When host Ricky Gervais called the audience “disgusting, pill-popping, sexually deviant scum” at Sunday night’s Golden Globe Awards, we thought we knew what we were in for — yet another year of the British comic’s soft-core provocation.
Nothing to see here, folks.
But somehow, perplexingly, Gervais was the most restrained part of the ceremony: a disaster so spectacular in its failings, you couldn’t help but admire it. This was the messiest Globes so far, replete with slurring, bleeped curse words and a weeping willow’s worth of shade thrown by drunk celebrities. And on Monday morning, everyone at NBC should toast to a phenomenal triumph.
The peacock has successfully branded the Golden Globes as the awards show we love to hate-watch.
True, the broadcast is notoriously wild. It’s the office holiday party of awards season, giving us plebs a window into the lives of hard-partying celebrities like best actor winner Leonardo DiCaprio and his St. Barts tan. The Oscars is a stuffy affair; the Globes is the kids table.
This year, though, the children’s behavior was so rowdy, it felt deliberate, like a Donald Trump stump speech. Now, the Globes broadcast is an epic battle for exposure — and bitchy tweets.
The show has become a parody of itself.
And thank goodness! A parade of hot messes is much more interesting than the fake dignity of the Oscars. Twitter agreed. Viewers tweeted snarky joke after snarky joke until they could no longer feel their fingers. And the celebs, so hungry for screen time and thirsty for booze, gave their fans plenty of material to work with.
Stars strutted onto the stage, an Art Deco jungle gym that trapped many of them in its embarrassing clutches, and repeatedly made fools of themselves.
Presenting the award for best score, Academy Award-winning actor Jamie Foxx paid awkward homage to Steve Harvey’s Miss Universe gaffe, and announced “Straight Outta Compton” as the winner rather than Ennio Morricone, the legendary 87-year-old Italian composer of “The Hateful Eight” and “Once Upon A Time In The West.” Crickets.
Denzel Washington forgot his reading glasses while receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award — a lifetime achievement trophy. His wife fed him names — don’t forget to thank Ari Emanuel, Denzel! — until he basically called it quits mid-speech. Queen Latifah cattily whispered into her friend’s ear as Lady Gaga, instead of her, accepted the award for best actress in a TV miniseries. And Jane Fonda shot Gervais a stare so cold and prolonged, it ended our mild winter.
And what of the winners?
They were out-of-left-field even by the brazenly eclectic standards of the Hollywood Foreign Press.
“Mozart in the Jungle” and its star, Gael García Bernal, beat out last year’s winner “Transparent” and its much-lauded lead Jeffrey Tambor for comedy series and actor, respectively. “Mr. Robot” took home the trophy for best drama series and “The Revenant” claimed best picture from favorites “Carol” and “Spotlight.” Worst of all, Sam Smith won best song for his dreadful “Spectre” anthem.
Social media and Globes parties everywhere were appalled.
One Twitter user defiantly said, “I don’t remember ever actively disliking The #GoldenGlobes, but I found this year’s to be absolutely awful.”
I’m sure that’s true, @imsvsims, I am. But I’m also 100 percent certain you’ll be back with me next January, tweeting away furiously, as the awfulness resumes in all its splendor.