I am a product of Catholic education, 16 years of it, so that means I am the product of rules and regulations, some of which made sense, some not so much, some which make me smile all these years later, some of which explain a lot of what I’ve become all these years later.
Jackets and ties, for instance. That was every day. No jeans. No corduroys. Dress shoes only. There are many reasons why I became a sports writer. The fact I wear a necktie just two or three times a year — depending on how many funerals I attend — wasn’t necessarily one of them. But it wasn’t not necessarily one of them, either.
We had “up” staircases and “down” staircases in high school. True story. You could try and bring your non-conformist streak to school that day if you liked, but if you were caught by the proper authorities walking up a down staircase — or down an up one — then you risked having to pick small chads of paper up off the floor at detention that day. So good luck to you.
So these are the sensibilities I bring to things like facial-hair policies and uniform issues as they apply to baseball. Here is my first inclination when a team like the Marlins institutes a no-facial-hair policy — which is the same argument I offered (fruitlessly) to Brother Bruner, dean of students, when I had reported to school one morning having boycotted my razor blade for a few days:
Didn’t Jesus wear a beard?
Would you give him detention?
(Stunningly, that particular line of debate did not work well. He handed me a Bic.)
Don Mattingly wore a mustache during almost every at-bat of a career that, at worst, abuts up against the Hall of Fame, if it never actually allowed him wall space. It’s a policy that was instituted above his head but he will enforce it, funny since he once engaged in a sit-down strike of sorts because he was reluctant to trim his mullet (and as a former mullet-wearer myself, I can assure you, in those days you would have needed a presidential decree to carve into those precious locks). So it is a fair question:
Would you bench yourself?
“Guys will whine,” Donnie Baseball said last week. “Some guys like it, some guys won’t. As long as we’re consistent, I think it’s not that big of a deal.”
At the end of the day, of course, no-facial hair policies wind up saving some players from themselves — and some players, like Dallas Keuchel, need to be saved from themselves.
What’s funny — and might sound funnier, coming from a Catholic school guy who now calls his collection of Puma Clydes his “dress shoes” — is how little baseball folks bristle at what’s become of the uniform. Goatees belong to the devil. Backward caps make old-school managers like Terry Collins’ head spin.
And yet on the same team, some guys wear their pant legs flush to their spikes, some wear them just south of the kneecap, some alternate depending on the day and their mood. Even the Yankees don’t have uniform uniform rules. Can’t they agree on one style for all? Guys will bristle, sure. Guys will whine. But isn’t that what detention was invented for?
Whack Back at Vac
J. R. Cummings: The three unluckiest draft picks in recent history: Greg Oden over Kevin Durant, Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan and No. 1, when the Knicks lost out on Stephen Curry by one pick getting Jordan Hill instead. I lose sleep every night thinking of what could have been.
Vac: I believe that is a widespread insomnia epidemic, alas.
Ronnie Milo: A very telling sign — no free agent of any import thought enough of Melo to sign with the Knicks last summer. He can no longer recruit. The window has closed and, even worse, I don’t think they can get a decent return on him anymore.
Vac: That’s the elephant in the room, really. At this point the Knicks’ best hope for Carmelo Anthony is that they figure out a roster to put around him before it’s too late. And that’s going to be a bear.
@zecher: Will Saint Krzyzewski have the courage to bench @GraysonJAllen for his second intentional trip?
@MikeVacc: I think we knew the answer to this one. And shame on the ACC for taking a pass on the issue.
Steven Schafler: The way opposing point guards just blaze past Jose Calderon, you would think you were watching a bullfight if he only had a cape. I just don’t understand why Jerian Grant isn’t playing 40 minutes a game at this point.
Vac: That makes two of us — or, just as likely, 2 million of us.
Whack Back bonus
Last week, Mike Vaccaro listed his top 10 coaches/managers in New York’s sporting history, and encouraged Post readers to suggest others. They were more than happy to:
Gary Levick: As much as I despise him, Pat Riley should be in the top 10. He almost won a title with two undrafted free agents. Lou Carnesecca, too, had a top-20 program for a very long time and did it with class.
Don McKnight: If I may paraphrase “the 86 team is the best NY football team ever assembled.” You are right. And George Young assembled the team, not that overrated blowhard you picked as the fourth best coach.
Rick Brunetti: No Leo Durocher? Gil Hodges vs. Leo? My sides hurt from laughing. And Billy Martin vs. Joe Torre? Now I am hysterical.
James Devine: Sub Leo The Lip for Keenan: two of the greatest pennant races in history (’41 and ’51); the ’54 title and consistent excitement, 1939-55.
Tom Foran: Fun article, but … Torre behind Coughlin? That’s nuts. Coughlin missing the playoffs six of the last seven years should put him 10th at best. The other seasons matter! Parcells is light years ahead of Coughlin.
Metjet8983: No Weeb Eubank, Miller Huggins or Walter Alston, Davey Johnson? Mike Keenan is a man who’s been fired from half the teams in the NHL and in typical classless manner abandoned ship.
Richard T. Dunne: Really? No Billy Martin? Seriously? Brought the team back from the dead after 12 years in exile. Casey’s boy, 556 Yankees wins, .591 winning percentage with the Yanks, .553 winning percentage overall (greater than 13 other hall of fame managers). No serious Big Apple list can exclude Billy.
Sal L. Lamander: Jacques Lemaire is at least worthy of an honorable mention. He took the former “Mickey Mouse” franchise (per Wayne Gretzky) the final steps to becoming Stanley Cup champions.
Harold Brown: Sorry, Mike. Your list has to include Walt Alston. He was a great manager and of course, he brought Brooklyn its only championship.
Leo J. Finnegan: Weeb Ewbank? Greatest upset in history, handled Namath, AFL merged with NFL.
N. Y. Bill: Jim Lee Howell should be on there.
Vac’s Whacks
The plus-minus stat in basketball had to have been invented with Sasha Vujacic in mind. Or, you know, at least half of that stat.
Wake me when Yoenis Cespedes rolls into the parking lot in a ’73 Duster, OK?
It’s not quite there yet, but “Better Call Saul” is trying very, very hard to make me forget “Breaking Bad.”
I’m rooting for Balboa at the Oscars, because why should today be different than any other day going back to the very first time you saw him run up the steps at the Philly Art Museum?