A survey this month found that up to 6 percent of women plan to propose to their sweethearts this year on Feb. 29 — the leap-year day when, according to tradition, the fairer sex is officially “allowed” to ask for their man’s hand in marriage. But does it always lead to a fairy-tale ending? Here Bronx administrative assistant Marina Maiuri, 41, tells The Post’s Jane Ridley how her dream proposal turned into a nightmare.
Sitting in the taxicab, I felt confused. My fiancé, Sean Smith, and I were returning home after a weeklong cruise, and the somewhat nosy driver had asked whether we were married.
“I’m sidestepping that issue!” replied Sean, with a grin.
I laughed hollowly, but inside I was both angry and sad. It had been more than a year since I’d proposed to Sean on Feb. 29 — “Leap Day,” the extra day in the calendar every four years when women can ask for a man’s hand in marriage — but we were not even close to tying the knot.
It was getting increasingly frustrating that none of my wedding plans was coming to anything. And, just a few weeks afterward, I found out the real reason Sean was dragging his feet.
I now realize I was a little crazy when I popped the question back in 2008. I’m an impulsive person and thought it would be a great idea to turn the tables and ask Sean to put a ring on it.
We’d been dating for 18 months and seemed like the perfect match. We’d met in an East Side bar in the summer of 2006 when Sean, then 39, had bought me a cosmopolitan and offered to reintroduce me to NYC. I’d been living in Italy for seven years and had recently come home to The Bronx. Our first date was atop the Empire State Building, and we later explored sights like Times Square and Rockefeller Center. I met his family several times and, as the months went by, we started talking about buying a home together and getting married.
When I realized 2008 was a leap year, I made up my mind to propose to Sean. Why not? I was a strong, independent career woman, after all.
I bought Sean a wedding band and, at about 5 a.m. on Feb. 29, woke him up to say: “Will you marry me?” To my relief, he said: “Yes!” It wasn’t long until my proposal was making headlines on the Internet, and we were even on the “Today” show.
The next few days were a haze of congratulatory messages, but the euphoria didn’t last. Every time I raised the topic of our wedding, Sean would change the subject. I had graduated from Fordham University and wanted to get married in the chapel there. I constantly called them to ask what dates were available. One of the dates was Halloween 2008, which I thought would be cool.
“I’ll be too busy at work then,” said Sean, an assistant for an independent-film production company. Other times, he’d blame stress or lack of money. After a while, I realized the ring I’d bought him spent more time on the dresser than on his finger.
It was May 2009, soon after we returned from that cruise, when I read a text message on Sean’s cellphone from an actress appearing in one of his movies. “I had a great time last night — next time bring more condoms,” it read.
He had told me he had to work late the previous evening. I immediately confronted him.
“You need to explain this,” I said.
“I was just going over some lines from the script for the movie,” he replied.
But I knew he was lying, and I walked out on him then and there.
Sure enough, he began publicly dating the actress a few weeks later. I was hurt, and I was done. The last time I saw Sean was when I showed up to get my belongings from his apartment later that summer. “Hey, the Dolphins are playing! Why are you taking it now?” he cried as I unplugged my 60-inch, flat-screen TV. I never got back the ring. What a loser. Sean, who is now 48 and lives in California, still texts me from time to time, asking me to take him back. But there’s zero chance of that.
Since the proposal was so public, for years afterward, I’ve been recognized by people who saw me on TV or on the Internet. It sucked having to recount the story of how the wedding never happened, although I can laugh about it a bit now. I’ve had little luck in the dating department since the leap-year proposal, sometimes because men Google me and go cold after they’ve read my story. One of them accused me of being married, as if I were cheating on Sean! I think many of them just don’t know what to think about it, because it’s so unusual.
But I don’t care. I wouldn’t want to waste my time on any guy who couldn’t keep up with my personality. Besides, these days, I’m much too busy training for my new fitness passion — Spartan races. As a friend told me recently: “Great things take time,” and I know Mr. Right is out there somewhere.
My advice to girls contemplating popping the question on Feb. 29 this year is pure and simple: Don’t do it — at least not without thinking it through twice, three times or more. Looking back, I was very naive and got captured by the novelty of it all.
The experience has made me understand better how different men and women are. It seems like society has instilled in guys that they’re the ones who should be in control of something like a marriage proposal. If the woman asks, they don’t take it seriously.
I’m a feminist, but I truly believe the “Will you marry me?” question should be done by the man. And with a diamond for sure.
Sean never even got around to buying me a ring.
When contacted by The Post, Sean Smith said: “I made a big mistake sleeping with the actress, because Marina is the best woman I’ve ever met. I still love her and hope she might one day take me back. I didn’t feel emasculated by her proposal because I’m not the old-fashioned type. It surprised and overwhelmed me at the time. But Marina was in a rush to the altar and I needed to concentrate on my career. I wish things had turned out differently.”