quitting.
In an emotional outburst, Vinesh Phogat has revealed she was in bad physical and mental shape at the Tokyo Olympics. According to the 26-year old Indian wrestler, unfair criticism of her performance has led to her feeling “broken”, leaving her wondering whether she should even return to the mat.
Vinesh Phogat was expected to win a medal in the women’s freestyle 53kg category but crashed out in the quarterfinal, losing by fall to Vanesa Kaladzinskaya of Belarus.
Vinesh said that her condition – hampered by concussion suffered in 2017 and COVID last year -- deteriorated further in Tokyo as her physio Poornima Ngomdir was not with her.
“I am blank. I don’t know what is happening in life,” Vinesh wrote in The Indian Express. “For the last week, so much has been going on inside me…
“Everyone outside is treating me like I am a dead thing. At least ask me what happened to me on the mat…. Vinesh did not lose because of pressure. Before passing judgments, just ask the athlete what went wrong.”
Vinesh Phogat also revealed details about her struggle before and during her bouts.
She said she had tried to manage her weight and conditioning in the absence of her regular physio, but was reduced to shivering after her first bout - a match in which she beat Sofia Mattsson of Sweden, a bronze medallist from Rio 2016, 7-1 in the round of 16.
“I prepared for the humidity, I had salt capsules, I drank electrolytes. I just wished this problem would not arise. But when it rains, it pours.
“I had a concussion in 2017, since then I have suffered from it. Things become blurry. It has gone down a lot but when my head strikes on anything, it comes back.
“Maybe it was that. Maybe it was the blood pressure. Maybe the weight cut. I’m used to salt capsules. They helped a lot. But they did not work in Tokyo where I was alone.”
Vinesh said that on the day of her bout, she was in pain and vomited later. “I had not eaten the day before the bout. I drank some nutrition but I felt anxious. I woke up with a feeling of vomiting but I could not. I was in pain. There was nothing in my body. Ultimately I did vomit.
On the bus ride to the stadium, Vinesh remembers calling Poornima - her physio - and asking her desperately what she could do.
“After my first bout, I took a salt capsule. Nothing improved so I took one more. No change. I could not eat anything because I was nauseous and felt like vomiting. I did some breathing exercises but to no effect. I was not feeling in control. I was shivering.”
The Commonwealth Games and Asian Games gold medallist said that she knew she was losing against Kaladzinskaya but had been rendered helpless.
“I was giving up points from positions I would never have. I can see that everything is going away but I can’t do it. My mind was blocked to that level that I didn’t know how to complete a takedown. I was surprised that I was blanked out.”
After she changed weight categories, Vinesh Phogat said she had been depressed in 2019.
“As an athlete, the mental pressure is so much that we are always on that thin line. When it crosses, we are done…
“I told my psychologist that I am very emotional and can cross that thin line.
“Do you think doing meditation and talking to a psychologist is enough? Nothing is enough. Only we know.”
Vinesh Phogat also mentioned the space afforded to American gymnast Simone Biles after she pulled out finals at Tokyo 2020 citing mental health issues. This, Vinesh said, was unthinkable in India.
“We celebrate Simone Biles as she said that I am not mentally prepared to perform at the Olympics and did not do her event. Forget pulling out of wrestling, just try saying that you are not ready.”
The 2021 Asian Championships gold medallist asked to be left alone, adding that was not sure when she would return to the mat.
“Now, I find it difficult to cry. I have zero mental strength right now. I never said make me a contender for gold. I am wrestling for myself and I was the first to feel awful after losing, but let me do it. Leave me alone.
“I don’t know when I will return. Maybe I won’t. I feel I was better off with that broken leg (at Rio 2016). I had something to correct. Now my body is not broken, but I’m truly broken.”