My ex refused to give me toilet paper when I needed it — so I dumped him
What a poopy reason to get dumped.
Some ill-fated relationships go swirling down the drain after one or both partners cheat. Some hit the skids when a lover gets tangled in a lie.
But these two sweeties went stinky over a roll of bathroom tissue and an incredibly crappy attitude.
“I had to end it. I just kept thinking about how this isn’t the last time I’m gonna run out of toilet paper,” Jess Jacobsen told The Post on Monday.
“When I think of my future self stranded on the toilet, he’s not the person I want to be there for me to ask for help. I deserve more, toilet paper especially.”
The scorned sweetheart from Los Angeles spilled her guts to more than 11.5 million TikTok viewers last week.
“I’m breaking up with the guy I’m dating because of what he did to me when I was on the toilet the other day,” Jacobsen began her un-bowl-ievable TikTok.
“So, I’m at his house,” continued the blond. “I sit down to take a poop. I go to wipe — there’s no toilet paper.”
Naturally, Jacobsen yelled out to her then-honey, asking him to hand her a spool of TP from his first-floor commode — a simple request that the nameless numbskull allegedly refused to fulfill.
“He said, ‘No, I already told you that bathroom [you’re using] is out of toilet paper. Sorry,’” she recalled.
And despite the Gen Zer’s repeated pleas for help, Jacobsen claims her antihero left her high and not so dry.
“With s – – t in my a – – , I explain to him that he’s my only option,” she carried on. “I can’t walk downstairs and get the toilet paper.”
Tensions continued mounting between the troubled twosome, reaching a fever pitch when Jacobsen began screaming for help at the top of her lungs, hoping a neighbor might respond to her distress.
“He’s finally [like], ‘Fine, fine, fine. I’ll go [get the toilet paper]! What the f – – k? You’re so f – – king dramatic,’” she said.
“Then he storms off, goes downstairs, he comes back, slams the door open and he throws the toilet paper at my f – – king head,” Jacobsen added.
The traumatizing incident left her feeling like No. 2.
“I cried,” she confessed. “That’s actually one of the craziest things anyone’s ever done to me.”
Supporters encouraged the porcelain princess not to waste her time fretting over the doo-doo-headed dude.
“He clear as day showed you that when you’re vulnerable, sick or something is inconvenient to him, he’s not going to be there for you … RUN!!” urged a concerned commenter.
“That is a relationship deal breaker. 100%,” wrote another.
“That’s crimson red of all the red flags. First signs of an abuser. I’m glad you’re choosing you,” an equally stunned spectator said.
“Absolutely not,” another commented. “Don’t just break up with him though — take the toilet paper AND the towels and let him figure it out.”
If Jacobsen heeded the devious advice about swiping the dope’s linens and paper products, she wouldn’t be the first woman to exact cruel revenge on a deserving ex.
In fact, a Texas woman may have reached the pinnacle of payback when she maliciously laced her unfaithful guy’s condoms with habanero oil last year.
And just last month, a heartbroken Illinois woman was hailed the queen of “next level pettiness” for virally sharing the secret pizza recipe that once belonged to her womanizing ex-beau’s dead mother.
“I don’t feel guilty that [the recipe is] on Facebook,” she declared.
“Maybe that’s not the best way to go about it,” she admitted. “But it helped me work through all of that trauma.”
