Remember what happened last January? You resolved to quit sugar. Get fit. Lose the weight. We all did — what a time!
Then, of course, came February. An estimated 80 percent of us broke our virtuous vows, swaddled ourselves in Slankets and scarfed down failure-frosted Krispy Kremes in a collective “I give up” blackout.
This may sound absurd, but don’t accept defeat just yet. With another year dawning, experts who spoke with The Post ID’d some lesser-known reasons people drop the ball on New Year’s resolutions. The first? The big, national push to completely reinvent yourself every Jan. 1.“[It] suggests that the current you isn’t good enough,” psychologist Amanda Baten, Ph.D., founder of Manhattan’s Center for Integrative Therapies, tells The Post. This sneaky cultural negging just sets you up for failure: “If you’re starting from a place of feeling inferior in some way and you experience a setback, you can start to see self-sabotaging behavior that ultimately confirms the negative beliefs you had at the outset.”
Instead, she suggests pairing goals with a simple mantra that honors the person you are already. Try, “Where I am right now is OK,” or, “Today I’m going to do the best I can.” Such self-compassion is helpful whether you’re making progress or suffering a Taco Bell relapse. “It helps counter the distorted thinking and dogmatic demands that can result in inaction,” Baten says. Indeed, you are good enough — and you deserve room for mistakes and false starts as you tackle new challenges (such as finishing all the kale you just bought).
How we frame our resolutions can hold us back, as well. The traditional approach is to state a desired outcome (“This year, I will shed the belly fat!”). Rather saying what you want, though, try envisioning how you want to be.
“It’s more useful and efficient to form an identity-based habit versus an outcome-based habit,” says behavioral expert James Clear, author of “Atomic Habits.” Ask yourself: What sort of person is able to achieve washboard abs? The answer — someone who doesn’t sleep through exercise sessions — promotes success by prioritizing action. Your goal isn’t a sculpted six-pack, per se; it’s to get out of bed right now and start moving. Says Clear, “Every action you take, even if you do just five pushups, is a vote for the kind of person you want to become.”
For resolutions aimed at avoiding some temptation — screen time, booze, midnight bulk orders on Amazon — many of us attempt extreme self-denial. “The standard narrative is, ‘This time it’s different. I need to try harder. I need more willpower. If I really wanted it, I would do it,’ ” says Clear. “It’s this very forced approach where you need to overpower the things in your environment.”
Anyone would crack under those conditions, so tweak your surroundings to relieve the pressure. “Rather than try harder, you want to face less friction,” Clear says. As an example, he says he was able to slash his screen time just by storing his phone out of reach during morning hours. “Just that one small adjustment and I’m no longer fighting the urge to look at it,” he says.
Pressure to conform — to others’ values, to fleeting lifestyle trends — is another external source of interference in hitting personal goals, says cardiologist Dr. Juan Rivera, Miami-based author of “The Mojito Diet.” Lasting results usually stem from sincere desires, he says — something to think about before you swear off carbs just to score the ultimate revenge body.
“You want to feel that you’re doing something for your longevity, you’re doing something for your health,” Rivera says. “You’re not doing it because you have a wedding coming up; you’re doing it because you want to take care of yourself. That connection is the most important thing.”