The 8 best boast-worthy things to do in Dubai

Last year, the Guinness Book of World Records opened an office in Dubai, which is no surprise given how many “firsts,” “biggest,” “bests” and “most expensives” are tossed around. And spending a few days, one gets the competitive spirit, too.

You want to be able to say that you, too, have experienced the one, the only, the biggest, the best.

Here are eight things you can boast you’ve done in this most superlative of desert cities.

I’ve stood on the tallest observation deck on Earth

The Burj Khalifa, the tallest man-made structure in the world at 163 stories, was where Tom Cruise swung from in “Mission Impossible III,” and, like the Great Wall of China, is visible from space. From the 124th-floor observation deck, you can see the entire expanse of Dubai. (Tickets, $34 in advance, $109 walk-up)

I’ve slept on a man-made archipelago constructed out of more than 3 billion cubic feet of sand

The wild-eyed architects and planners of this city didn’t just look to the skyscraper for their inspiration — they looked out to sea, too. Hence you have the Palm Jumeirah, an archipelago in the shape of a palm tree, its “fronds” studded with private villas and hotels including the Kempinski, Atlantis the Palm and the Ottoman masterpiece Jumeirah Zabeel Saray.

Speaking of the Jumeirah Zabeel Saray, I got a massage at its spa, Talese, the biggest Turkish hammam in the Middle East

If you were expecting a relaxing rubdown from a comely female masseuse, remember this is an Islamic country: men massage men. And the Turkish massage ($143) is not a supple laying of hands, either. The client is stripped to their skivvies, sprawled out on a stone slab and scrubbed ruthlessly. And the experience occurs in the largest hammam in the Middle East, with 42 treatment rooms and eight hydrotherapy rooms.

I went skiing in the desert

We’re talking a slope with actual snow and a lift to take you to the top. Ski Dubai (theplaymania.com), a winter playland inside the Mall of the Emirates, features five runs — one is 1,312 feet with a fall of 197 feet. Two surreal touches: a chalet-like cafe called St. Moritz, and penguins. Yes, actual live penguins who march through several times daily.

I ate camel burgers … and camel chocolate

Near the Dubai Museum is Local House, which offers camel shakes, made with camel milk, ($8) and chewy, peppery camel burgers ($12). And all around the city is camel milk chocolate, particularly Al Nassea, which comes in bar form ($8).

I saw the world’s biggest gold ring

The Diera Gold Souk in the old part of Dubai (as in 1980s old) is home to Kanzi, home of the Najmat Taiba, the largest gold ring in the world. (There’s even a certificate from Guinness!) The 24-karat ring weighs about 141 pounds and is studded with around 11 pounds of precious stones. Estimated cost is $3 million.

I had a butler, a white Rolls-Royce and a gold iPad at my disposal

No other property is as iconic to Dubai as the Burj Al Arab, the self-proclaimed seven-star hotel shaped like a sail. Every room — from the royal suite, which goes for $16,335 a night, to the most modest, for $1,495 — is a duplex and comes with a butler who will draw you a bath and stop by at various points of the day offering tiramisu. (Incidentally, the bathroom comes equipped with Hermes products — and not the sample sizes, either.) Parked in front of the hotel are white Rolls-Royces, which whisk guests around town. (There’s also a rooftop helipad.) And then there are the 24-karat gold-plated iPads available to each guest during their stay. (Purchase one for $8,150.)

I rode the Gulf region’s first tram

Just opened earlier this month, the Dubai Tram route runs just over 6.5 miles, and encompasses 11 stations — and ultimately will be extended to include 17 stations. The state-of-the-art trains boast free Wi-Fi, cars just for women and children and “gold class” cabins for those willing to pay double the regular fare.