What if mothers treated themselves as well as they treated their children? What if they put their own health, happiness and well-being first, allowing them in turn to be better mothers?
Those are the questions posed by the new book “The Happiest Mommy You Know: Why Putting Your Kids First Is the Last Thing You Should Do,” by Genevieve Shaw Brown, a writer-reporter for ABC News and a mother of three.
“The [book subtitle] was something I went back and forth with the publisher on,” says Brown. “They said, ‘It sounds harsh and people might shy away from it.’ But it’s the truth. When you put everyone else in front of yourself, you will not be a happy person.”
Martyrdom is too often celebrated in parenthood, with mothers denying themselves the most basic cares and pleasures in life for the sake of the kids and allowing it to become the norm. (“I haven’t had my hair cut in over a year, I’m so bad!,” “I can’t remember the last time I saw the inside of a gym!,” and “I haven’t read a book since I got pregnant.”)
For Brown, her own revelatory moment came when she realized how out of control her own sleeping habits had become.
“Every night, I would create a spa room for the kids. The lights were low, soft music playing, an electric candle. We did all this relaxing before bed,” says Brown, with a laugh. “Meanwhile, I’d go into my own room and there’d be a gigantic TV playing, my husband and I on two iPads, two iPhones, answering emails, eating. Stuff you’d never allow your kids to do!”
Selfishness, when it comes to parenting, is a dirty word … You have to be a bit selfish in the name of being a happier person.
And then there was the food: While Brown was whipping up healthy, organic dishes for her kids, she herself was skipping meals. She’d forgo breakfast and then load up on mac ’n’ cheese at the company cafeteria; meanwhile, at home, her youngest dined on “turkey meatballs filled with veggies, a small side of couscous and some sliced fruit for dessert.”
Brown offers tips and tricks that are simple, straightforward and easily accessible through snazzy chapter titles: “Ditch the Playdates: Make Time for Your Own Friends” emphasizes spending time with your friends to give your happiness a boost over engineering social activities for your toddler; “Get Sleep at Any Cost: Do Whatever Works for You To Ensure a Healthy Night’s Rest,” in which she recommends Suzy Giordano’s book “Twelve Hours’ Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old” as a lifesaver for new parents; and “Take Yourself to the Doctor (Moms Need Checkups, Too)” reminds moms that they need to be every bit as vigilant about their own doctors’ appointments as they are with their kids’.
Indeed, no one will read this book and say, “I just can’t do it” — which is precisely the point. The book urges mothers to be their own best champions during a time of life when it can be all too easy to beat yourself up.
“Selfishness, when it comes to parenting, is a dirty word,” says Brown. “But selfishness in the name of being a better parent is absolutely necessary. You have to be a bit selfish in the name of being a happier person.”