Everyday we’re besieged with dubious promises of, say, hypersonic jets that’ll get us from NYC to London in 11 minutes.
But how exactly are we supposed to buy into the magical future of next-gen travel when airplane restroom technology hasn’t progressed beyond a tipped-over porta-potty at a 1978 KISS concert?
Enter Boeing, who wants to bring its airborne Johns into the 21st century by making them … self-cleaning (just making them clean, period, would be an upgrade, so go for it).
According to CNN, the aircraft behemoth filed a patent on a prototype that uses ultraviolet light to “kill 99.99 percent of all lavatory germs, in three seconds, after every use.” Odors are eliminated, too.
You heard right: joining the Mile High Club is about to get a little less gross.
No wonder Trump won’t let Boeing move to China.
And yes, untrained bachelors, “the prototype would lift and close the toilet seat by itself.”
This particular sort of bacteria-seeking “Far UV” light is supposed to be completely harmless to humans, in which case, I argue for blasting the entire sneezing, baby-filled cabin with the purple stuff for the whole dang flight. Since, as CNN found last year, there are nearly as many, if not more, germs outside the bathroom — on your seat-back tray, your seat belt and that little air vent doohickey overhead.
Alas, for now, the UV tech would just be for the crapper. Joining it in the fight against germs are other niceties you currently find in terrestrial bathrooms (which, you know, work maybe a third of the time): hands-free faucets, hands-free soap dispensers, hands-free trash flaps, hands-free toilet lids/seats, hands-free, er, hand dryers and possibly even a hands-free door latch.
Which basically leaves only a few — albeit very important — things left for your hands to do in the bathroom at all. Put a few well-placed robot arms with benevolent AI in there and they may become entirely obsolete.
Your move, Airbus.