No longer can I look in the mirror and be satisfied with how I look; I must post photos on Instagram to let people tell me how good I look. That was my way of thinking … before I had the first ever Insta-vention.
I posted a photo on my personal Instagram account knowing that I was gonna cop heat from my mates but I wasn’t ready for what happened next.
The offending Instagram post
I’ve been running a bit lately in an effort to drop a few kilos and hopefully score a few “likes” on insty. I’m a single guy and have a few girls who follow me on the app that I thought I’d remind what’s rocking underneath my get up but instead I came across as a try hard fitness inspo who spent WAY too much time deciding on what filter to use and then how much contrast the photo needed.
My workmates then dropped the ‘I’ word … Insta-vention. I didn’t know how badly I needed one, until my team, friends, family and even an Instagram crush made me realise the warning signs.
Since I have had my eyes opened to my own selfie taking actions, I can see celebrities who I follow that could be in need of an Insta-vention themselves:
Miley Cyrus
Between posting photos of her chest covered in glitter, Miley is a fiend for posting up fan edits of her photo shopped in the most weird and wonderful locations including her bum behind Kim Kardashian doing a selfie or lying naked on the back of a tortoise.
Classy Miley, real classy.
https://instagram.com/p/1sKWsSwzPJ/
Sam Smith
We get it, you’ve enjoyed your tour of New Zealand but we don’t need to see every inch of grass that a hobbit once walked on.
https://instagram.com/p/1uIT3Yx2Uv/
James Franco
How does one of the world’s coolest dudes all of a sudden start trying to sell dodgy merch of bad internet memes of himself online? His Instagram is like watching a car crash … You want to look away but just can’t
https://instagram.com/p/1QaEZny9e9/
‘Leo’ (Big Brother 2014)
We know you live in the gym, but maybe spend more time focusing on that then selling us the next copy of Men’s Fitness you will be in, or some slimming tea you “swear by”.
https://instagram.com/p/wFyvgdDBTc/
Ashton Irwin
Dude! You are wanted and followed by millions of girls! Give the ladies what they want and actually post a few more selfies every now and then; you’ve got the creative side, but give the girls something to double tap.
https://instagram.com/p/1oDugqvV_h/
Selfies are soooooo 2014, these days it’s all about the self-timer to make it look like you’ve actually got real life not online friends who snap all your pics. Except getting busted using self-timer is one of the worst moments … Therefore for the benefit of society, I feel it is time to impart my top 5 tips to avoid an Insta-vention:
• Always look at the camera! If you’re trying to be cool, not looking at the lens and pretending to focus on something in the distance it always comes across a little bit douchey
• If you’re a fitness account and people follow you because of your inspo pics fantastic! Otherwise (like myself) don’t throw a gym pic online out of the blue! Stick to what you know: dog pics, food pics, and sunsets
• Don’t post photos from fashion events. If I wanted to be at the event I’d be there and no I don’t care what you’re wearing! #AlwaysTrending
• If you’re spending more than a minute deciding which filter to use then you’re taking it too seriously. You want people to see the best you possible, we get it, but no one’s sitting there scrolling down in Instagram and thinking you should have used more “saturation”
• Don’t use hashtags like #Fitspo #CleanEating #SummerBodiesAreMadeInWinter because I did and look what happened to me!
With this experience, I’d like to thank (I think) my Shazam Top 20 team for caring enough for me to feel the need to publicly shame me and make me see the error of my ways. Therefore I, Angus O’Loughlin, will not be posting anymore shirtless photos on the gram … well for the next two weeks!