It’s been almost exactly a year since we lost our king of daytime dysfunction, Jerry Springer.
The man who, for decades, lorded over trashy television: folks working out personal beefs with colorful, threatening language and, sometimes, the aid of a flying chair.
But, as they say, nature abhors a vacuum.
In 2024, that tasty “Jerry!! Jerry!!” drama has a new home — no less than the vaunted halls of the United States Congress, featuring Marjorie Taylor Greene, NYC’s own Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and Jasmine Crockett, a Democrat from Texas.
In a House Oversight Committee meeting on Thursday, the trio fought like some of Springer’s greatest all-time guests
The fracas erupted during a hearing on whether to move forward with a contempt resolution against Attorney General Merrick Garland.
Yet it somehow devolved into a shouting match about fake eyelashes, body shaming and dramatic cries of “baby girl.”
It would be rip-roaringly funny — hey, I proudly owned a VHS copy of Springer’s “Too Hot for TV” back in the late ’90s — if it weren’t so sad.
Greene, a clown Republican hailing from the great state of Georgia, kicked off the gross display by asking about the politically connected daughter of Judge Juan Merchan, who is presiding over the Trump hush money case in Manhattan.
“I’d like to know if any of the Democrats on this committee are employing Judge [Juan] Merchan’s daughter,” Greene said.
Crockett demanded that Greene explain “what that has to do with Merrick Garland,” asking the Republican: “Do you know what we’re here for?”
On “Springer,” this is where a riled-up guest might stand up, put her hands on her hips and raise her voice.
Cue MTG, flapping her hands around: “I think your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading.”
And now a side player — usually a new girlfriend or other rival — inevitably jumps into the fray.
“That is absolutely unacceptable!” Ocasio-Cortez yelled, demanding Greene’s comments be stricken from the record. “How dare you attack the physical appearance of another person!”
Next move on “Springer”? A bullying taunt.
“Are your feelings hurt? Aww,” Greene said, her voice dripping with disdain.
Here’s where the guests typically remove their earrings for a fight.
“Oh! Girl, baby, girl!” Ocasio-Cortez seethed. “Don’t even play!”
“Oh, really? Baby girl? I don’t think so,” Greene said.
No they did not! In the House Oversight Committee!
Greene eventually offered to strike her words. But being a woman of principle, she refused to apologize to Crockett.
Before we cut to commercial break: Greene challenged AOC to a debate, insults about intelligence were thrown around. Audience members (that is, members of the House) began jumping out of their seats and groaning.
Back to Crockett, who tried to goad Springer — I mean panel chairman James Comer (R-Ky.) — into the fight by invoking Greene.
“I’m just curious,” Crockett said. “To better understand your ruling, if someone on this committee then starts talking about somebody’s bleached blond, bad-built butch body, that would not be engaging in personalities, correct?”
Jamie Raskin from Maryland looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head.
“A what now?” asked clueless Comer, who was apparently not a “Springer” viewer. “I have no idea what you just said.”
Various elected officials tried to calm things down. Like a good guest, Crockett kept the heat coming.
“No! Don’t tell me to calm down because y’all talk noise and then you can’t take it!” Crockett shouted. “Because if I come and talk s–t about her, y’all gonna have a problem!”
Admittedly, I was not previously familiar with Crockett’s work. This performance, however, would have earned her “Talk Soup’s Clip of the Week” back in the day.
But a spot in our esteemed House of Reps?
Decorum died a long time ago. As we’re regularly reminded, Trump and his mean nicknames and mockery broke all the norms. I cannot dispute that.
Heat-seeking politicians — in both parties — have adopted his playbook and cranked the volume up to eleven.
Politics is now less about being a public servant and all about serving meme-worthy moments.
For all the guff that the right rightfully gives AOC, MTG is her identical twin in buffoonery.
One perpetually dons a patriotic costume you buy in a bag from Party City; the other is a socialist Cinderella in a pricey “Tax the Rich” ballgown. They’re fighting for different teams, but they’re really two sides of the same bad coin.
They are both merely influencers who aren’t interested in representing anyone or anything but their own personal brands.
Republican, Democrat, whatever — we all deserve better. Let them duke out it out on pay-per-view and let’s get some serious folks in the halls of power.
