I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, but I’ve never had an orgasm. The thing is, he has no idea, because I’ve faked it every time. Now that we’ve had our anniversary, I think I should have some fun, too. But it’s going to take me much longer than he does. Should I tell him I’ve been faking it? Or should I just let him think it’s taking me extra time because we’ve been together for a while now?
— Tina, 32, Astoria
No. Freaking. Way. Absolutely DO NOT tell him that you have been faking it for a year now.
Seriously, what is wrong with you? How can you go for 365 days without having an orgasm from the man you love? And how was it OK for you to assume that faking it is the right way to handle the situation?
For you to have put it off this long makes me question what is important to you. Sex is so important — it brings you and your partner closer together on a deeper emotional level.
If the sex isn’t up to par, then its up to you to guide him to what feels right for you. You need to take the initiative and begin to break down the communication barriers, starting with the ones that plague your sex life.
So this is how we are going to handle your little problem: Tell your guy that you have heard the second orgasm is mind-blowing and you want him to take you to that point. You will continue to fake your first one, for now, so he doesn’t get freaked out by the sudden change. Then after the fake first one, it’s game on and your turn to take control.
Don’t be afraid to help the process along by doing some things yourself — like using a vibrator — or by telling him exactly what to do. He will be totally turned on by this.
Over time, you will do away with the fake one and hopefully end up with one that’s legit. And if you’re really lucky, you’ll both end up with the “real two.”
I got drunk and made out with a girl at a bar. Should I tell my boyfriend? He and I have been together for six months, and I don’t think he’ll think it’s sexy. But it’s not like I’m ever going to see her again, so does that really count as cheating?
— Jaime, 29, Manhattan
Ask yourself this: How would you feel if your boyfriend kissed another girl, but didn’t tell you because he didn’t think it was a big deal? Chances are you would think that it is a big deal. So stop dismissing it as if it’s not.
If you are truly sorry and really feel like you made a mistake, then take a lesson from it and stop acting this way. You should also tell him, which might cost you your relationship or at least the relationship as you know it. I do not condone keeping things from your partner.
But you never said you are sorry you did it, so I have to assume you aren’t. The bigger issue here is that it’s only a matter of time before you do it again, and that’s not fair to you or your boyfriend. Obviously, you have some sort of satisfaction issue within yourself or your relationship that needs to be addressed.
If you like hooking up with girls once in a while, then you should be with a guy who thinks that behavior is acceptable. Your current boyfriend does not sound like that kind of guy. So you need to be true to yourself and with what your needs really are.
This time it was just a kiss, but next time it may be more.
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