My wife accused me of trying to starve our son while she was away
A father feels he’s been unfairly accused of “starving” his son – by his own wife.
The eight-year-old and his dad had a weekend at home together, while the mum enjoyed a short trip away.
But during that time, the child refused all offerings of meals – then complained to his mum upon her return that he’d not eaten anything for two days.
“I’m not allowed to feed him”
The man shared in an online group that his wife accused him of “starving” their son.
“He’s a notoriously picky eater. My wife usually ‘takes care’ of his food, and she always is complaining that he won’t eat any vegetables or meat,” he writes.
“She fights him for hours and then caves and makes him chicken nuggets or macaroni. I’m not allowed to feed him because I don’t ‘try hard enough’, even though she barely gets any real food into him.”
The dad explains he wanted to try a different tactic.
“She went on her trip early Friday morning, and I started making breakfast; eggs, bacon, and toast for both of us. He refused to eat any of it. I made lunch; two turkey sandwiches, he refused to eat any of it. I made meatloaf for dinner, and he refused to I sent him to bed.
“He begged for Oreos or macaroni the whole day, and I said he can eat the food I make or just not eat. I will not beg him to eat his food. I will not bargain with a child to eat what his body needs to survive.”
The kid continued without food until his mum returned on Sunday night.
“He ran out of bed and cried to her that I starved him for two days. She started yelling at me, and I showed her all of his meals in the fridge he didn’t eat.”
But the wife was unconvinced, so, “Now I’m kicked out of the bedroom, and she’s consoling our son and ‘feeding him’. She says I starved him, but I made sure he had stuff to eat.
“There were other things to eat available like yogurt, apples, bananas. He knows how to get himself food. He is not autistic, and the only sensory issues he has is overstimulation and loud noises.”
“He might have an eating disorder”
Many commenters sidestepped the marital issue and wanted to help the child.
“You probably didn’t expect him to last so long without caving and eating the food,” one wrote.
“This should be a wakeup call to both you and your wife that he’s not just picky but might have an actual eating disorder…
“Normally we think that children won’t starve themselves. But kids with ARFID [Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder] do starve themselves because their avoidance of “non-safe” foods is so strong that it overrides normal survival instincts.”
Another said, “I’m a former picky eater, I’m now 32 and have my own kid. If you make food a battle, you will be the one who loses.
“My parents and after them my in laws tried to feed me. I stayed underweight until I moved half a world away to another continent. As soon as the pressure on me stopped I slowly started to eat more.
“Go see a professional, your wife’s method is wrong but yours is not right either. Combined you two are making it worse.”
There were also some who did want to note the marital dysfunction in the context of the eating, too, with this person writing:
“It sounds like you went out of your way to make this a power struggle specifically when your wife wasn’t there and pick foods you knew he wouldn’t like. Otherwise, you would’ve sprinkled in some fruit, some foods that typical eight-year-olds likes along with new food instead of taking away his electronics for not eating corn beef hash.
“I’m going to ignore the relationship between you and your wife, because that seems totally dysfunctional, and tell you that you just increased your son’’ anxiety about food and probably made everything worse. “