We didn’t start the fire that sparked a heated debate about New York’s ultimate breakfast food — but are Doritos-laced bagels in Billy Joel’s homeland of Long Island a step too far?
NY’s favorite carb has long been used as a de facto guinea pig for experimental flavors that range from Fruity Pebbles to spinach, topped with myriad schmears.
However, a Thursday post on the Long Island Wise Guy meme page highlighting the newest Frankenfood offering — the “Doritos Bagel” — begged the question: Is it any good or is it just another example of an outlandish, influencer-driven gimmick meal?
Amid a chorus of haters, more adventurous palates raved about the creation: “Can I get a schmear of cool ranch and a 1/4 lb of Fritos?” the post was captioned, inspiring one fan to chime in: “That’s gross where can I get one tho?”
Sure, numerous bagel shops have attempted to create a viral sensation out of this hybrid before — but it took a Long Island location to make it a culinary conversation.
For answers to the latest, chippy conundrum, The Post trekked out to the magical land of Suffolk County where Bean’s Bagels of St. James boasts such a creation. They insist they’re the OG Doritos-bagel maker, but imposters are the “finest form of flattery.”
Co-owner Steve Stashin told The Post his co-owner Michael “Beans” Budani has been baking Doritos bagels daily for a little over a year at the North Shore store, but makes only a few dozen a day since they are “labor-intensive.” Still, the popular dish sells out daily.
With a tint slightly bolder and more orange than an egg bagel, Bean’s concoction has a rugged exterior of chip crumbles that resembles toasted Asiago cheese.
The friendly staff at the St. James location will recommend pairing the Doritos bagel with vegetable cream cheese and tomato slices, topping it off with some juicy bacon.
It’s a savvy deal for $7.90 and comes with chips or a deli side.
Some left-field flavor combinations, like ruining ice cream with barbecue sauce, do not work. However, this one really does hit the spot, and here’s what you knead to know.
A chip off the old block
It was 9 a.m. on Friday and the regular crowd shuffled into Bean’s. As a newcomer to this bagel shop — I have my own spot closer to home in Nassau — I enthusiastically tried out the Doritos bagel with no preconceived notions. After all, Doritos seem to find their way onto everything under the sun nowadays, partnering with fast food heavyweights like Taco Bell and Burger King.
This was certainly love at first bite, as its mostly savory flavors strike a unique harmony that also blends the textures of crunchy, crispy and soft.
What makes the concoction work is that its nacho cheese-dusted chips serve as a flavor accent rather than a show stealer. The chips lose some of their zesty potency after being baked into the bagels — and that’s not a bad thing.
You know you’re still eating a normal breakfast that isn’t some mad stoner’s brainchild. It’s just a regular meal that has a nice touch thanks to a snack-time favorite.
The bacon accentuates the Doritos flavor, and the tomatoes plus veggie cream cheese blend add a pleasant sweetness.
I hate raw tomatoes — and most vegetables for that matter — yet enjoyed this. Dare I say it’s a well-balanced meal, from a taste perspective at least?
Is it something to get every day? Unlikely, due to density (one half filled up my dense self), but on occasions when the ravenous mood — or perhaps a hangover — strikes, these bagels certainly answer the call.
Buyer beware: Having a bacon-filled Doritos bagel with black iced coffee on an empty stomach — like this reporter foolishly did — will almost guarantee a gastrointestinal episode that has the potential to overpower your colon like an unstoppable rebel force.
But as one Long Island Wise Guy commenter put it best to some doubters: “No such thing as too far with bagels.”
