Ineater McGrew wanted the youngest of her five children far from home, believing Rayshaun needed to go to college far enough from his family and friends in Chicago that he couldn’t come back whenever things got rough.
He had to learn what life was like on his own. He had to discover what life could be like.
“My family wanted me to get away so I wouldn’t have a lot of distractions, because if I was home I could easily get involved with some nonsense and blow everything up,”
McGrew said. “I was kind of confused why they didn’t want me close and could watch me play, but she wanted me to get used to being on my own because eventually I’d have to be on my own.”
McGrew eschewed multiple in-state options and spent two years at Cowley County Community College in Arkansas City, Kan., then transferred to Stony Brook in 2013.
He learned what life was like outside the South Side of Chicago, where McGrew looked over his shoulder on the streets more often than any child should have to. He discovered the leisure of slow days and quiet nights, the simple pleasure of playing basketball whenever he wanted to.
“You were always at risk when you were out there,” McGrew said of growing up in Chicago. “You can be minding your business and anything can happen. I always had to pick and choose the places to play ball and what time you do it. At Stony Brook, I always have access to a gym without having to worry about something crazy going on. It’s friendlier here and a safer environment to be in. It allows you to focus on more things.”
When his senior season started, McGrew’s only focus was on his mother, suffering from breast cancer. He left school to be with her and missed the Seawolves’ season-opener, but after two weeks, his mother decided it was again time for him to leave.
“The last time I was with her she kicked me out of the house and said, ‘You have to get back to school. You have things you got to finish doing. Just keep making the family proud and do what you love to do,’ ” McGrew recalled. “I just let those words float through my head every day.”
Those words were with him an hour before tip-off on Dec. 5, when McGrew received a call from his sister telling him their mother had passed away. Coach Steve Pikiell told McGrew, one of the team captains, to catch the next flight home. Yet McGrew insisted on playing, telling Pikiell not to inform the rest of the team until after the game.
McGrew scored 18 points on 8-of-10 shooting, with seven rebounds in a win over Princeton.
“I told him to do what you got to do and we all understand, but he wanted to play,” Pikiell said. “There’s no manual on how to handle those things. He played maybe the best game of his career, and then he went home and went to the funeral, but he didn’t miss a game. That was all on him. He could do whatever he needed to do, but he was like, ‘This is my family, too, and they need me here.’ ”
Stony Brook (16-4, 7-0), now with a nation-best 12-game win streak, is getting more from the 6-foot-7 forward than ever before, more than Pikiell expected from the self-described “glue guy.”
Over the past seven games, McGrew is averaging 14.7 points and 7.3 rebounds, while shooting more than 62 percent from the field and providing “the voice of the defense,” according to the coach.
“He’s a guy that sacrifices, he does a lot of things for us and he’s just gotten better and better,” Pikiell said. “He was quiet for a little while. He’s the most verbal guy on our team and he wasn’t that Ray, but you give him a little space and a little time and he’s back to Ray. He’s been Ray for a while now. It’s great to see.”
In tragedy, McGrew is grateful, strengthened by the unexpected avalanche of support from fans, the community and opposing teams, including the best player on Seawolves’ biggest rival.
Albany’s Peter Hooley has been the biggest reason Stony Brook is still searching for its first NCAA Tournament appearance, hitting the biggest shots of the past two America East title games, including last year’s buzzer-beating 3-pointer. When Hooley heard Ineater was sick, he reached out to McGrew to offer comfort and advice, and has since remained in contact with the rival who now doubles as a friend.
Hooley hated to see what McGrew was going through and hated that he understood his pain so well.
“I told him everything I wish I had heard when I was going through it,” said Hooley, whose mother, Sue, died one year ago Saturday, from colon cancer. “It’s tough because there’s only so much you can say that can really help him get through it because you’ve been through it. I told him it’s not ever gonna go away and you have to deal with it. I told him he doesn’t always have to be strong and it’s OK to have your time where you break down. He’ll always have people around him.
“He knows that she’s proud of him for the fact that he’s living out his dream.”
McGrew is happy knowing his mother would be happy, knowing how much he loves Long Island and would love to raise his own family there, following what he hopes is Stony Brook’s greatest season.
His life is his own, her youngest of five children never on his own.
“She always supported me through everything and always put her kids first,” McGrew said. “This is what she would want me to be doing.”
Games of the Week
Stony Brook at Vermont (Saturday, 2 p.m.)
The Seawolves take the nation’s longest winning streak on a long bus ride north. Vermont has won three straight games and is tied for second in the America East, but lost its most recent home game to Stony Brook in last year’s conference tournament semifinals.
Columbia at Harvard (Saturday, 7 p.m.)
The Lions opened Ivy League play by sweeping Cornell, but now face back-to-back weekends on the road. Though the Crimson have slipped this season, Columbia may learn if it’s a true conference contender in a visit to the five-time defending league champion.
Hofstra vs. UNC Wilmington (Thursday, 7 p.m.)
In the crowded CAA, the winner of this game takes sole possession of first place. The Pride have won five of their past six games, largely due to the emergence of sophomore forward Rokas Gustys, who is averaging 19.9 points and 14.6 rebounds in his past seven games.
Local Power Poll
1. Seton Hall
Record: 14-6, 4-4
Up next: Saturday (8 p.m.) at Creighton
2. Stony Brook
Record: 16-4, 7-0
Up next: Saturday (2 p.m.) at Vermont
3. Monmouth
Record: 16-5, 8-2
Up next: Saturday (7 p.m.) vs. St. Peter’s
4. Hofstra
Record: 15-6, 7-2
Up next: Saturday (4 p.m.) at Drexel
5. Columbia
Record: 14-6, 3-0
Up next: Saturday (7 p.m.) at Harvard
6. Iona
Record: 11-9, 8-3
Up next: Monday (7 p.m.) at St. Peter’s
7. Fordham
Record: 11-8, 2-6
Up next: Saturday (Noon) at UMass
8. Army
Record: 12-8, 3-5
Up next: Saturday (7 p.m.) at Bucknell
9. Wagner
Record: 13-7, 6-3
Up next: Saturday (3 p.m.) at Mount St. Mary’s
10. Fairfield
Record: 12-9, 5-5
Up next: Monday (7 p.m.) vs. Quinnipiac