Mind the tail you marry, folks.
Scorpios are perhaps the most maligned and least understood of all zodiac signs, but one thing they ain’t is basic (or second-rate in the sack) which serves to explain why so many among us lock it down with their brooding and beautiful selves.
The brave choice to wed a sign symbolized by a deadly creature is celebrated each year on November 18 on the official National Married to a Scorpio Support Day.
Hitching your star wagon to a Scorpio guarantees you a lifetime of intrigue. Prepare to never talk about the weather (unless it’s philosophizing about storm patterns in hell) and always share your location.
Trust that this union shan’t be a smooth ride, more like a dramatic descent to the dark depths of the human condition paired with periodic breaching to experience the heights of transcendental bliss.
I maintain that the French poet/pervert who first described an orgasm as “le petit mort” or the little death was either themselves a Scorpio or recently got it on with one.
But I beseech you, who wants beige, linen and bland when you can have the abyss, leather and unhinged? Not me, folks. Read on for our spousal survival tips, some of which are provided by Joy, a digital wedding planning platform that supports all unions even those betwixt fixed water signs.
Who wants beige, linen and bland when you can have abyss, leather and unhinged?
To the haters, detractors and disavowers I point to Elizabeth Taylor’s epic response when asked whether she would marry her long-dead Scorpio ex-husband Richard Burton a third time.
“In a heartbeat!”
And there you have it, read on to learn more.
Don’t take offense
Like the kid that kicks their crush, Scorpios tend to tease, jab or low-key humiliate the object of their affection as part of their elaborate mating ritual/toxic push you away to see if you’ll stick around routine.
Joy maintains, “Scorpios tend to get a bad rep when it comes to relationships, as they’re known for secrecy, possessiveness, and jealousy. The way they express their love might not be as obvious as some of the other signs, often making jokes or throwing insults with a twinkle in their eye, rather than offering a warm embrace. Don’t take offense – in fact, the best response is to play along!”
Keep in mind that Scorpios are acutely sensitive to even the slightest offense, by all means, play along but for the love of all that’s holy don’t return the shade. You’ll RUE the day.
Don’t forget that deep down they’re romantic AF
Scorpio gets a reputation for being dark and difficult but believe me when I say that beneath the literal or metaphorical cape and uncomfortable eye contact is someone desperate for human connection and deep intimacy, one who dreams of the day they can receive a bouquet of flowers as a heartfelt gift, rather than a suspicious/subconscious admission of guilt.
Controlling is caring to a Scorpio. Not huge on reciprocity they want to know all of your secrets while keeping every last one of theirs securely stashed in an emotional catacomb.
If you lie, prepare to die
Allergic to the topical and avowed to the authentic, Scorpio fakes NOTHING and is suspicious of everyone.
They believe everyone wants to take from them; hack their devices, steal their recipes, read their journal, sell their kidneys and seduce their partner. Because they are born anticipating betrayal, trust does not come easy, and in some cases not at all, to the likes of a scorpion.
In the genius words of astrologer Spence Taylor, “The Scorpio sees trust like car insurance, it constantly needs to be renewed.”
Earning the trust of a Scorpio is thus not a long-term goal but a daily crucible, think Sisyphus and the stone, never done and never quite enough.
Give them space but never leave them unread
Solitude is sacred to a Scorpio and respecting their need for space is a surefire way to get them to come back around.
As Joy elaborates, “They may feel distant at times and you can go hours without hearing from them, simply because they enjoy their space and are not especially needy. Trust that your partner will share with you when there is something important on their mind.”
Much like secrets, space is something a Scorpio demands but struggles to deliver. They often expect their partners to be at their beck and call (and if you’re not they’ll assume you’re dead or cheating) while they themselves enjoy long stretches of freezing you the f–k out.
Here’s to you Scorpio and all those bold enough to love you, all in and acting out, you’re still #WorthIt.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
