Start pouring the cement at the bottom of the table.
Mathematically, there is hope. The kind of hope one prays to St. Jude to be realized. But Middlesbrough, Newcastle and West Brom look like the terrible triad bound for relegation.
Boro and the Mags face off next Monday in a must-win for either club. It’s the best hope either of them have, too, with the Smoggies facing near-certain defeat from Aston Villa and West Ham and the Magpies with little to hope for against Fulham and Villa.
Still, with how bad Aston Villa has been lately, perhaps Boro or the Toon could nick a win or a draw. Fulham’s away form is nowhere close to as good as their home form, so that provides a glimmer of hope for Newcastle. Boro has a habit of getting shock results and could hold off the Hammers … but unless either club can climb over Hull, it’s over. The best each of them could do is 40 points, the figure that usually implies safety from the drop. But no one expects either club to win out. West Brom needs a slightly bigger miracle than Middlesbrough and Newcastle so, while it’s unlikely the north east teams will survive, it’s highly unlikely the Baggies are going to vault over them into safety.
Perhaps Hull and Sunderland will slide into the drop.
Hull has been miserable, but they face that sagging Villa side and fellow Prem virgins, Stoke City. Bolton has been surprisingly good, but they’re not unbeatable. However, with Hull facing the Wanderers at the Reebok, Bolton at home are only slightly better than Hull have been on the trot. Stoke have been great at home, but they may not fare well away. The Potters are not vastly superior and Stoke could choke to give Hull valuable points in their bid to stay up.
Sunderland face a harder battle. They’ve lost six of their last seven games and they face Bolton and Portsmouth away and then host Chelsea to close their campaign. Again, Bolton at the Reebok is no small task. Pompey are scratching at safety but are only a win ahead of the Black Cats … still, judging by Sunderland’s recent form, the odds wouldn’t seem to favor them. If Sunderland can draw or defeat Chelsea, they’ll deserve a big plaudit.
If Newcastle weren’t so incompetent, it wouldn’t seem so hopeless. But they’re the team that could fall in that proverbial barrel of teats and come out sucking their thumbs. They’re the club who could have a gaping open net with a bow on top and manage to hit row zed instead. They could stumble upon a genie lamp and blow their wishes on women, booze and some other profligate booty instead of the three wins they so vitally need.
If Middlesbrough weren’t so cursed with a dearth of scoring ability, their task wouldn’t seem that hopeless, either. They’ve got a lot of heart and determination. They’re a club you could admire if you didn’t have a bias against the town itself. Their manager is a good bloke who’s done well with what he’s had … but the ride may be over for the Smoggies and if they go down … who knows when we’ll see them next?
The smart money is on the relegation spots staying exactly how they are.
I’ll be hoping against hope and praying to St. Jude that it changes before the season is over.