Sports

The Daily Whacks, Thursday Edition

If you are a Jets season ticket holder, then you already know about Rex Ryan’s one-man marketing assault, the phone message he left for you sometime in the past few days. If you are not, you may already have heard some of the highlights. Such as:

“I just want to let you know how much we need you this week. I’ve already admitted that the Patriots have a better head coach and they’ve got a better quarterback than us, but we’ve got to see who’s got a better team.”

And this: “The reason I’m so confident is that they’ve got to face you . . . and my challenge to you is that we need you at your best, so let’s get ready to go for four quarters and get after them, especially when our defense is out there.”

And this: “We really need you and we want it to be miserable for [Tom] Brady and company and seem like there’s 13 or 14 guys out there on defense. It’s tough enough when we have 11, but when our fans are into it, it’s almost impossible to do anything against us.”

And, lastly: “So, that’s my challenge to you, and again, I admit that I’m not as good as [Bill] Belichick, but at the end of the game, I want to be 1-0 against him. So, help me out if you don’t mind. OK? Thank you. Bye.”

Which, of course, just begs — and I mean BEGS –the question: What would that message be like if Coach Mangini were still running the show:

“I just want to let you know that we are playing a football game this week, although as per team policy we will not be disclosing which team we will play, or where we will play the game, or on which day the game will be played. I can disclose the sides will be 11 men apiece.

“I will say that I am either confident or not; as per club policy I will not disclose my emotional status at this point, nor whether I am even in possession of emotions. I would be neither happy nor sad to see you at the undisclosed location at the undisclosed time.

“If we do indeed decide to play defense — and I am NOT saying whether we will or we won’t, I want to make that perfectly clear — we will play the number allotted by the rules. I’m not saying some of our opponents don’t always play within the rules, but I’m not not saying that either.

“So, that’s my message. I am told that our opponents have a coach, though I am not familiar with his work. If you wish to come, please act in an orderly fashion. And I strongly urge you to burn this tape when you are done listening to it.”

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Here is what irrelevance looks like, and feels like: the Mets lost the kind of game that is supposed to give you September night sweats last night, the kind that is supposed to torture you for days on end. And I would not be surprise if there were less than 100 who even saw Daniel Murphy’s first-base follies in the bottom of the ninth.

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I have already established what a Beatles freak I am; but even if you are not you’ll have to concede that this is as cool a commercial as there’s ever been.

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A word of warning: Beware the ascendant Red Sox. Not now, not for the division. But it is starting to look more and more like ALCS, Part IV. And I cannot wait.