My 10-year-old refuses to wear shorts until I teach her to shave
“My daughter just turned 10 a few weeks ago and had gotten her first period in December when she was nine,” a mom began in a recent advice-seeking post.
“She won’t wear shorts or tank tops anymore and when I pressed her on why she said it’s cause she has hairy armpits and legs.
“So I’m wondering – when would it be appropriate to talk to her about shaving and would I have to teach her how?”
“No one showed me how to do it”
The mum then provided some extra context, saying that her own mum passed away when she was six, so “no one talked to me about it or showed me how to do it.”
“I started when I was about 13/14 cause my older sister was making fun of me. I asked her if people were making fun of her about her hair, and she said no, that she just doesn’t wanna wear clothes that will show it.”
The mum then opened it up to the readers and asked for their advice about what she should do in this situation.
“Please teach her how to shave!”
Most urged the mum to teach her daughter how to shave, or else risk her daughter hurting herself behind her back or not opening up to her about issues with her body in the future.
“I think this really has to be tailored to the kid. Your daughter started puberty young and is uncomfortable in her body because of things related to that. It may be the right time to allow it, and yes, you should teach her,” said one.
Another wrote, “For other kids that start puberty later or have fair hair, it may be appropriate to wait later. There is no correct age. Another suggestion is to have a conversation about body positivity, understanding what we like versus what we think we are supposed to like and that beauty standards are false narratives.”
Another user replied: “I’m 34, and I distinctly remember wanting to shave at the age of 11. But my mum refused to let me because I ‘wasn’t old enough yet’ and ‘Your hair will grow back thicker’. Thankfully we know that is a myth. My hair is super dark, so it was very noticeable. And yes, I got bullied over it so much that I only wore pants.
“So please teach her how to shave! If you don’t, she will (maybe) find a way to do it behind your back.”
Someone else added their own perspective, writing: “To be honest, I didn’t really ‘need’ to shave the first time I asked, but all my friends were starting, and I felt left out. My mum made such a big stink about it that when I did need to I didn’t ask, I just took her razor and figured it out myself. And I never asked her a question about my body again.”
“I don’t see any reason not to teach her now vs a year or two years from now,” a different user pointed out.
And finally, one user made the case that “the time to start is when they are bothered by their body hair.”