Like Scottish crabgrass, Alan Cumming is all over.
“I just played the Carlyle with my Jewish friend. We called the show ‘Och & Oy.’ You read the room. You play the crowd.
“I’m vegan so sometimes in cabaret a waft of steak hits you. One lady kept saying she loves me. An old drunk couple fought in front of me. I said, ‘You should’ve come earlier and started your martinis quicker.’ With a few clips up my sleeve, I can enjoy answering hecklers.
“To find humor in the darkest things Scots even laugh at funerals. Even if I forget words or screw up on a Broadway stage. I don’t pretend. Or stop and get nervous. I simply tell the musicians, ‘Let’s just start again.’ ”
And what do Scots wear under their kilt? “Tradition is you wear nothing. You’re open to the elements. Feels nice when air gets up there. Little bag around your waist holds things down so if wind blows nobody can view the crown jewels.”
When we spoke Alan was in a car going to Boston. Between traffic noise and his brogue I caught only every fifth word.
So if I got stuff wrong, next time we speak I may find out those crown jewels maybe occasionally get aired out even more than Cartier’s.
Start spreading the news
Now the Tonys: Must be — can only be — Beowulf Boritt whose “New York, New York” sets are this season’s most magical scenic creations. “Took me 18 months to do it,” he told me.
Best Featured Actor in a Musical? Nobody — not one living body — comes near “Shucked’s” showstopper Alex Newell. “In rehearsal I actually planned it that way,” Newell told me.
In the get lost column
Now, Chris Christie was in Monday’s Post calling Trump “a loser.”
The night Donald won, 9:30ish-10 p.m. as his votes piled up — I was with Donald. In his office. Standing, we two, side by side, just him, nobody close to us, seeing it all on wall TVs. Off, alone, Christie applauding, screaming Donald’s a “winner.”
Hell hath no fury like an unemployed pol needing attention.
Rating first in states & tall tales
Sen. Chris Coons from hidin’ Biden’s financially helpful soil Delaware spat this birdpoop: “I never saw anyone with more energy than Biden. He loves to know and accomplish things.” Yeah. Right. Just like Congress’ new creep George Santos — Coons is a loon.
America! Are we great or not?
All’s ‘well’ uptown
Yes, we are great. Monday, June 5, groundbreaking at Barnard will celebrate the Francine A. LeFrak Foundation Center for Well-Being. The college ceremony begins 5 p.m., plus light refreshments and wellness activities.
And chef Eric Ripert — who runs NYC’s top Le Bernardin restaurant — now teaches French. On TikTok. He says: “You learn three words a week.” Great. With only three French words a week better you should visit Albania.
Hired cars are getting so expensive that it’s cheaper to be mugged and wait for an ambulance.
It’s been raining. So this one driver sideswiped a c