What is up with Paul Ryan, the congressman who says he’s interested in being speaker of the House — but only if they change the rules to make it easier on him?
Paul Ryan is the guy who tells Coach he’s ready to sub in at tailback with the score tied in the fourth quarter of the big game, as long as opposing players agree to use pillows when tackling him.
Paul Ryan is the guy who signs up for the fire department, but adds, “In the event of an actual fire, I’m the guy who stays on the truck feeding Pup-Peronis to the Dalmatian.”
Paul Ryan is the guy who goes to the Marine Corps recruiting office and says, “Sign me up, sergeant! I’m ready for duty Tuesdays through Thursdays, only in peacetime.”
This week, Ryan, confusing gladiatorial combat with kindergarten circle time, announced to his fellow Republican members of the House of Representatives that he was kinda sorta willing to be their leader, if only they guaranteed he’d win before the vote actually took place. His issue is with the technical maneuver called the “motion to vacate,” which is essentially a license for members to blow spitballs at the speaker if he disappoints.
Current Speaker John Boehner announced he is quitting rather than submit to this disgrace, which could have led to a majority calling for his ouster, and Ryan’s spokesman said the next speaker “cannot be successful with this weapon pointed at them all the time.”
By “weapon,” he means “ability to vote.” We can’t have that in Congress!
The House is in an unusually fractious state at the moment, with a large contingent of nearly 40 Tea Party-loving Republicans called the Freedom Caucus essentially wielding veto power over the next speaker. The Freedom Caucus’s main accomplishment is convincing its fans that it’s possible to mind-zap President Obama into doing the opposite of what he wants to do.
Since it can’t do that, it’s in a quandary: Should it continue producing fan fiction about what achievements are feasible without the legislative muscle to override a presidential veto? Or should it concede that Ryan, previously a darling of the Tea Party crowd, is both a) a true conservative and b) someone who lacks the power to hypnotize the president?
Ryan’s strings-attached bid is a statement that he wants the job, but doesn’t want to be punished for all the stuff he’s going to fail to pull off because certain things are impossible. Aren’t the Republicans supposed to be the party that has a keen eye for the limitations of government? It’s the other guys who are always promising how the wonderful world of Washington is going to “fundamentally transform” your life.
But Ryan can’t have it both ways: The House is a democratic body. They can love you today and demand you be stoned tomorrow. Politics isn’t supposed to be structured so that politicians don’t have to answer to the voters. If you want to mud wrestle, you’re going to get dirt in your underwear.