“Reading self-help books gives you the impression of being productive when, really, it’s just another form of procrastination,” writes Gregg Clunis in his upcoming self-help book “Tiny Leaps, Big Changes.”
That might sound counterintuitive, but it’s already a recurring theme in 2019 self-help books. Since the blockbuster success of blogger Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k” in 2016, they are increasingly written by authors who don’t claim to have all the answers. On the first page of Dr. Venus Nicolino’s new self-help book “Bad Advice,” she describes the very idea of self-help literature as a “f–ked premise” and “super dumb.”
They’ve created a new aesthetic in modern self-help, one that offers life guidance to readers with the caveat that nobody is an “expert.” “I’m not here to lecture you,” writes John Kim in the just-released “I Used To Be a Miserable F*ck.” “I am doing this with you, as a brother. As a fellow human.”
Here are five titles in the next wave of self-help books, which want to help readers change their lives without being too pushy about it.
“You Always Change the Love of Your Life (for Another Love or Another Life)” (Penguin Books) by Amalia Andrade
A book for people who’ve lost “the love of your life” — which could be a partner, a pet, a best friend, or even “an imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend” — it encourages readers to wallow in their self-pity, whether that entails overeating, skipping work to watch Netflix, having feelings of self-loathing or stalking an ex on social media. There’s no judgment here or “it’s all going to be OK” platitudes, just acceptance that recovering from heartbreak takes time and a lot of complicated emotions.
Premise in one quote: “It’s OK not to be OK.”
Recurring themes: Pop-culture metaphors (i.e. rating your emotional state on a Britney Spears scale of insanity, from “Not Britney At All” to “Bald Britney”); reader participation (plenty of blank pages for readers to provide their own examples of emotional pain, so the book “ends up being something we’ve written together.”)
“Tiny Leaps, Big Changes: Everyday Strategies to Accomplish More, Crush Your Goals, and Create the Life You Want” (Center Street) by Gregg Clunis
Based on a podcast by the same name, Clunis, the son of Jamaican immigrants, explains how to achieve success “from small, incremental steps each and every day.” The focus — in what we’re repeatedly reminded is “not a self-help book” — is on behaving more like an immigrant blue-collar worker who’s just happy to have a job and doesn’t sit around waiting for inspiration.
Premise in one quote: “Stop putting so much focus on finding your passion and start focusing on creating opportunities instead.”
Recurring themes: Reality “audits” (a brutally honest accounting of your actual behavior); goal list-making; daily motivational challenges (like setting your alarm clock an hour earlier); stories about the author’s no-nonsense, cancer-surviving, happy-just-to-have-a-paycheck immigrant parents.
“#Chill: Turn Off Your Job and Turn On Your Life” (William Morrow) by Bryan E. Robinson
A month-by-month guide for recovering work obsessives, which takes you from not being a “workaholic martyr” in January to “learning to saunter” in November. Written by a man with so much personal insecurity and workaholic anxiety that he once “worked through most of the day of my father’s funeral.”
Premise in one quote: “The mantra for the recovering workaholics is ‘Don’t just do something — sit there.’ ”
Recurring themes: Mindfulness; meditation; evocative language like “musterbate” (i.e. “bowing to the demands of others.”)
“I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life” (HarperOne) by John Kim
A guide to avoiding douchebaggery behavior from a guy who repeatedly admits to his own failures in work, relationships, friendships, etc. Advice is separated into don’ts — don’t whine, text like you’re 17, be creepy — and do’s — do make your bed, have a firm handshake, say “I was wrong.”
Premise in one quote: “Your sh*t is your sh*t . . . you are the constant theme throughout. And only you can figure out how to take all the sh*t and make something beautiful.”
Recurring themes: Colorful cursing; vivid accounts of his personal failures (in relationships, friendships and careers); chapters that could either be a joke or serious advice, like #60, “Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans,” a chapter that contains just two sentences: “Wear pants that fit. That’s all.”
“Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bullshit” (HarperOne) by Dr. Venus Nicolino
Nicolino, a therapist and reality-show host, skewers self-help book clichés and offers tough-love alternatives. Instead of “following your bliss,” she suggests “gripping your grit” by embracing your inner John Wayne to get the job done; and rather than “living each day like it’s our last,” she recommends remembering that “you can have a bad day and a fantastic life at the same time.”
Premise in one quote: “Right now in this moment, you are perfect. A year ago, you were perfect. A year from now, you will still be perfect.”
Recurring themes: Colorful cursing; a conversational tone that feels like you’re in a bar on your third glass of chardonnay with your oldest friend.