John Fetterman says he was so depressed he got lost walking around DC
Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) detailed the extent of his struggles with depression in an interview released on Thursday, where he revealed that he would become so disoriented because of the illness that he would get lost walking around the nation’s capital.
“I was so depressed that I didn’t even realize I was depressed. I didn’t even understand it. This, to me, just became the new normal. I wasn’t realizing [that] I wasn’t eating. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t really drinking much,” the Pennsylvania Democrat told NPR in his first interview since returning to the Senate after spending more than five weeks in the hospital being treated for clinical depression.
“I dropped 25 pounds. And sometimes I would say things, incoherent things and I would become kind of just [disoriented], and getting lost walking around in Washington,” Fetterman said.
The freshman senator, who suffered a stroke on the campaign trail last year that left him with auditory processing issues and speech difficulties, said he only realized “something was wrong” as he prepared to check himself into Walter Reed National Military Medical Center for treatment.
“And then finally, when it was all decided that I needed to take this option that was provided to me. I realized that I knew something was wrong. They knew that I wasn’t right,” Fetterman said, adding that even though he knew something was wrong he considered not signing himself into the Maryland hospital.
“Even at that moment, I still kind of pushed back about it too, sometimes saying ‘Are you sure, I don’t really need it.’ Because then when it really comes to that choice, I’m gonna walk in here and sign myself in, I thought for a second ‘Oh my god no, no, wait a minute. I’m fine. I – never mind I got this,’” the senator said.
Fetterman’s first time leading a Senate committee hearing on Wednesday was met with concern among social media users, with many saying that the difficulties the senator had reading his opening statement shows that he is unfit to serve.
However, Fetterman told NPR that he’s all smiles upon returning to Capitol Hill this week and that it has “been a joy.”
“It was just a big smile. I’ve really missed being here,” he said.
Fetterman went on to admit that during his depression battle, he was “not the kind of senator” that residents of the Keystone State “deserved.”
“When I was in the throes of depression, if I was being 100% honest, I was not the kind of Senator that was deserved by Pennsylvanians. I wasn’t the kind of partner that I owe to my wife, Gisele, or to my children, Karl, Grace, and August,” he said.
Fetterman noted that doctors have told him his depression is in remission, and he plans to “pay it forward” and push people suffering from depression to get help.
“I want to say the kinds of things that I would have heard years ago that got me into action. And I would tell anybody listening to this interview, if you suffer from depression, or you have a loved one, please let them know that you don’t need to just suffer with that depression. Get treatment, and get help. If I’d had done that years ago, I would not have had to put my family and myself and my colleagues [through] that if I had gotten help,” he said, adding that he’s “the guy that didn’t believe that I could get rid of my depression. And now I did.”