Junk phone calls could get me killed one day

Let’s get off the economy for a moment and talk about something really important: junk phone calls. Which are your favorite ones?

I like the ones that start with a friendly, recorded voice that immediately says “don’t hang up.” Which, of course, is exactly what I do — hang up.

I’m also fond of the ones that tell me a joke, also in a recorded voice, of course.

“Hello, John, you’re harder to reach than a banana on an apple tree.” I don’t really know how that one ends because I’ve hung up long before the recording gets to the punch line, but my quip is probably as good as theirs’.

Not so much fun are the calls that tell me there’s been a change to my credit card terms that I need to know about. I know that my card companies would send me a legal notice if there really was a change.

I’m bothered by the calls that claim to be from fraternal organizations representing the police, the military or some other heart-tugging group. The ones that say they want to save animals are especially compelling.

I’d give — and do give — but I’m not going to contribute to some clown who happens to reach me by phone.

Nothing — noooothinng — bothers me as much as when I get a junk call on my cell phone when I’m in the car. Not only do I have to take my eyes off the road to see who is calling, but I also have to take a hand off the wheel to tap the screen on my dashboard to send the call to the hands-free function.

I swear that if I get into a car crash because of one of those junk cell phone calls, those telemarketers aren’t going to be invited to my funeral.